I must say that I agree totally and wholeheartedly with this Guardian article: I’m spazticus has to be one of the funniest things on tv at the moment, and my full respect must go to channel four for airing it. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a disabled man…at least, I don’t think I am. I find myself wondering if I’m being objective, whether I unconsciously feel obliged to laugh given that it my own subculture which is at last on tv. I don’t think so: any way you look at it, there were moments of utter genius on last night’s programme. It laughs with us not at us. I especially liked the ‘money for a disabled person’ sketch, although I must say that I find the actor in it, simon Stevens, a bad choice for this programme. Stevens is something of an outsider in the disabled community; his views are seen by many as discriminatory and damaging. He has written (here for example) that he thinks that the disability movement has been hijacked by those he calls ‘fake disabled people’, those he sees as having less profound impairments. Thus I have real reservations about him being on this show, but that is just a minor qualm about an otherwise great programme. I’m spazticus smashes the taboo: it is at last okay to laugh at cripples.

I appear to have alas failed in my effort to post an entry a day for an entire year. Believe it or not, part of me feels rather upset about that – I was going to so much effort to keep it up. It was, however, for a good reason: sally invited me over to their place for a meeting about the project me,, Luke and she are doing after which we went to the pub. Their place is quite a distance, but straightforward enough to get to. I had thought I’d be back by the evening, but sally and luke are fast becoming good friends, so a bit of socialisation was in order after we had dealt with the business side of things. It turned out to be an incredible night – rather than come home, they let me stay the night at theirs. Awesomely, it was also the night that Luke, a comunication-aid user, ordered a round independently for the first time. Sally, Lukes mum, says I have inspired him to do more things on his own. How cool is that.

Thus this morning I woke up in a bed I didn’t recognise,, wondering why I couldn’t feel Lyn beside me. I decided to get back here quite promptly, but no doubt I’ll be going back to sally and lukes again soon. We have a project to work on which, while still embryonic, has a very good chance of becoming huge. I am very excited about both it and my new friends. If that means I don’t post an entry every day, then it seems worth it to me.

I realise my last few entries have been fairly short and sweet, and lacking in analysis (inasamuch as I ever really analyse anything on here). The thing is there doesn’t seem to be much going on that I feel compelled to write about in depth. Of course, my views on politics haven’t changed: I’m still as angry at the tories and their ideological cuts as I ever was. Yet I fear there are only so many rants I can post before it gets boring. Of course, that situation isn’t helped either by the act that it is summer and there is not much going on politically in general. Nor can I write much about events here in charlton: Lyn and are busy working on various projects. As I noted, Lyn just finished a great track and now intends to create a video for it; I have just begun an awesome new project which, while I don’t want to go into detail about it on here yet, I’m very excited about. Also it would now seem that my masters is ready for submission. All in all, then, these are exciting times: the problem is that I can’t seem to convey any of that excitement onto my blog, for the moment at least.

And I promise to post a proper rant on here as soon as I find something to get sufficiently agitated about.

My older brother, Mark, is 32 today. Happy birthday bro! For one reason or another, we rarely keep in contact – I know he’s in paris, but because we both lead such busy, hectic lives, I don’t talk to him very often. I still think of him, of course, wondering what he and Kat are up to. If only he had a blog too, allowing people to keep tabs on him as mine does with me. Nevertheless, if you’re reading this bro, have a great day, and I’ll see you soon.

Lyn finished her latest track, Touched, this week. It really is a brilliant piece; I’m so lucky to have such a talented fiancee. I especially like the skattish passages. It can be listened to and downloaded here

I just noticed that, sometime yesterday or during the night, my website passed the million hit mark. I think that is quite incredible. I just keep my website up for fun: I’m not big headed enough to think that it is read by many people other than my friends and family; and I realise that reaching a million hits after over ten years of blogging is relatively quite slow. Yet to me this is a monumental landmark, something to be proud of and even to celebrate. To think that people do indeed want to read what I write is flattering, and makes me want to keep it up.

