I am f#st developing an intense dislikke for busses. Lyn and I can’t drive, and allthough a few of our PAs can it makes sense to use public transport instead of busses. However, as you can probably tell from the llast two or three blog entries I made, I’ve been having a lot of fun with public transport recently. Yesterday was no exceeption, but the problem this time was prams.

We were going to Greenwich just to do some shopping, so we went to the bus stop. As usual, I got on the first bus and Lyn and Marta got on the one after. My trip was uneventful, but at the other end I waited and waited. Eventually I got a text saying they were having trouble getting on the bus: either the ramp didn’t work or there was a pram in the wheelchair space.

Almost exactly the same thing happened on the way back, except I decided to roll home under my own steam. I really do hate when mums put prams in wheelchair spaces, and then ignore the sign asking them to fold it if the space is needed by a wheelchair user. Poor Lyn must have waited about 45 minutes at the bus stop. In fact I would go as far as banning prams from using that space, or ban them from busses. It really is unfair when you’re cold, wet and hungry and you can’t get home just because some mum refuses to pick up their child and fold the pram.

I am starting to feel jinxed. Yesterday evening Lyn needed to get to an arts centre on tghe other side of london. We set off about four thirty, hoping to catch a boat up the river to westminster, then the tube. It started well enough – the boat was full, but not crowded, and although we were sightly late at westminster, we were okay. Howeever, despite Westminster station being marked as accessable, when our train turned up I couldn’t get on. I was in Defiant, and the step was too high.

Part of why lyn is so wonderful is that she lets me do all kinds of stuff but hardly ever puts herself first. Last nnight was an occasion when we were doing something lyn wanted to do. So for me to prevent us from getting there because of my damn wheelcchair felt aweful. Okay, so I wasn’t to know, but I should have gone in my manual chair so we could cope with such contingencies.

In the ennd we had a good meal on the south bank, then came home. I still feel horrid about last night. Guilty and sad that my girlfriend couldn’t do what she wanted because of me. Most of all, though, I feel pissed off at the tube service for marking a station acessable when it wasn’t.

Yesterday afternoon was stupid; in fact, it was a total wste of time and all I got out of it was an increased disliking for busses. I had learned from facebook that there was supposed to be a protest by ddisabled people against the cuts. I gather most disabled people feel as strongly as I do about the cuts in thhe nations budget aabout to be forced upon us. It was in speaker’s corner, in Hyde park. Not having been to a protest before,I decided to go despite the rain.

In retrospect, I should have stayed home and done some reading. It took three busses and two hours to get there: the 53 went on a detour, meaning I had to take the 12 then the 6. It meant a lot of waiting at bus stops, asking for help, then squeezing on to increasingly crowded busses. To make matters worse, the rain got harder and harder. When I eventually got there, I found the place deserted except for a few men tidying up plackards. My fellow crips had deserted their cause already – I was less thaan impressed.

I turned for home. I was going to retrace my stteps, or try to, so I got on a number six. Thhen I realised it went to Trafalgar square, so I could get the 53 directly. I seem to be getting to know my war around town. I got home about two hours later, after what seemed to be the longest and slowest bus ride in history, wet, irritated and needing a drink.

My keeness to protest has not diminished. Would you believe, at PMQ’s today CaMoron tried to claim that todays better-than-expected figures were their fault, when in fact thhey show that what Labour was doing was prudent, and that cutting now will stop the recovery in it’s infancy. I still believe we need to get rid of this government as soon as possible, or at least stop them implementing their draconian, ideologically-inspired cuts. Thus I think we need to protest, to make our voices heard. However, I think it’s best I stick to blogging to do this – it’s far easier, and much, much drier.

I heard the first serious comparisons being made between the economic situation now and that of the thirties last night. It was on newsnight. I’m not an economist, and I couldn’t understand everything they were saying, but for then to draw that comparrison struck me as worrying. No doubt as osbourn’s cuts begin to bite, we’ll slip back into recession. without money going into the system, how can money come oout of it? The ‘big society’ will prove to be the nonsense anyonee with half a brrain can tell it is, and before you know it the economy wiill drop lower than it haas done in seventty years.

