This morning, more than anything else, I’d like to get something off my chest which has been bothering me for a while, and I think blogging about it might help. I hate hurting my parents. More than anyone else on earth, my Mum and Dad are more precious to me than anyone else. From time to time there have been occasions when I have physically hurt them: when I haven’t controlled my body as well as I should have, and inadvertently caused them great pain. It’s an absolutely ghastly feeling. It happened yesterday: I was supposed to visit them in Harlesden, but had got there far later than I should have and arrived far later than I was supposed to. Going through to the kitchen I sat down far too quickly on a chair and accidentally head-butted my Mum in her jaw. I was already feeling rather flustered, but at that moment I just wanted to return straight home: through my clumsiness I had hurt one of the people who loves me and cares for me the most. What a total dick I am!
The fact is that moment reminded me of an even more horrible one long ago, before I left for uni. Dad and I were just playing around on the landing at the top of the stairs. He was playfully trying to block my path, so I thought I’d be clever and hit his privates. It was only a flip of my hand, and I think I expected Dad to dodge it, but it was too hard and the next thing I knew my father was writhing on the floor in agony. It was a horrible, haunting sight – one still etched into my memory. Of course, I still love my Dad a great, great deal; the thought of hurting him in that way was enough to make my blood run stone cold. Even over twenty years on the thought that I did such a stupid thing still upsets me.
Obviously when you have Cerebral Palsy you have difficulty controlling your body, so you need to be really careful with everything that you try to do. Sometimes that care lapses, and from time to time that can have catastrophic, terrifying consequences. Without such care it’s possible to hurt the people who are most precious to you. I think that’s probably a valuable lesson for us all.