Something big has happened, and by big I mean truly monumental. I can’t say much about it, other than to state that, as a result of what I wrote here two days ago, an exciting new opportunity has presented itself. All being well, I’m about to become rather busy.

A coupe of days ago after the cricket match was drawn and England had retained the ashes, I decided to gloat to my Australian friend Darryl: I simply posted a link to Gene Kelly’s famed rendition of ”Singin in the Rain” on Youtube. However Darry just posted his reply, and it is absolutely glorious! I wonder how he made it so quickly, and I’m flattered that D wen to so much trouble. It isn’t a million miles from what I was going on about yesterday, or he fusions of fiction and reality I find so interesting. Anyway, it certainly demands a re-reply on my part; now to start thinking up cunning ideas of what I can do in response.

I’m probably just trying to reinvent the wheel, due to my own ignorance of the area. I was wondering recently whether a filmic equivalent of the paraorchestra exits – a place for disabled film-makers to show off their talent, just as the paraorchestra did with music. If not, could one be created? The world of disability is becoming increasingly relevant, especially after last year: a para-film group might be just what is needed. Of course, even the briefest of searches would show you how vast the area of disability film now is. Today I came across this Australian disability film competition (check out some of the entries – there is some impressive work on that site). Yet I found competitions and festivals, but no dedicated disability film companies.

Of course you could ask why one is needed. Why pigeon-hole onesself when we should be aiming for the mainstream? Such questions could just as validly be levelled at any disability-based organisation: we have a vibrant culture worthy of celebration. We crips have stories to tell, and many are already telling them; but what I think we need is some sort of organisation to facilitate that telling.

What that organisation will look like I do not know. All I know is I want to make film. There is clearly ample disabled film-making talent Out there: perhaps what we need to do is collect it together in one official, structured body, raise funds and show the world what ‘we’ can do.

It would be wrong of me to suddenly profess to being a Dr. Who fan. To be honest the franchise has never inspired me in the way that star trek, Tolkien, 007 etc do. Yet that is not to day I’m not interested in it. As you probably know last night saw the unveiling of a new doctor:An average of 6.2 million viewers apparently tuned in to BBC One last night to see Peter Capaldi unveiled as the 12th Doctor. I didn’t watch it but caught up with it on Iplayer this morning. I’m sort of interested in such cultural phenomena; I wanted to see how it was presented, how it was sold. It occurs to me that the doctor has a lot in common with Bond: while one is cinematic and the other televisual, both franchises are around fifty years old, and both have had numerous actors embody the role. Thus it could be said that they occupy similar cultural niches. In fact, I daresay that the doctor could have been used as an alternative to bond in the sketch where 007 escorts the queen to the olympics, although Bond is more well known internationally, making him the obvious choice. Only the doctor has that status, though, and that interests me.

This opens up the possibilities for the franchise, though. Given that the announcement of a new doctor was such a big event (reminiscent in fact of the unveiling of a new Bond) could the doctor now be used in a similar way? He is one of those dramatis personae known to all, loved universally: if bond can take the queen to the olympics, could the doctor be used in a similar way? granted, the two franchises differ – while both are british icons, dr. who is made by the beeb and bond by eon; they have different audiences; the doctor is slightly more kitsch, and for want of a better word geeky. Both franchises seem in a way to have different type of universality, so to speak, probably due to their differing formats.

