I am back home, briefly. I’ve been staying with Lyn for the last week, where highlights included trying to teach Karolyna the phrase ‘smeg head’ and Lyn’s neighbours birthday party on Saturday. I don’t remember too much about said party, only being called a lightweight by a 12 year old. Grr. He should have been in bed anyway. I’m off again on Thursday for my brother’s wedding, which I’m really looking forward to, although, if I’m honest, I’m slightly nervous about too. I mean: Luke, marrying? Part of me still sees him as my little-big brother, who has always cared for me. It wasn’t so long ago that we were squabbling over toys, or he was telling me to stop getting comfortable.

But Luke has turned into a man, and a damn good one at that. He is a person of honour, unafraid to do the right thing. I respect what he is doing on Saturday; I am proud to call him my brother, as I shall be to call yan my sister. I love you bro.

I should point out that my previous entry was intended to be ironic and tounge in cheeek. However, I should add that I’m still pretty angry about recent events – I do not think I was treated at all fairly. I do not want to ban kids from tthe ‘net, but some people seem to want to censor me.

Recent events have caused me to rethink my stance on censorship. I usually take a liberal position on such matters: I think everything should be open, honest and available. Take drugs,, for example: I recently found that I do not llike weed, but I didn’t know that till I tried it. Until then it was something verboten – a mystery to be fettishised. The same goes with information, data and so forth – I believe, or used to believe, that all information should be freely available to all. How else could one make informed decisions?

We all know that the internet is a great place to find stuff out as well as to share information. On the internet I can put my opinions forth, I can find information about almost anything, I can catch up with my friends and show them what I’ve been getting up to. However, the problem is that kids use the net too, and their little brains are apparently not ready for certain things. Given that kids must be protected, either we impose some kind of censorship on the net, or some kind of age restriction. In my opinion, to censor the internet would be impractical; it would also defeat it’s very purpose. I know there’s already a ban on extreme material online, as there should be, but I’m talking about things that most people wouldn’t bat an eyelid at but kids wouldn’t understand. I rather think it would be more practical to ban children from the net until their sixteenth birthday. This would be enforceable given that, before that age, most kids are around parents or teachers when using computers. We already ban buying alcohol, driving cars and having sex before that age, and using the internet can be more dangerous than any of those things.

This goes against all my instincts, but I’ve decided that the only way to protect kids online is simply not to let them online, as the alternative would make a mockery of the very concept of the net.

Something odd happened in Tesco this morning: I got asked for ID. I was replacing the beer I drank over the weekend, but the staff wouldn’t let me buy any until I showed them either my passport or driving license. I had to come all the way back here to get my passport, then go back to get the beer.

This has never happened before. I don’t think I look that young, do i? from the way in which the staff were asking one another ”Is anyone with him?”, I cannot help but think that it has something to do with my disability. They were also being highly condescending. Once I got my passport, they had no choice but to give e the beer, but I am sick of being treated like a child just because I have CP,

Whatever I right on here tonight it’ll be wrong. Either that or it’ll offend someone. Or I’ll be accused of lying or cheating, or being sexually explicit. Or not appropriate for kids. Or whatever. So I won’t. I’ll just say that stuff’s got pretty complicated recently, but I’m sure I can work it all out. You know, one of the risks of keeping a blog is that you risk saying something you really shouldn’t. when you try to blog every day you sometimes forget a blog isn’t a personal diary. This thing has got me into a lot of trouble over the years. And yet something compels me to tap some irrelevant crap into it every day. It’s like a form of therapy, almost, only the internet is a bizarre, often judgemental therapist.

I guess I’m going through the best of times, and the worst of times at the same time. As I alluded to yesterday, the 1voice thing went tits-up; long story short, I do not think they want me as a role model any more. I’m not happy, but hey. However, this left me with a PA at my disposal for the weekend, Steve. He’s been stayiig with us, and today we went down to hanley on the bus. I have officially started my Christmas shopping, and I really enjoyed having someone to hhelp out. Plus, tomorrow we are going up to see Becca again – she has promised to introduce me to a few people in the avant-garde of politics and gender and disability and all that cool stuff. Should be fun.

things have basically gone rotten, pear-shaped and fucked up with blackpool. I won’t say much. I just feel like directing you guys here

Truth is, I can’t wait till Blackpool this weekend. while I love visiting Lyn, and I loved going to Amsterdam, Chester and London, my participation in 1voice makes me truly feel good about myself. I’d guess Lyn and Charlie get a similar feeling when they teach: the feeling one gets when helping someone. Onevoice is my opportunity to do just that: to give something back, which is why I am honoured to be involved with it.

