Since posting my last entry, the truth is I’ve been more confused than ever about my feelings. I’ve been thinking a lot about my own sexuality and gender. There are times when the thought of becoming a girl seems utterly preposterous: I’m happy as a guy; I have no real reason to change and to do so would cause no end of trouble. Yet there are also times when the idea seems so compelling that it’s all I can think of; that I need to change in order to be happy, and that things aren’t right as they are.

The thing is, at the moment I feel trapped. I feel like I need to escape, but don’t know how or where to. There are, it seems, no accessible busses out of this goddamn town. I’m pretty sure the two are linked. I don’t know how becoming a woman would help; perhaps it would calm me down, make me happier, give me a fresh start. I know that’s probably an illusion, and that in transitioning I would probably estrange most of my friends and family, so I’m stuck as matt. Well, I think my friends would get used to it; not sure about my family. Either way, I’m still not sure whether this is what I truly want, and the confusion is getting be down even more.