they could have come found me

What hurts the most is the fact that I wasn’t consulted. On Tuesday, the cast of roadwork met in the screening room. I, as you know, couldn’t find them. Ricardio, it seems, didn’t show up due to personal issues. However, in both of our absences, the cast decided to cancel the show – Ricardio, they felt, had mucked them about too much. Quite frankly, and having had time to reflect on this, their decision pisses me off. My loyalties still lie with Ricardio, ultimately, and what the cast have done strikes me as unprofessional. We had commitments as a company; they should be followed through.

We have a meeting tonight at 7. time to make my opinions heard.

to drink or not to drink

I really fancy a beer tonight. Now, I know what you’re gonna say: ”Matt, you always fancy a beer”, but it’s now been almost a week since I had any alcohol. Granted, my ribs still hurt, but…you know, the sun is out and one won’t hurt. Of course, it depends how this evening shapes up: I have business to conduct with jo and Ricardio if we can find him. Things basically turned pearshaped yesterday, and we need to clear up the mess. I’m not sure if drink would be a help or a hindrance.

One thing is certain, though: I ain’t going to brandies.

looking for the bugman

I went out earlier just before six, looking for Ricardio and co. They always rehearse at 6 on Tuesdays, but I couldn’t find them anywhere. I missed the last two due to my back, so may have missed an announcement, but it’s still both annoying and something of a mystery. On the upside, my ribs are hurting less: I’ve been monitoring the pain on a scale from one to ten, as a kind of mental game, and, aside from a few pangs, it hasn’t exceeded 4 or 5 all day. Plus, I had a very productive meeting with robin Nelson this morning: it seems my thesis might not be as bad as I feared!

Now back to looking for Ricardio.

better

While the pain in my ribs and back has not gone completely, it is now a damn sight better than it was. I think a weekend at home did me good. Mind you, it was agony at times – especially in bed Saturday night. I had to call my parents, who gave me a painkiller. Last night, however, I got a fairly good nights sleep, except that I had to lie on my right side all night which made my leg and arm go dead. This morning, though, I felt able to come back to uni. I have work to do, people to meet, and coffee to drink.

I think watching goldeneye helped.

No More Martini

My rib is either fractured, splintered or broken, so I’ve decided to go home this weekend for a bit of TLC and slob out in front of the television. Of course, they can’t do anything for ribs but give you painkillers, so the best thing for me to do is just keep as still as possible. This is easier said than done for a guy with CP. The thing is though, I don’t have a PC set up at home so I was in a bit of a dilemma as to whether to go. Half my life is centred around the internet, including my relationship with Lyn. I feel guilty when I can’t speak to her but I’ll try to commandeer my parents PC. On the plus side, Esther’s just reminded me that Goldeneye is on this weekend so that’s something to look forward to. Ordinarily I would ask Mum to make a martini to drink with it, but I’ve given up alcohol.

Well at least until after my ribs get better.

fuck this hurts

Falling is not as easy as it used to be. It used to be much less painful. I went to brandies last night for the neon night. You know me: I can’t resist that sort of stuff. There were all sorts of costumes there. I considered going in a catsuit or leotard, but in the end just put on my new green hoodie I got in London. It’s probably just as well, as about half ten I decided I needed the loo and promptly fell over getting out of my chair. It’s lucky I left the door unlocked because rob, noticing how long I’d been, came looking. We came home.

I woke up in pain. I think I’ve broken a rib or something. My p.a, coming to dress me, could tell something was wrong and called dad. He came, and got me a doctor’s appointment. He should be here soon.

Just when you feel all strong and independent, something like this happens, and knocks you back.

‘disabled Tory’

There is this guy on the internet who really has got me riled. I know, I know – I’m always getting riled by people online; I should stop, but half my life is online. This guy calls himself a ‘disabled tory’ and claims to hate liberalism. He told me last night that the French revolution was a mistake, and spouts a load of bull about class. Given he has cp, it is both an irony and a sign of how deluded this guy is that he cant realise it is only through liberal ideals that he enjoys the life he does. Only the state can level the playing field.

I am, of course, a left-leaning liberal. I believe that all people are equal, and should therefore have equal access to things like education and healthcare. All humans have equal potential, irrespective of economic background, ethnicity, ‘class’ or disability. In a way, I’m a communist: the state, as an extension of the people, should not be ruled by an elite. We should all have chance to go into politics run the country, or go into whatever profession we chose. This can only be done if everyone is treated equally, and starts from the same place. If we left market forces to rule the roost, as this moron seems to propose, only the most able and privileged and selfish would rise to the top, resulting in a waste of talent. After all, what about the likes of me? If pure capitalism ruled, we’d be left to starve, never mind that I have a pretty good brain on my head. Why this guy seems to want to cling to outdated values like class and privilege is beyond me. Wealth redistribution, albeit in a limited form, is the most just, intelligent and efficient way to achieve equality and advance society. The alternative is the lazes-faire politics of the nineteenth century.

on top of this, he’s also against the right to protest/riot, spouting some bull about social order or something. The right to protest – to make one’s voice heard – is sacrosanct. What did Mandela do if not protest? Or Gandhi? Or Dr. King? Ballot boxes are good, but sometimes they do not go far enough. thus, to deny the right to civil disobedience – for that is what a riot is – smacks of fascism. Of course, peaceful protests are more respectable and effective than riots, but to deny the right to riot frankly runs counter to all civilisation and democracy.

fool.

not the odd one out any more

It used to really get my goat that my brothers had girlfriends and I didn’t. not just my brothers, but my cousins too. They’re all in happy relationships. Marks been going out with Kat for ages; Luke has yan; my cousin Cyril has Saran; Chris has tom, and alex is married to Suelane. I used to feel very left out, especially when we all got together. But this weekend it struck me that that was no longer so. It’s been a year since I first met Lyn in the flesh; a great year. Okay, it’s had it’s ups and downs, but I think I needed to be sure that she was the one. now I look forward to the day when we’re all together – Lyn by me, Kat and mark, Luke with yan, and so on. Aye, that would be great!

london exploration

My parents just dropped me off after a weekend in London. It was Greek Easter – the orthodox calendar being slightly out of alignment with the catholic one – so we went down there to celebrate with my grandmother. I’m pleased to say that I had a great time this year. I usually get bored sitting around yaiya’s house, but on Saturday, my cousin’s Christina and Cyril, and Chris’s boyfriend Tom, pushed me into London city centre for a few hours.

I have never actually explored London; not in any great depth, anyway. It was great, then, to spend some time visiting the aquarium, looking at sights, walking along the river with my family. I actually started to like our capital; okay, it lacks the sheer beauty of Paris, and it lacks the equivalent of the champs Ellyses in terms of a main focal street, but I found it not without it’s charm. Hopefully, this will be the first of many such adventures with my cousins.

Well, Saturday night was church; Sunday we mostly stayed in (but my bro Luke had arrived, so it was cool) and this morning we came home. Mind you, I’m now looking forward to living with Lyn in London even more. Imagine it – a thriving metropolis at my fingertips.

exemption

Check this out. According to the metro, a 33-year-old man with cp was banned from a pub for being ‘over the limit.’ He’d only had two pints of bud – which is pissweak tastless crap anyway – but was refused a third in order to prevent him from drink driving. Lol. I especially like the last paragraph: ”The chronically sick and disabled person’s act states that invalid carriages like Mr. Cook’s wheelchair are exempt from Traffic laws.

Ha. I is exempt!