I still feel uneasy about what happened here yesterday. Part of me says my concerns were legitimate from an academic perspective, but a larger part of me says I was being an elitist prat. I suppose I was being narrow minded, and Kate’s point about me ‘always saying you are pro inclusion – or is that only at school level. You seem to be saying higher education is only for non or not quite so disabled people.” Made me feel like dirt. She is, of course right. I should never have written that damn piece, let alone posted it.
On a much happier note, yesterday was Dan’s birthday. Dan is the boyfriend of Vikki, and they’re both good friends of mine. Just after lunchtime, I was talking to Vikki, who was telling me about how herself, Dan and a few friends were going to a Thai restaurant. Jokingly, I said ‘ehem, and why wasn’t I invited?’ (the way my lightwriter says ahem is quite amusing). I expected Vikki to laugh it off, but instead she said they had two spare places – did I want to come?
It transpired that my friend Steve was going. Steve has done some PA work for me in the past, and apparently he would be more than happy to help (although he’s too fine a man ever to say if he wasn’t). to cut a long story short, at about seven last night Vikki, Steve and Nicky came round to my room; I put my coat on and we headed across town to Dan’s. Dan had a couple of mates from back home up, and we watched something called dirty Sanchez while we waiting for the taxi to take us to Crewe. Our table at the lak Thai restaurant being booked for half nine, the plan was to have an aperitif in a pub before eating.
This plan was going quite well, until we got to the pub. We all got in except Jamie, who the bouncers refused to admit. Apparently he looked too young, which is rather silly because I look younger than he does and got in no problem. Poor dude had to wait outside. I was tempted to go to he bouncer and explain that Jamie was on my PA staff (which he kind of was) and therefore needed to be admitted, but that would have just been an abuse of the system, if not downright cheeky.
We stayed in the pub, talking, drinking, and watching music videos. At one stage I found it highly amusing to note that I owned a white leotard similar to those which were currently being worn by the dancers on screen, but nobody was interested in this odd fact except Vikki. I must say that it seemed quite a pleasant little place, if crowded and slightly Smokey. It certainly made a change from brandies and the pubs in alsager.
Either way, about half an hour later we headed out again. I expected to see Jamie by the door, but he wasn’t: I supposed he must have gone for a walk. We started to head to the restaurant, Steve pushing me in front with the others behind, passing the now dark shops. As in Paris, Steve made slightly irreverent jokes about the things we passed (”help the aged? No. we do not want to help the aged. We do not like old people!” in a slightly dirty French accent which had me chuckling.)
It was then that it all went terribly wrong! Out of the dark a man with a hood approached us: ”give me your money!” he demanded. I shrieked, Steve prepared to fight. I thought we were doomed.
The man pulled his hood down to reveal Jamie. Never have I been more relieved to see his wolf-boy complexion. I laughed in the relief we were not doomed after all, silently vowing to ram Jamie in the ankles next time I see him.
”Apparently, disabled people are more likely to be sexually deviant (for want of a better term). This could be due to our affiliation with rear entrances.” I thought this rather crap joke up as we entered the Lak Thai restaurant through the back door, avoiding the stairs at the front. It was then that I had the second shock of the evening, but this one was much nicer. It was a hug.
”is that Jane Higgins?” I thought. Jane, the learning support co-ordinator from South Cheshire College, was sitting at the table in front of the door, and, recognising me, rose and greeted me. It was great to see her again, and we had an all too short conversation before going to join our friends. She is doing well, as bubbly and as exuberant as ever.
The meal, I must say, turned out to be one of the best I’ve had. Ever! It was delicious; I think I’ve fallen in love with Thai cuisine. Me and Steve ordered a meal for two, consisting of a mild, creamy, pork curry, curried fish, and dips. The taste and texture was gorgeous, and I’ve not had food as good as that in a long time.
As I ate, listening to my friends chat, happily celebrating Dan’ birthday, I got to thinking.
”you know, without that lady sitting over there,” I thought, ”I wouldn’t be here. Without her encouragement and support, if not her sheer level headedness, I would still be that rather bitter young man I was four years ago.” When we first met, Jane had asked me a simple, but life altering question:
”Matt, why aren’t you at university.” Before then, it never occurred to me that such a thing was possible: I didn’t think myself good enough. Jane proved that assumption wrong – very wrong. I never thought it possible that I would not be alone.
I looked down the table: Dan, who is always good for a laugh; by him, Vikki, one of the kindest people I know; by me was Nicky, a fellow geek and trekky; and opposite me Steve, who is probably one of the greatest friends I ever had. Before I met Jane, I was a lachrymose little twerp, full of self pity and unable to see beyond disability. Two years at university had taught me how very wrong I was. Looking down that table, I realised with regret the errors I made yesterday: no disability, intellectual and physical, should be seen as a barrier to happiness. No disability, intellectual and physical, should be seen as a barrier to education, at whatever level.
And I was happy. I looked over my shoulder at Jane: ”You know, Steve, I owe that lady a the world.” I said.
The meal continued. After a while Jane came to say goodbye, and presently we left too. Striding out into the rain, listening to my friends chat; then the taxi ride home, snuggling up to Vickie as if to nod off; then the warmth of bed back on campus. To say that anyone should be denied such joy, for whatever reason, is nothing more than idiotic.
The Ill-Informed Ramblings of a Cripple 