Maria cooked for us last night. We have started a regular ‘cookery’ night where, on Sunday afternoon, I pop over to sainsbury’s to get ingredients and Maria cooks for myself, jen, ash and Steve. It’s quite excellent and very civilised. Last night she did a dish from her native Portugal involving cabbage, bacon and sausage which was delicious. Anyway, at about half five or six llast night I popped over to emberton to eat.

I walked into the kitchen: ‘hi matt, wanna come to karaoke with us? Maria asked.

‘Okay.’ I said. This sounded fun. The plan originally was to get the 8.30 bus to Crewe, so we ate and then started to get ready. I popped back here to change – I wouldn’t usually change to go out, but my jumper was slightly mucky and I felt like dressing up. I dressed as quickly as possible (skirts with elasticised waistbands are a lot simpler to slip into than the tux I wore the previous night) and was back in emberton by about 8.20. yet by then the plan had changed: we were now getting a taxi to the club at about half 9. I didn’t mind as it gave us time to polish off a rioja we had started with dinner.

Ten O’clock saw us at the limelight in Crewe, where we met Lyn and Faithe. I was rather happy and loose. The singing started shortly after we started, and pretty much all of my friend put their name down to sing. It was then I had a crazy idea: why not? I asked jen to put my name down to sing ‘Nobody Does it better’. The fact that nobody would understand it didn’t matter – or maybe that would be the point.

As it happens, though, my name wasn’t called. I can only assume jen forgot to put my name down, or thought I was joking. If you ask me, it was the limelight’s loss:

what could be better than a spastic in a black skirt crooning ‘nobody does it, half as good as you. Baby you’re the best.’?