On chairlessness

I am now officially chairless. To tell the truth I have been without both my electric wheelchairs for a couple of months now, but it wasn’t until this morning that the guy from the shop where we bought the chairs came down from Cheshire to pick them up. With any luck I will soon have them back. I have, however, noticed something odd: part of me really misses them, of course. I am far less mobile; I cannot go out on my own; when Lyn and I go shopping, say, or when Lyn plays at an olympic ceremony, I have to walk as our one PA cannot push both our manual chairs. This exhausts me, causing my legs and feet to hurt like hell. Within a few steps I am craving my chair as a crack head craves his next fix.

And yet – and here’s the odd part – a few steps more and it’s okay. I start to enjoy it; the pain somehow eases. I hold my head up, remind myself to put my feet flat on the ground, and walk alongside my fiance. I cannot zoom ahead as I usually do in my char, and instead walk beside my girlfriend as any other couple would, an that feels right. I cannot go gadding off on my own as I used to either: it used to be a habit of mine to take long walks, something which thinking about it probably contributed to the damn things packing up; nor can I just decide to go down the pub at a moments notice. Instead I stay at home with Lyn, something far better when you think about it. We have really been hanging out together, spending time at home listening to music and watching the odd film in the evening. This is where I belong, not pickling myself in a pub, and certainly not hanging around with some prick called chopper who was full of shit and who rarely, if ever, paid for the beers.

(I have not seen him in months, by the way, which is probably a good thing.)

Thus, having no wheelchair is, without doubt, a pain in the arse, yet in a strange way I must say part of me likes it. Yes my legs hurt, but they also feel stronger. Of course I am longing for my wheels back, but I’m finding having to use my legs isn’t so bad. In fact even when I have them back I might consider leaving it behind sometimes, but then, why walk when one can ride?

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