Thus, to me, the Bond character is suited more to be used on the worldwide stage, but dr. who could still be used as part of the same sort of cultural device. That’s why that sketch was important: if fiction and reality can merge on such an epic scale, the door is open to any other possibility. You could call it the ultimate victory of postmodernity, demonstrating that no cultural icon is too sacred to be played with. At the same time, as I wrote here, you have to be careful: you can’t just throw any two cultural phenomena together or everything will become farcical and the profundity of the concept will vanish. For example, if President Obama was now to be shown having a beer with Homer simpson, even if it was inspired by ‘Happy and Glorious’ it would in a way take away the impact and novelty of the original, because homer is a comic character. This is a paradox I’ve been musing over quite a lot recently. It sets an important precedent by presenting the queen in a way we never predicted. It rereads her position in our culture, but as soon as it is followed, as soon as somebody does something similar, the journey is complete and the queen’s position as just another part of popular culture is confirmed. The irony being that the reason why everyone gasped at the olympic sketch was that the queen was supposed to be above such things: if this type of thing becomes normal, nobody would gasp. The goal of this short film was arguably to shock people by admitting the fictional reality of monarchy, yet as soon as people realise that truth, the shock value evaporates. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that it is nice to cling on to some fictions, lest everything becomes dull. At the same time such textual play is welcome in that it questions old stagnant norms. What boyle did was brave, but at the same time he merely admitted a truth we all knew deep down, and where’s the bravery in that?

We can therefore see the complexities of such things. You can probably tell that this fascinates me; it still has me in two minds – I would love to see others do similar things but fear that if they do the original would become less special. Nevertheless, if Dr. Who is a similar cultural phenomenon to 007, he too can be used as bond was, albeit perhaps in a different kind of event perhaps national rather than international. I wonder what he could do. If we do now live in a world where fiction and reality can merge, and aspects of fannish textual play are seeping in to the mainstream, his franchise seems ideally placed to follow the example of bonds. While, as I say, part of me worries that such stunts would lose their impact if they become frequent, the dr. who franchise now begs to follow bond into reality. After all, he is an immortal time-lord able to avoid death by regeneration. I just think it would be cool if the bbc took the next step and made the doctor real, as they did with bond. It seems to me that such stunts are places where the gap between fiction and reality blurs, allowing us for a moment to revert to the simple joy of childhood dreaming, and banishing the daunting solidities of adulthood.

Speaking as I did yesterday of cricket, while I know this is rather negative, but tonight my hopes for the test match can be summed up by sending you here. Mind you, the match could still be saved, but I suppose we’ll see tomorrow.

Once again I don’t have much to report on here tonight, and yet it has been a glorious day. I just spent a wonderful afternoon in charlton park, watching the cricket. Although the team I was supporting, Blackheath, lost quite badly, I have become quite well known to it’s members, so to me it was more of a social event than a sporting one.Thus my afternoon was spent out in the sun, chatting to the players, and later commiserating them. It was chilled out and relaxed; one guy, a fellow known, rather oddly, as tesco, even came back here with me to have a beer in our back garden. There we chatted a while, drinking and forging friendships, lyn joining us. Thus it has been a wonderful afternoon. If you ask me, loosing or not, life doesn’t get much better.

Oh that glorious M 25!

Inside, how they strive;

Yet outside lie the fields,

Which the tarmac ribbon shields

A barrier to the chaos and the sin

As if the sheep wonder what lies within.

So behold the great M twenty-five, Boundary of the mighty human hive.

I know I promised to shut up about olympic matters, but earlier I got wind that, due to Russia’s new anti-gay laws, gay competitors will now be prevented from going to the winter Olympics in Sochi next year. As reported here, the new laws are blatantly discriminatory against gay people. While I do not define myself as gay in a strict sense, I have huge sympathies with the gay community. I also regard an attack on one minority an attack on us all. Indeed this is akin to the russian authorities banning disabled or black people from competing, and thus flies in the face of the spirit of inclusion exhibited so joyously by London 2012 an the olympics in general. I’m incensed by this news, and although time is now very short indeed, would like to see these games re-awarded to someone else. Why should the IOC and the rest of us tolerate such bigotry?