This is very worrying. desparate times bring forth extremwe ideas: in the thirties, of course, it brought about the rise of fascism in europe, and already we’re beginning to see that happening again, albeit not to the same degree. As a member of a minority, I’m starting to worry history might start repeating itself unless the economic situation starts to improve. As the cuts bite, peoople will turn away from democracy and become more extreme. They will point to the coallition as weak aand indecisive, and there is no telling what will happen then.

I know you could probably find it via her blog, a link to which I posted the other day, but I think I need to direct you here. It’s a video of Lyn using her Ipad. I know I don’t say much about it, and nor does L – it’s not really the done thing – but the way Lyn controls her Ipad with her nose is remarkable. As you can see, she uses it for everything from checking facebook to playing Sparkle. She’s even set it up to control the TV. We joke around here is that she should have a contract with Apple, and they should pay her to test their products. We may say this in jest, but you know, that might not be such a bad idea. Anyway, go look.

This is not the blog I was going to write. Today’s entry was supposed to be about anarchism, and how stupid/brilliant it was. I was going to write a description of our trip to the Whitechapel Anarchist bookfair, and my impressions of it. I was looking forward to writing a review of te people I met and the Ideas I encountered. However, it was not to turn out to be thee day I intended: when we got to the train station to go to whitechapel, we descovered that all servicces in that direction were not running. My curiosity about anarchism had to give way to circumstance.

Fortunately, we were at thee o2. Niether lyn nor I wanted to just turn tail and go home, so we decidedb to make a day of it. It’s funny how, when you’re with the person you love, even when things go awry nothing seems that bad – theere was plenty of fun yet to be had. Oddly, I noticed a disproportionate number of little girls in dissney princess outfits in there, no doubt due to the Disney On Ice show in the o2 arena, but according to Lyn, ‘I’m just jealous’. We spent rest of the day browsing the shops in there and walking along the river for a bit. It turned ourt, in the end, to be a great day: we had a superb dinner at a resteraunt, including cocktails, before heading home.

Sometimes the best days are the ones you dont plan.

I’m very pleased to annnounce Lyn has changed her blog. It is now ‘Lyn’s Disability Mac Blog’. She writes ”[My] blog has been reformatted and now is about all things Mac and disability based. As a Mac user with a disability I’ll be looking at the Apple developments and how disabled users can take advantage of the technology.” Apple seem to be putting out some very good Apps right now for people with disabilities. Lyn intends to cover such things. I think it’s well worth a look.

Yesterday evening I made it ten. I was kind of frustrated about missing Generations on sunday thhat I decidsed to go buy a few of the star trek films on DVD. Last night I watched Generations, completing my set of viewings.

To be honest I needed something to take my mind off politics. Ysterday’s budget was a disaster, especially for my felloow disabled people. those on benefits, some of the most vulnerable people in society, will be squeezed the hardest. All ready on Ouch message boards people are already worrying about how they’re going to make ends meet. Mind you, Ouch will now probably be scrapped due to the cuts in the BBC (and if you need anyy more evidence that these cuts are motivated by dogma, look at that!)

The whole thing makes me feel physically sick. these cutts will kill. And, to cap it all, yesterday afteroon the fat cats in the financial sector were all jumping for joy while I was worrying about my benefits. Nothing could piss me off more. the selfishness and narrow-mindedness of the tories and their supporters in the city, who caused this crisis in the first place, appauls me. I know no words that express my contempt and hatred for their actions yesterday; it was no more or less than an act of murder.

This was a double post. it repeated my ‘act of murder’ blog. Instead of you reading it again, I’ll send you here

I’m not sure what happened here. my blog posted my entry today tthree times. I suppose I should use it as an oppertunity to say something further, buut I can only say how very worried I am. I wish there was some way of removing these assholes from power – I really do. Anyway my coffee is going cold.

Late last night, I was talking about politics to my friend James. He also has cerebral palsy, but we seem to take very different political stances. I was trying to explain my political thinking, and why I think as I do, only I don’t think I was succeeding. Perhaps I should explain it here, in a nutshell.

