We were over on the south bank yesterday afternoon, enjoying the city. It was a lovely day, and it was quite busy. We’d taken the tube to Westminster, then crossed the river. There, near the London eye, we found a load of street performers – people pretending to be statues and the like – and it gave me an idea. I began to wonder if I could be such a performer: after all, these fools were making money just by standing still. Obviously the idiots on the south bank would give money for anything.

So, the question is, what could I do? I can’t stay still for toffee, so obviously pretending to be a statue is out of the question; I can’t draw or play an instrument either. I might be able to recite poetry from my lightwriter. I decided that doing a live version of Spastic Ballet might be cool, until they arrested me, I needed the loo, or I fell over. I’m still trying to think of something.

After looking at these street artists for a bit, we went to the British film institute for a coffee and to see if there was a book store. I found something awesome in there: the bar in the BFI sells Vespers, made to bond’s original recipe, and, of course, shaken, not stirred. I didn’t have any, as it was very expensive and too early, but I think I’ll definitely have to go back there, with or without my tutu.