People are obviously getting increasingly pissed off with this credit crunch thing, and especially at the fact that companies are still making profits, albeit reduced ones, when the working classes are being asked to tighten their belts. Frankly this angers me too, but it isn’t so surprising when you think about it: private companies are designed to make profits. They have done nothing wrong, and the government cannot stop them.

The mistake was privatising the service industries. If they had remained in the public sector, brown could now step in and artificially buoy them against this global economic downturn. But no. the Tories privatised them, so they will continue screwing us. Ironically enough, because of this we will soon re-elect the party which caused this mess in the first place. How short-sighted can we get?

I must admit this guardian article has given me considerable pause for thought. Things are indeed going wrong under new labour – a lot of people are becoming disenfranchised with it, forcing people to swing to the far right. This isn’t just happening here, but in Europe too. It certainly is a worrying trend: the labour back bench is sharpening knifes, the bnp are winning more and more seats on councils, and David CaMoron is measuring the curtains of number ten.

Personally, I’d chose the Tories over the bnp any day, but I’d prefer it if labour got a new leader, a fresh start, and sent CaMoron back to the prep school from whence he came.

One of the best things about going home for the weekend, apart from the food and the chance to watch top gear in comfort, is getting to read the new scientist. I could read it in the library at university of course, but it’s not quite the same. This week, there was a feature on reason itself, which interested me greatly.

There seem to be places where science and philosophy merge or overlap, and indeed spread into politics. It occurred to me, while I was reading, that questioning the essence of reason in itself betrayed a political bent. For one to ask such questions in the first place, it is necessary for one to assume that there are no absolutes, only perception. This is, of course, a movement which began in the enlightenment: the movement away from the idea of absolute truth.

Yet it occurs to me that this is, in and of itself, liberal. Had the forces of conservatism prevailed, we would have such to the old beliefs concerning true and false, and the enlightenment would never have happened. Ideas concerning the flexibility of truth, perception, etc are liberal ideas. But this is where I got into a muddle.

As I understand it, liberalism decrees that every point of view is equally valid, from whence it follows that there can be no one absolute truth. Conservatism, on the other hand, states that there are absolute truths, that we should stick to old values, and that concepts such as right and wrong do therefore exist. I wrote several years ago that this causes a paradox: if all viewpoints are valid, then conservatism is valid, but conservatism states that there is only one true viewpoint. Conservatism is essentially incompatible with science, then, ass they are both making opposite claims. If, as roger Penrose pointed out in his article, that we can no longer be absolutely sure that two and two make four, how can we be absolutely sure of anything at all? But then, how can we be sure that conservatism isn’t a good idea? If we can never be sure of anything, how can we be sure that we can never be sure of anything?

[matt scratches head] I guess the only solution is democracy: go by what the majority of people believe to be true (however ridiculously gullible and narrow-minded the majority are). Truth can only be determined by perception, and perception is both individual and relative. But if most people state that they believe in the idea of an absolute truth, then, under the standards of democracy, the concept of truth exists. Most people say that two an two is four, but it is possible that each time that sum has been done, people have got it wrong, however extremely remote that possibility is. We cannot go with the majority either. In a way, for one to say that there is no absolute truth, one must invoke a concept of truth, so both positions are equally valid. Truth does and does not exist simultaneously. Ergo, both conservatism and liberalism are equally valid.

This is all rather confusing. Time for me to get on with stuff though. I would, however, appreciate feedback.

There can be no doubt that yesterday’s bi-election in Scotland was the death-knell for Gordon brown. As much as I loathe that weasel CaMoron and his imageobsessed Tories, I cannot see any way out for labour. The thought of an election turns my stomach with fear but I now think one is probably imminent. If only people would see CaMoron for what he is; more and more people are turning back to the Tories. If only they had the brains to realise that, under the Tories, the situation would be much worse.