To put it another way: I have had an awesome range of experiences, raging from, say, having dinner in paris with charlie, my uncle, aunt, brother and kat that night a year ago, to, say, partying with Lyn in a zentai suit; at Onevoice I look at the young people and get a buzz from wondering what the future holdss for them, and thinking that I might be helping them to achieve that future….only theirs probably won’t involve so many zentai suits

I just got home from visiting Lyn in London. My parents went down there to see my grandmother, and thought I might prefer to spend my time with Lyn. It was cool because on Saturday night Lyn was going to a fancy dress party and so could take me along. Hwe had a great time at the party – it was the first time ii had a chance to wear my cat zentai to a party, band I tthink Lyn had fun tugging my lead (photos on facebook)

I should add that I did a lot of walking this weekend too. I couldn’t take either of my chairs, so it was either that or stay at Lyn’s place. It wasn’t too bad, actually – I used Lyn’s chair as a walking frame.

I know my blog has been sparse recently. Problem is I haven’t been here to update it much: London, Amsterdam, Chester, then London again. I should be off to Blackpool on Friday too. Truth is, I’m having a great time, even if my legs arrent used to all that walking.

I was just rummaging around the internet looking for something interesting to say here, when, clicking a link from the ouch messageboard, I came across this. it’s a bbc news article covering the fact that Stephen fry ay have decided to retire from twitter over a seemingly minor disagreement with a fellow internet user. What baffles me is that the bbc decided to post a news story on it. I mean, do they have nothing better to write about? I guess the same goes for me, but I should imagine that the writers at the bbc aren’t all stuck inside with no socks on bored witless. Mind you I guess I should start getting stuff ready to go to Lyn’s this weekend. then it’s Onevoice the weekend after. I should have plenty to discuss next week.

I must admit to breaking my vow to abstain from beer this evening. Mum made liver and bacon; it was delicious, and I could not resist a real ale to wash it down. This may mean I’m an alcoholic, but what the heck?

At the end of the meal, I looked up at the kitchen clock. Allowing for the time difference, it was almost exactly a week ago that we were in that club in Amsterdam watching the man with the guitar. He also had an accordion, and he played both with vigour. I mean he seemed to almost attack the instruments, making quick, sudden, aggressive movements. It was very amusing – I do not think I have seen, or heard, anything like it.

Yet what I remember the most about that evening is that Lyn wore make-up. It mustn’t have been easy for her to put it on, but she looked gorgeous that night. I regret not telling her at the time – I was fixated by the madman on stage, and by the atmosphere. You know, that was a truly great night.

Friday night is children in need night. You know, I still have partial memories of being dressed up and bussed into winsford town centre as a young child in order to rattle collection buckets by school. I must have been five or six. Back then, of course, I thought it was great fun. Yet with hindsight, I see it as exploitative and repressive.

Charity represses disabled people, turning us into victims and objects of pity. We are, of course, neither, and I will decapitate anyone who says otherwise. It is true that we crips do need more support, but it should be the duty of the entire community (ie the state) rather than the conscious-placating activity of the altruistic few. That way, the implication is that we are a valued part of the community rather than a bunch of outcasts dependent on begging and handouts. There is no denying, of course, that charity is born of kindness, but in this case it is a misdirected kindness which casts disabled people as victims and outcasts rather than as an integral part of the whole. This is why my politics are to the left of centre; I do not want to be seen as a victim, but as a valued citizen.

It has been a slow, long day. Every year before now I’ve been at school, college or university at this time of year, so it’s weird to me at home. Truth be told I cannot help but feel rather disheartened by it all – I can’t really go out in this weather, and I still don’t have a PA to drive me places. So I’m pretty much stuck at my pc, or in front of the TV. I’d like a job, but there are none. Oh well, I’m sure something will come up. It just seems so anticlimactic after the last two weeks.

I think I need to make a rash decision. I need to do something which goes against all my instincts: I’ve decided not to drink for a week. That’s right – no more alcohol till Friday! I decided I need to detox. I’ve had a drink almost every night for a couple of weeks at least and want to see if I feel any better if I stay off the booze. It’s not that I feel particularly bad, but it may help to give my liver a rest after Amsterdam.