While I still don’t feel quite right, and you should see the mess my bum just fired, machine gun like, into the loo, I feel a hell of a lot better than I did yesterday. Twenty-four hours ago I was in hospital, having puked all over the bed at about 4am. How I got there runs like a Victorian farce: I puked, Lyn rang the alarm; the emergency staff came, and thought Lyn was having a fit when she was just trying to get out of bed. They called an ambulance but before it arrived we managed to explain she was fine. The ambulance arrived, they took my temperature, and decided to give me a paracetamol.

Everything would have returned to normal had I not puked again at that point. The ambulance drivers would have gone, and we would have got back into bed. But I puked, and was taken to hospital. I thought they were just going to check me over and let me come home, but instead they put a saline drip in my arm. Thereupon followed a weird, very boring, few hours, during which time I grew more and more anxious to get home: I knew Lyn would be worried about me. I felt afraid and alone, being patronised by staff. Eventually, when the drip was over, and after a long wait for a porter to push me, I was moved to a place where I could wait for transport home. I was in my manual chair: had I been in defiant I’d have been homelike a shot. But no, they made me wait – I kept telling them to ring my friend to pick me up, but they refused to do so. Needless to say, I was fast loosing my temper.

What happened then, however, was one of the most incredible things of my life. I’d popped into the loo, and when I came out chopper was there, powerful and decisive. Never have I been more relieved to see anyone – you couldn’t have scripted it better. It was as if some deity had taken pity and sent me exactly what I needed, but in fact Lyn had just asked him to come get me. I guess that makes Lyn a god, but I digress.

Well, without further ado – chopper never being one for waiting on protocol – we were out of there like bats out of hell. We first came here to see Lyn, then, not wanting her to catch what I had, I spent the afternoon at choppers. There I snoozed on his sofa, coming back home inn the early evening, Skyping my parents, eating some dinner and having an early night. After a good night’s sleep, I woke up feeling much better, but with a newfound dislike of hospitals. Now, however, I’m afraid Lyn has caught what I had yesterday..