Fao Iain Duncan-Smith
It has come to my attention this morning that you were knighted in this year’s new year’s honours list. Let me assure you now: in my opinion and that of many others, you are no knight of the realm. Such an honour would rank you alongside men like Sir David Attenborough and Sir Sam Mendes- men whose cultural contributions make the nation proud. I assure you now, sir, in no way do you rank alongside such fine people. Rather than bringing pride to the nation you bring shame to it and indeed humanity. Through implementing policies like the Bedroom Tax, you have made millions despair and driven many to suicide. Indeed the United Nations was forced to conduct an inquiry into your inhumane policies, the conclusion of which, I note, was neatly hushed up.
Thus to award you this honour would insult all those who really deserve it, together with all those who have suffered from your reluctance to correctly fund their support. You are no knight of the realm. Instead of ranking alongside those we honour, you stand with the murderers, rapists and cheats who shame and embarrass society; and I refuse absolutely ever to prefix your ignoble name with the word ‘Sir’.