I believe that we are all equal. Not equal in the sense of we all have the same abilities, but we all havee the same potential and worth. At the point that we are born, any baby can go as far as any other. Yet this is not quite the case: some people have advantages others do not; some people are born into rich families, others poor ones; some are girls and some are boys; etc. This makes a difference to one’s potential. It seems a waste to me that a geniious born into a poor family might have his potential unforfilled. I therefore take a left-wing stance: I think the role of the state should be to equalise the chances for everyone, thereby maximizing the potential. If all familes have roughly equal incomes, there would be less waste as everyone would get an equal share of the finite resources we have. After all, why should one child get more than the other, simply due to the circuumstances of his birth?

Having CP, I have just as much value as anyone else, so I feel I should get a more equal share of the resourcees. To become wealthy, you usuallyy need either a swift tounge or steeady hands; I have niether, but that is not my fault. Is it not unfair that I get less money and less of a share of resources simply because I have CP?

My friend was arguing the opposite. Yes, everyone is of equal worth, but society is not and can never be equal. From this it follows that the state should back away, and let the best succeed while others fail. That is just part of human nature. We should not strive for the unachievable task of equuality, but let everyone get on with it. It’s not that he’s totally against state benefits, but I think his point is they’re too liberally awarded. I rather like James, and I think I see where he’s coming from, but something about his logic troubles me.

Star Trek is very cool indeed, but today I have something far more worrying to blog about. According to this article, hate crimes against disabled people are increasing. More and more people are getting beaten and abused, just because they have a dissbility. What makes this even worse is that these crimes are going largely unpunished. Recently, a group of thugs beat a young autistic boy half to death, and got away with iit virtually scott free.

I used to try to disbelieve such things, tellling myself there are other factors invvolved. Thinking oneself part of a hated minority is unhealthy, as it means you see yourself as an outsider, and you get increasingly paranoid. I do not like the idea that people hate ‘us’ for who we are. Yet if the reports are true, disability hate crime is a reality, and is increasing. I find that very worrying indeed: about the reasons for this I can only speculate, but my hunch is that, as the cuts begin to bite, disabled people will be seen as scroungers even more so such crimes will increase.

No longer can this simply be ignored.

Nine out of ten ain’tt bad; I’m quite prouud of myself, in fact. This weekend, I took the oppertunity to watch as many star trek films as I could. As a student off film, and as a Trekker, I felt it my duty. Thanks to FilmFour having a second channel, FilmFour + 1, I was also able to go to the pub for dinner, too, and only miss Generations. Mind you, I regret missing that, as Generations bridges the gap between the originnal six films and the films of the next generation. Alas for my human need for food and fresh air.

I think, however, that what I did this weekend was entirely necessary, as it allowed me to see the ten films as one body of work. Fortunately Iknow generations well enough to ‘fill in the gaps’. Rather than ten separate movies, there are links between them, not only in terms of plot – ie the plot of one leads into the other, such as The Search for Spok leading directly on from The Wrath of Kahn – but thematic links. For example, the symbol of the Whale reoccurs three or four times, not only in and of itself, as in the voyage home, but as a symbol. Kahn quotes Moby-dick extensively, as does Picard. Thus the theme of vengence figures highly: Kahh’s vengence on Kirk, Kirk’s will to avenge his son’s death on the Klingons, Picard’s lust for vengence with the Borg, the Baku’s need to get back at the Son’a, and Shinzon’s lust for vengence on picard and/or the romulans. Thus vengence and the folly of it, it could be argued, is one of the core themes of the series.

Moreover, there are also common reference points that run throughout the films: Romulan ale and it’s supposed illegality and toxicity frequently crops up, as do the subjects of time and age. There is thus a case to be made that these films should be viewed as a series, but not in relation to the Star Trek TV series. They stand apart from television, as principally filmic texts. They are highly cinematic, after all.

They deserve proper filmic analysis. In my research, I focus on the eigth film, First Contact, but perhaps more work needs to be done in examining these ten texts in relation to eachother. This is only a summery, written for my blog, but now I want to do a much dseeper analyysis. My mind is abuzz with questions; I’ve fallen in love with these films all over again, although The Journey home, which I used to love, now strikes me as preachy. Nevertheless, I gained an affinity for Kirk, and now see his death in Generations was meaningless, if poignant: Perhaps now that the eleventh film has reset things, shatner can step back into the role once more and redress that. The possibilities in the star trek universe are endless.

Spending all those hours on the sofa was well worth it. It was like rediscovering something. Most of all, as Kirk said, ‘it was fun’.

