I find myself fretting over the entry I wrote last night (link); I think there are bits I forgot to say. It is intended simply to question the received notions of who one should employ as a PA. for me, the solution of employing a person who is already a friend or associate works wonderfully, as long as it is handled maturely. Thus, when charlotte first became my PA, we ere already friends. However, I do feel our bonds grew stronger as time went on, and the more we saw of each other, at dinner time etc, the more we wanted to see of each other socially. Provided that you both agree upon what is what I see no harm In this. yes, there are ambiguities (eg, a trip with other friends to the cinema), but these can be talked through and agreed upon (basically you just need to be relaxed, open and honest, three qualities which miss Jones possesses in spades!). I really feel it has lead to a firm and lasting friendship, although whether this friendship would have developed in such a way anyway is hard to discern. I have many other great friends here, but I seem to have grown especially attached to c. we spent a lot of time together, which is why I miss her.

I think, too, that this is only suitable for a few people: you can’t employ any of your friends. Charlie was ideal because she has the right temperament and attitude, as does Steve and Esther. I should say, too, that it is only because Charlie is Charlie that we grew so close. Whether I’ll grow closer to jen next year remains to be seen.

Better stop going on about this. I hope Charlie doesn’t mind me recording all this, but I think it important for me to try to explain to other disabled people my perspective on organising my own care, and the advantages and disadvantages to it. all I am saying is that this method, unorthodox though it is, helped me forge one of the most wonderful friendships of my life. It worked brilliantly for me: all my needs were met, with the minimum of fuss. I think we both had great fun too. You just need to respect eachother. It probably isn’t suitable in all cases, but given the result it produced, – a great year and a hell of a friendship – I do not regret it in the slightest.