I hear there is a new bishop of Rome – a new Pope. A man who, despite all the talk of reform, seems as conservative as the last one. Forgive me for trying to discuss something I am quite ignorant of, but I cannot see the catholic church reforming in the way it needs: it is essentially a medieval institution trying to stay relevant. Frankly, I’m baffled that it is still so strong. I suppose it gives people something solid to hold on to, but that can only last so long.

i had one of my odd but interesting thoughts recently. If I were the Pope’s PR guru (and what’s the betting he has one) what woud I advise the pontiff to do in order to maintain a modicum of relevance? How could we dispel the myth that the pope is an out of date institution dedicated to maintaining a power it does not deserve and protecting it’s peadophile priests? Why, I’d follow the example of the british queen and have il papa perform in a stunt alongside a major film character – what better way to show the 76-year-old Francis to be in tough with the Facebook generation? How about having him be flown to the cathedral by superman, or he could sing some frank zappa, or he could do a version of this old Pyhton skit.

Now, I know what you’re saying: no such thing will ever happen, even a version which didn’t use my suggestions. But why? if the queen could do it, so could the pope, or what is he above which the queen isn’t? I mean this as a serious question: if an institution like the british monarchy can be open to such play, why not the catholic church? At least it would show it to be capable of modernisation and engaging with popular culture. Yet it won’t: it sees itself as Holy, above such things, and thus it has no place in modern culture.