Yesterday was probably the geekiest day of my life; it was also one of the coolest. Filmfour are having a Star Trek weekend: they’re showig all ten star trek films (the reboot not having been released on tv yet). The first five aired yesterday, and I watched the lot; from 2pm to 1.25am I was glued to the tv. I know 1, 4 and 5 well, but I’d only seen Wrath of Kahn once or twice, ad I don’t recall ever seing the search for spock. It turned out to be surprisingly good.

The second 5 air today. I dont know whether I’ll do what I did yesterday and plonk myself in front of the tv for 12 hours, or go get some fresh air. I would like to see The Undescovered Country, and I adore First Contact, but I think Lyn would rather like her tv back.

I’m starting to agree with lyn to be hhonest. Yesterday afternoon she started to get irritated at the coverage of the chillian miner rescue. Don’t get me wrong: I still think it’s wonderful that they were all brought out alive, but we live in a media-saaturated world where everything is portrayed cinemataically. Yesterday, we saw the same thing again annd again – the same footage, the same words. Lyn likened it to a soap opera; I guess she’s right. Mind you, this case would be cool to analyse in such terms, given that it ended so happily. Its only a matter of time before the film adaptation comes out!

I cannot be too grumpy today. I’ve just been watching the coverage of the miners being rescued in Chile. At time of writing, eleven have been brought up safe and well to the surface; I can’t help but feel a warm tingle whenever I see another miner arrive at the surface and hug his family.

I’m not so happy with what is going on closer to home. I’ve written before on here about how much I value my time at university: I firmly believe my experiences in higher education brought me out of my shell and made me who I am today. It gave me confidence and firm friendships. Had I not been to uni, I would still be a timid little person living with his parents; I would never have met Steve or charlotte or Ricardio or the rest of them, and I’d have never have met Lyn, as uni gave me the freedom to do so. Thus I am appalled that the government plans to remove the cap on tuition fees. Under labour, anyone who had the ability to desire could go to uni, but now it will be more restricted to your ability to pay. I know of no word which sums up my revulsion at this: it is a move which means a return to education only for the rich. How CaMoron can describe this as ‘fair’ is absolutely disgusting. I can’t help thinking of the many kids who won’t share in the joys I found at university. I’m lucky – not only did I get a degree at uni, but I also got much more in terms of life experiences which, in a way, mean that certificate is worth far more to me than I can possibly put into words. Now, many kids who could have benefited from university as much as I did will be denied that chance due to the Tories’ will to reduce taxes, and I will never forgive them for that.

I just went in to see Lyn in her studio, and found her controlling the mouse of her main Mac computer with her Ipad. The Ipad was blank; Lyn was moving her nose across it and the arrow on her mac was moving. There were no wires involved. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, and thus needed recording!

My friend Ryan sent me a link to a short film he made earlier. It is an interesting little piece about procrastination, so it struck something of a chord with me. To be honest my one criticism would be his choice of colour and lens – to use monochrome seems so passe these days, but I like both his style and sentiment. Anyway, go take a look. I’m still wondering about a follow-up to spastic ballet and Crash-head, so, now I know I know another film-maker, maybe we could collaborate with Ryan in the future.

Carrying on with my musical theme, something rather cool happened this morning. I was just watching the rugby sevens tournament at the commonwealth games, and I heard Hello by The Cat Empire being played in the stadium. This is only noteworthy because of the fact that it was the first time I heard anything by the Cat Empire being played on British TV. They are still one of my favourite groups, but very few people seem to have heard of them in England.

Of course, this has nothing to do with anything I usually blog about. It’s hardly blogworthy really. But the truth is I don’t think I’ll do any more ranting for a while; I think I went slightly too far writing that letter to CaMoron last week. I didn’t get a reply, of course, but it occurred to me that my name may now be on some kind of government list. It’s not that much of an outlandish thought these days, with everybody talking about terrorism and heightened states of emergency. I therefore think I’ll tone it down, and stop ranting for a while. Besides, there’s plenty to blog about living in London. I stand by everything I wrote in that letter, and still think CaMoron should not be Prime Minister, but now I’ve made my protest it’s time to move on.