Yet I suppose I better keep some perspective. I was just checking the bbc website, and I read in the history section that on this day in 1939, ‘Nazi Germany begins the systematic ‘euthanasia’ of disabled children, killing many thousands.” While I may hurl abuse at the Tories and their leader, I know they remain rational.

Then again, if only others had enough perspective to realise how much better off the country is than in, say, 1996! They wouldn’t be so enamoured with CaMoron then!

I must say that, even though I’ve had multiple distractions recently, I’m finding my research as fascinating as ever. It has, of course, taken something of a diversion recently, into fan culture. I must say that I find the discourse of the fan hugely engaging; it isn’t too far removed from that of the cinephile, and yet it is also very postmodern in the way it merges media. Yet there are places where the two discourses overlap, too: they both fixate on the contingent, for example.

I sometimes think I’ll be at university forever. I’m in two minds about this – part of me says I should move on, to find bigger pastures, as most of my friends have done; on the other hand, the environment here on campus is pretty much ideal for my needs: secure and safe, but allowing me the independence I need. What is quite certain though is that I’ll be here till December finishing my thesis. And then? Who knows? Maybe a PhD, either here or another university. I certainly think that what I’m doing has a PhD in it, and frankly it makes sense from the perspective of my needs.

In the light of Beth’s own response to what I wrote yesterday, I’d like to apologise. It seems I grossly misunderstood her words. She corrects me: ”I am happy and confident all the time, this includes when I go out with my friends from mainstream school and do ‘normal things’.” …which is as it should be, and I must stop talking shit. Sorry beth

I know it breaks my non link posting rule, but this is the work of genius. I’ve been reading a book on star wars fan’s and online communities – the fan-scholar being, in my opinion, every bit as engaged with his subject as the cinephile – which referenced several fan films. I was watching some, and George Lucas in Love seems too good not to share. It’s just chock full of intertextual references; one can tell that it was produced by a cinephile.

I find Onevoice, as an organisation, reparable. What it does in supplying a support framework for kids who use aac and their families, by bringing them together with role-models, is utterly pronominal. And yet there is something which isn’t quite right.

I was sitting,, yesterday afternoon, to a talk by a young voca user called Beth. Beth has the new lightwriter, and is bright as a button. Yet she described Onevoice as ‘her world’, a place where she could feel strong and confident, the implication being, of course, that outside of the biannual Onevoice events, she was not so confident.

This frankly worried me. I would guess that it isn’t just Beth that feels this way. Why should the worlds of such kids be so small? Why should they have to wait six months or so to show their true selves? You know me – I like to think I’m pretty confident enough (indeed, my confidence often seeps into stupidity) but it strikes me as unfair that kids like Beth should feel so constantly in the minority that she becomes shy.

I would like to tell her that ‘her world’ is ‘our world’; it exists everywhere. The fact that she uses a lightwriter is part of who she is, but only in the way that her brown hair is part of who she is. I fear she has restricted herself, as many do, to the sphere of her disability, which rhetorically exists separate from the mainstream. Thus, to her, ‘her word’ only exists twice a year.

I am glad Onevoice gives people confidence. But it mustn’t end there. It makes me sad that I don’t really know the solution.

I won’t write much tonight. I just got in from Onevoice. My old friend lee took me, and we both enjoyed it. As I say, I found such work very for filling, and it as good to show my old school friend another aspect of my new life. Anyway, I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, for now I have dinner to get and stuff to sort.

Tuesday afternoon something weird happened on my way to Chester; I’ve been in two minds over whether to record it here, since I don’t like dwelling on such matters. It is, however, very pertinent to this blog.

I was on the twenty, sitting quietly, on my way to Crewe. There were two boys at the back of the bus – they must have been about 16 or 17, in baseball caps and tracksuits. You know the type: scallies. I noticed them giggling at something, but thought little of it. The giggling, however, persisted. After a while the lady in front of theem turned around and told them to shut up. It was obvious then that I was the butt of their joke.

