I’m tired; not just physically but emotionally. I’ve began, in the last few days, to think about leaving home. It’s high time I severed the links with childhood; it’s time I became independent of my parents. University has taught me how great life can be, and how great having nobody around nagging you is. Yet to me as a crip this raises all sorts of questions: where shall I live, and how do I cope? 1001 little problems go through my head from ‘how do I get a flat with a key I can use’ to ‘how can I withdraw money?’ for all my life I have had the certainty of my parents as back up, organising things, making sure everything’s ok. While I’m sure my parents would continue this unction if I asked, I must do stuff by myself. Questions then arise about who I can trust, who is trying to screw me, and whether or not someone might one day turn around and say, in a condescending tone, ‘wouldn’t you be better in a home?’

As a crip this problem has always scared me, but I know I must do it. As soon as I get settled into my own place, perhaps with a live-in p.a, I know I’ll be happy. Hell, I was like this before I went to university, and look what happened then! It’s time to take the next logical step.

Illogical though it may be, I suspect this anxiety arises, in part, because I worry that, for some reason, I won’t be able to communicate my wishes. I worry that, as a VOCA user, others will assume they know best and start talking for me. I will not, must not, let this happen, but this does not stop this nagging fear which right now I cannot shake. I know that, with my lightwriter firmly attached to my waist, I can achieve almost anything, yet….

Oh well, I suppose it’ a big step for anyone. I’ll just need to take it slowly, looking forward to the great adventures I am about to have while taking comfort in the thought that my parents, brothers and friends will always be there for me, and making sure my lightwriter is fully charged.