I realised earlier that I do not say much about Lyn on my blog. Of course, I often mention that I love her, but not how much. I know it has no connection with things I’ve recently blogged about, but the truth is, Lyn has revolutionised my life: I used to fear I would forever be alone, but now I know how irrational that fear was. Yesterday, we were playing music, and my turn came to put on a song. I chose this – it suddenly popped into my head.. It sums up my love for Lyn very well. The truth is, I could never put into words how much I adore Lyn, but this song, sentimental though it is, came to mind when I thought about it.

Things have been getting rather heated in my online life recently. Offline, of course., things are still rather peachy – I’ve started volunteering at school again, our new Pas are superb, and apart for one or two minor things we need to sort, life in Charlton is great. However, I’ve been getting some flack for what I wrote two days aago: some say posting my letter to CaMoron on here too was self-gratification, and served no purpose; others say it was undemocratic; another guy called it ‘drival’. While they are entitled to their opinions, I stand by my writing. Of course the prime minister won’t see that letter, or at any rate he won’t reply, but that was not my point. I write here to register my opinion – to make it known. The purpose of my writing that letter was twofold. The wonderful thing about the internet is that it is a place where everyone can have a say, and air their views. If people want to stroke their egos, let them stroke them. For many years I struggled to communicate, but now I can communicate to the world that is exactly what I intend to do.

Sir, I write to demand your resignation. You will stand down as Prime Minister and call a general election immediately. It is abundantly clear to anyone who looks at the situation objectively that you are intellectually unfit to run this country, much less help it recover from recession. Your programme of cuts is wholly ideologically inspired: instead of allowing the economy to grow and solving our problems that way, you plan to make us all suffer just so you can reduce tax for your wealthy Tory friends. Thus the idea that these cuts are vital is a lie – a lie for which I demand an apology. I also demand you apologise for trying to blame the previous government for cuts you choose to impose; without the action taken by Mr. Brown, we would now be in an economic depression. You also owe Mr. Brown an apology for attempting to blame the economic crisis on him. The fact is, this crisis began in the banking sector, but you will never admit this as it is where most of your backers ‘earned’ their fortunes.

Moreover, your views on things such as crime are outdated: you cannot seem to understand that people do not choose consciously to be bad, but are influenced by environment. Bad and good do not exist in an objective sense. Thus your mindset is outdated, which is another reason why you and your party should remove yourselves from office immediately.

I am sickened by your entire worldview, your selfishness, your arrogance and your lies. You do not deserve to be in power, and it is only through an act of treachery on behalf of Nick Clegg that you are. Thus I find the fact that you awarded yourself five years in power an act of extreme arrogance; you did not have the backing of a majority of citizens, and thus no right to do this. Nor do you have a mandate to impose your ideologically-inspired cuts on us all.

You do not care about people with low incomes or who receive benefits, only those who already have the ability to look after their selves, and I find your assurance that you do a sickening lie. The idea of ‘compassionate conservatism’ is a laughable, insidious oxymoron. As a person with a disability, I fear for my future well being and the well being of my fellow disabled people: you will cut our benefits in order to serve your own purposes. Your stance on inclusive education dooms many disabled young people to a second rate education.

Thus I repeat my demand for you to stand down as prime minister and call an election; I will not allow you to continue calling yourself leader of the UK. Not only will I be sending this letter to you, but also posting it on my website and showing it to anyone who will pay heed. Your government, sir, cannot be allowed to stand.

Yesterday afternoon I started to muse over quite an interesting question: is it possible to be part of the Disabled community and be a Tory? At first glance, the answer is an obvious yes – you can hold any views you want and still be disabled. But can you hold conservative views and still see yourself as a member of the disability subculture, or still be welcome in it? For m at least, the answer to this is less clear cut.

I think it’s fair to say that most crips are galvanised against Tory cuts. Many in The direct action network have pointed out that their cuts will kill, and DAN members are protesting at the Tory party conference as I write. But the disability community is not Dan, and Dan is, after all, just a loose organisation of like-minded individuals. There does not appear to be a leadership per se, and thus no central ideology. It’s thus hard to define what the disabled community is and what it stands for, so from this perspective the answer to my question is an equally obvious yes.

