If I ever become prime minister, I think one of the first things I’d do is legalise the use of guns, but only for disabled people and only in specific circumstances. I ordinarily oppose the use of violence, but there are times when I have badly wanted a gun, such as last night. We were in a pub, having a quiet beer, when a guy started to talk to us. At first he was okay, but he soon got offensive – very offensive. He started to insult our PA, Marta, trying to tell her how to do her job; he was condescending and rude, and he didn’t understand why he wanted to go away. I became very angry – Marta does her job very well indeed, and I will not have her insulted. At that moment, I whish I had a more effective means of making the guy clear off, like a gun.

I admit this might not be my best idea: letting inebriated wobblies like myself use firearms may be particularly unwise. Yet the fact is, people like me and Lyn seem to get this abuse quite often, ad I’m starting to tire of having to put up with it.