I am not used to being laughed at. Stared at, perhaps, but not laughed at. I suddenly felt angry. Am I comic? Am I so inferior to them that it inspires mirth? I wanted to throttle them; I wanted to tell them I have a degree, which is probably a damn sight more than they’re going to get (yes, I know I’m stereotyping here, but I was pissed off). That was the first time anyone has actually laughed at me, without me doing anything to cause it, and I did not like it one bit.

My chair came back yesterday. It was actually quite a scary day, and rather exhilarating at the same time, because I was supposed to be in Chester by half four, and it still hadn’t arrived at lunchtime. I was using a seriously underpowered one lent to me. I also had a meeting t half one concerning my continued support.

So, we had to leave the loaned chair in reception while we went to the meeting, in the hope that my own chair would be delivered in the meantime. Luckily, it was, and after the meeting – about half two – I had to bomb it down into the village centre, picking up my stuff here of course. From there I got the 20 to Crewe, getting into Crewe bus station just in time to see the bus to Chester depart. 4.30 was then unachievable. However, I had a list of contacts on my lap, and I asked a friendly bus driver to phone Charlie to tell her I was going to be late.

Charlie then asked him to phone her when we got to Chester so that she could come meet me at the terminus. About 90 minutes later – between 5.30 and 6, I think – I was in Chester bus station, and quite soon after that I saw C come round the corner. The joneses don’t live far from the city centre, and I was soon once again at the burrow eating beans on toast.

Charlie and her sister poppy then changed – c wore one of the dresses she got in Paris – and we drove to the school where charlotte teaches. It was a very good concert; Charlie is extremely good at getting choirs into shape, of course, but I must admit the highlight was an amazing piano solo by a young person whose name sadly escapes me. The talent this girl had was quite astounding – I have seldom heard a piano being played like that, let alone seen it.

This morning, having told homecare I wasn’t going to be home, I stayed in Chester. Charlie suggested we have lunch together, and after that we walked together back to the bus station. The trip back was uneventful, if slow due to the early rush hour, and I got back here about an hour ago. I still have a lot to organise – getting to Onevoice on Saturday for one thing – but going to see friends, under my own steam,, boosts my confidence. I see such trips as essential: not only does it help me maintain a very dear friendship, but it reminds me how much I can do, and have yet to do but haven’t yet tried.

As a person currently looking for his own place, this article from Laurence Clarke strikes a chord. I can find nowhere, in the local area, which fits my needs. I’m therefore torn between staying here, at uni, or going back home. Both my parents and I agree that I have more freedom here, access to facilities etc, and I have the ability to come and go. Yet, problem is, I cant stay here forever…

I was listening to radio four this morning. I think it was on there that I heard David CaMoron talking about how he believes we should all regain our principles of what is right and wrong. Sounds good, doesn’t it, but think about it foe a mo. Right and wrong are not absolutes. For example, people say stealing is bad, but is it wrong to condemn a man for stealing a loaf to feed a starving family? People say drugs are bad, then go down the pub for a crafty Pint. What is alcohol if not a drug? While I acknowledge that some things are unacceptable, I just say that, before we describe them as good or bad, we must understand the context.

I have long known that moral absolutes don’t exist. The concepts of good and evil are just that: concepts. They are interchangeable, depending on one’s perspective. Nothing is as ever as simple as a gut reaction distinction between fair and foul, which the leader of the opposition seems too be arguing for. Frankly, in this enlightened age, CaMoron appears a numpty for suggesting a return to such antiquated values.. I mean, think about it! The moment they aree placed under any inteligent analysis, historical, plilosophical or psychological, the concepts of good and bad merg.

I guess I began my career as a disability consultant today. As I said, I had been invited to this ‘thing’ at the new vic theatre, hanley, about disability. I was reluctant to let my friends down, so I went.