Yet at the same time I do not think it’s that straightforward. Yes, disabled people are a diverse group of people, and have no universal ideas; as I wrote here, we are an ‘us’ without a ‘them’. But to a large extent that ‘us’ is a self-selecting group of indeviduals which seems to be united along certain lines: a good wealth fare state, inclusive education, and the social model of disability – all of which the Tories seem to be against. What if, say, some guy with CP was idiotic enough to start believing Tory lies and started spouting Tory rhetoric? Would he have a right to see himself as one of us? Or would he, in effect, have ostracised himself from the disabled community?

I’m not sure of the answer, but from certain perspectives I think I must answer ”Yes’. At the moment, the government is poised to make drastic cuts – cuts which any fool can see are ideologically inspired but which will kill. They will also undo the progress towards inclusion labour made, and Tories are more likely to view disability in medical terms rather than as a social construction. In other words, Tory ideology seems diametrically opposed to the beliefs held by most politically active disabled people, and it is these Political crips who that ‘us’ is more or less composed ofTo a certain extent, to many crip activists the Tories have become the opposing force – the ‘them’ – which I stated didn’t exist in my ‘Us and Them’ entry. In this light, although it makes me a bit uneasy, I do not see how any disabled Tory can have the right to invoke an ‘us’.

I do not like the idea of a community to which I feel I belong casting out anyone upon any grounds, and I certainly don’t like the idea of the disability community having anything as formal as a sanctioned ideology; but I do feel that we must, of necessity, close our metaphysical ranks and defend ourselves against an obviously oppressive force. This may smack of childish ‘clubbism’, and I may be raising divisions where I have no right to, but the fact is this is how the situation may be. Ultimately, though, this is a symptom of the divisions these tory cuts will cause, and I’m only describing a phenomenon which may only be happening from a certain point of view.

I like Skype very much. Last night, for the first time in the best part of a year, I spoke to my entire family at once. It felt wonderful. It turns out that Luke had recently gone to see the Merry Wives of Windsor too, quite coincidentally. Rather interestingly, mark has got into Hemingway – I never had him down for a Papa fan, but he likes the unembellished prose. He is reading a Movable Feast, and it seems, rather coolly, that Hemingway once lived quite near where mark and Kat were living in Paris about two years ago. I find that very cool indeed. When we were there, charlotte and I had dinner one night with Mark and Kat, as well as my uncle and aunt; could it be that we were in a restaurant one of the greatest writers of the twentieth century once frequented? It’s possible, but I digress.

Skype, then, is great. It allowed us all to see each other, and to talk together, a bit like we used to around the dinner table. We decided that we must all get together soon. for one, I want to talk Shakespeare and Hemingway with my brothers. We may now be dotted all over the place, but with things like Skype, family and friends are never that far away.

I just wrote the following to the andrew marr show. It’s probably futile, but I sent it anyway:

”I note, sir, that you have David cameron on tomorrow morning’s show. May I please make you aware of the following: Mr. Camoron has niether my allegence or respect; in my opinion he was not democratically elected, and therefore has no right to call himself prime minister.. His proposed cuts are utterly unnecessary, and will lead many people to desperation if not suicide.

I am a person wit a disability; I intend to marry a woman who also has a disability next summer. We both collect disability living allowance. Yet I fear Mr. Cameron’s cuts will make life hard for us both, if not untennable. Thus I call on cameron to stand aside and call another election. I will not allow him to ruin our lives and others for the sake of ccnservative ideology. It seems that he is letting us all starve to serve the interests of high business. I cannot sit by and let him do this.

No doubt you will ignore this message – you probably get them from nutters all the time. But the fact is I’m scared of what this coalition government will do, and what it means for my fiancee and myself.”

My brothers are home this weekend; or, rather, they’re at my parent’s house. It’s funny how I still think of that place as home, but I guess it’s natural – after all, I was born there, and grew up there. I’m still in south London, at home with Lyn, but I must admit a large part of me wishes I could join mark and Luke with my family. It’s been getting on for eight months since I left home. Don’t get me wrong: I’m still very happy living with Lyn, but part of me says I should be up there with my family. We don’t see each other very often at all these days. But, alas, it has been quite a hectic week, so I was unable to arrange going to join them myself. I’ll just say I hope they have a great time, that I’m thinking of them, and that I hope to see them all soon.