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i often have dificulty walking; speaking to my relitives is difficult, my arms seem to have minds of their own, yet, quite possibly, i am the luckiest fellow alive – i have a wheelchair but ii’m not confined to it; i’m a member of a walm loving family with two great parents and two genious brothers; ok, my limbs often annoy me but they have their uses; and so on. looking at ppl like andy fox, phil littlewood, etc and now reading “summon the lambs”, i realise how bloody lucky i am. things could be so much worse.

do other ppl realise this. do the normal masses realise how lucky they are? i value my position in this life as it allows mw o see both sides – i am, like all ddisabled ppl pittied, yet i can see that i am the lucky one. i am among the rankks of the strong.

summon the lambs to slaughter

on thursday, ouch’s monnthly newsletter came into my inbox, and there was ann article concerning Harry Potter fanfiction written by disabled people. ‘interesting’ i thoght. it mentioned a story called summon the lambs to slaughter, written by someone writing under the pen-name La Gava. I looked it up and started to read, and it has seldom been out of my head since.

it ism’t short – 20 chapterrs of lord of the rings legnth – but, by god its powerful. the main character, Rebecca stanhope, has c.p, and the story is about her days at hogwarts. she faces dispicable persecution from snape, and mollycoddling from other teachers. the physical dificulties rebecca hasx are described with a beautiful terible accuracy – these include the discription off thhe moro reflex, which i know welll, and spasms. although rebecca talks well, it is clear her cp is more severe than mine, reminding me of Allex Langley.

Power not only comes from the dhe desccrjiption of rebecca. but the discriiption of the students at her old school in the u..s. these were, like rrebecca, disabled witches and wizards. with various disabilitibes. A reader can sense the authors frustration and white-hot anger, as she describes the death of fellow students – she describes a stuudentt dying froom m.d, “suffocating under his own weight”, bringing back my own painful nemmories of andy fox; she describes a suiccide of one student with emense loathing, seing it as a cowards way out when compared to those whho fight everyday for “one more dawn”. This has a profound effect on me – i have contemplated my own death, but now see it as cowardice.

thus one gets the picture that rebeccca has great mental power, as most disablled ppl have; she is stubbon; she turns the other cheek to malfoy and snapes insults, which would have seen me trying to kill them. Although rebecca is detatched, she is inspirational and somewhat life affirming, for me at least.

i now like my position in the world. i am a cripple. i aam proud. please read this book

night b4 exam

its the niht before my exam. i’m truly scared- i don’t feel at all good. i have to relax. its too damn hot i havent tossed today just so i have something 2 loo forward to tomorrow evening. how sad.

the euro

as u might know, britain has decided not to enter the euro. who. conservative dithering and emotional attatchment to some long past mmpirre hhas doomed the u.k to becoming a thrd rate state which will sink into irrelivence, lest we swing our backs onto the e.u soon.

get this: grandma said yesterday that ‘mixing’ with people is bad. lol