It was certainly interesting. It turns out that it was for the learning support staff at the Newcastle FE college. It was about good practice, acceptable language etc in conjunction with students with disabilities. People used performance to explore these issues. Apart from a lady with dyspraxia, I was the only disabled person there, and was relied upon to give input, pointers and opinions. I felt rather important. In my opinion, you jut have to be yourself in such situations: people call themselves ‘disability consultants’, offering their homespun, poorly thought-out opinions to anyone who’ll pay them, when all you have to do is to be open and honest.

Anyway, it was quite an interesting day. Although I did feel kind of like the token cripple there, I was glad to help. Who knows, maybe this could lead to something.

Defiant broke last night. I was on my way to a meeting – conveniently enough in the pub so I could have dinner at the same time – when clonk! The right motor stops working. I was already late for the meeting, but now I came to a total stop. Luckily, I gott a kindly passer-by to call the pub, who got hold of graham and the woman I was meeting, who took me home.

I’ve been kind of low all day. After the excitement of Paris, life in alsager now seems an endless list of things to sort out. Masters…accommodation…next year…now the chair and the prospect of being stuck over the weekend. I have an appointment Tuesday in Chester I’d rather not miss.

Oh well. At least it keeps me occupied.

Interestingly, I have been invited to a drama thing on Friday. I call it a thing, as both Ricardo and Chris seem rather vague on the subject.. it has something to do with disability, and will be at Newcastle college. I think I have to give my perspective on the subject. They’re my friends, so I’ve agreed, but I can’t help feeling apprehensive.

Today was such a busy day – literally, non stop. I’ll go to bed soon, but stay tuned – I’ll fill you in when I have more information and energy.

Today was my little brother’s graduation day. Because of school and stuff, we only graduated a year apart, despite me being three years older than he is. Mum and dad went, but I couldn’t attend. They popped by about six. Surprisingly, Luke was with them, rather than out partying where he should have been!

Well done Luke! Well, three firsts out of three isn’t bad!

I just got back from Paris. Except maybe for Sydney, Paris is the city I love the most in all the world. I went with my friend Charlie – who, incidentally, just passed her PGCE – and I think it’s fair to say that we both had a whale of a time. Charlotte seems to have the ability to do anything she puts her mind to, including pushing me through the streets of Paris for hours, looking at the sights, stopping for coffees, doing a little shopping as we went. There is simply nothing better than exploring such a great city with one of your best friends. I must say that charlotte astounded me this holiday, but I think she thought it wasn’t that big of a deal. Her thirst for life and her warmth and humanity makes her a truly remarkable person, and one whom I am honoured to call one of my best friends.

Giving a complete step-by-step account would be far too tedious, and I could never recapture the sense of fun and freedom I had. Highlights included getting to the front of the crowd to look at the Mona Lisa – we were let beyond the barrier, but if you ask me its just a picture of a bored woman; going for a boat trip along the seine; going up the Eiffel tower (for a discount!) and, of course, euro Disney! Degree or no degree, you can never be too old for Disneyland, and wee both had a great time zooming about the park skipping the cues. another highlight was eating something we decided to call ‘cow ib a pot’ – a giant dish of about 6 types of meat on top of potatoes and saurcraut.

These are things which I will remember for the rest of my life. The sense of fun Charlie has is infectious, and I have never felt so alive. Trips like this make me feel like I can do anything – with friends like charlotte, the sky is the limit. I now feel ready to return to my work – and, to this end, visiting the home of cinephilia was an advantage, for it has inspired me. It was probably a combination of the city and charlotte’s joix d’vive that has refreshed my appetite. Travelling always seems to have tat effect on me, but this time, because it was a more or less independent trip, that effect is redoubled. There’s something I cannot quite explain – I now feel a sense of satisfaction, great admiration for charlotte, happiness, sorrow that its over, and eagerness to go again.

I think we both would like to go again sometime. Who knows: with any luck, this will be just the first of many such adventures.