Before now I had dismissed Woody Allen as a neurotic, somewhat irritating, New Yorker. Yet, in an act of sheer arrogance and folly, I never actually sat down to watch any of his work – I thought I didn’t ‘get’ it. However, I just watched last weeks bbc documentary* on him, and have to admit I’m now quite angry at my own stupidity. Granted, there is still the risk that he could be overrated and liked because everyone else likes him, but from what I just saw, there is far more to Allen than I thought. He is a prodigious auteur with a vast body of work. Of course I won’t write anything in detail about him now, but just say that I have something new to engage with. Time for me to dig out ‘Midnight in Paris’, then go buy more stuff by and about him. My appetite has been whetted, and once again I feel the mercury of my curiosity rising.

*Part one can be seen here; part two here.

Right. Time for me to stop naval gazing about things which, although interesting, don’t really effect our day to day lives. I just heard that ten disabled families have lost a court challenge to social housing benefit cuts for residents with spare bedrooms in England, Wales and Scotland. That means that disabled people will be charged for any spare rooms the may have, even though they need the space. For example, Lyn and I live in a bungalow with two bedrooms, the second of which I use as an office-cum-storeroom-cum-dressing room. we both use lot of equipment, like wheelchairs, hoists and computers. Thus we couldn’t live without the extra space. We also need our Personal assistant to stay over sometimes too. if the bedroom tax is enforced, we will either have to pay extra or move.

I’m now extremely concerned and angry, as will be, no doubt, thousands of people with disabilities up and down the country. It is quite clear that ‘we’ are being unfairly discriminated against, and that some of the most vulnerable people in society are now being made to pay the most. How is that fair. After all, we cannot help needing the extra space; it comes with the dribble. Yet it seems we will now have to pay extra, as will many more in much tougher positions than our own.

What pisses me off, though, is that this tory-lead government does not care: it is taxing the poorest people in society while lowering tax for the richest, and calling it ‘fair’. They claim they want to break people of wealth fare dependency, and encourage self-reliance. To them, everyone should fend for their selves and tax should be low. But I think that is an excuse for greed, selfishness, and all that is base about humanity. I’d love a job, but those on the right refuse to see that things are not that simple. Not everyone is able, and so those who are should help those who aren’t. Thus I see no evidence of compassion in conservatism, just elitism and a contempt for anyone who is not wealthy. To them, we crips are useless eaters who should find jobs or be left to starve. Either that or we should rely on charity rather than the state: fed by kind voluntary donation rather than a benefit system. They lie to theirselves by saying that, in a low tax system , people give more to charity, soothing their consciouses and justifying their selfishness.

I don’t want to be a lesser being, and nor do I want to be a victim of Tory greed expected to feel greatful for a rich man’s charitable whim. For all their talk of ‘seeing things in the round’, for all their dissembling justification, this tax amounts to the blatant discrimination against and ostracisation of disabled people. How can we allow such bigots to remain in government?

I went to the barbers today, my least favourite activity. I hope everyone likes my new summer hair style; at least I won’t have to go again for a while…

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I just rewatched the first half hour of last year’s opening ceremony, given that it was repeated last night on bbc3. I still seem to be obsessed with it, sad git that I am; it just seems so special to me, as we all know that such a moment will probably never come again, in our lifetime at least. As the commentator noted at one point, these ceremonies will live on in our collective folk memory for a generation.

They are special because they are unique. It seems to me that what happened last year can never be repeated or replicated, for the moment you do so, something is lost. Take, for example, my favourite bit – the meeting of bond and the queen. I have written before that it would be cool to see more such juxtapositions. However, if you think about it, that film is only special because it is unique: only the 007 character occupies that cultural position, the same combination. The bond franchise is unique in world cinema – fifty years old, it crosses generations, yet evokes a specific nation. Only the bond character could be used in such a way because the bond franchise is like no other. This sequence is testimony to it’s uniqueness, confirming it cultural position. The second any other character is used in such a way, the dynamic changes – Bond becomes just another action hero, rendering the sequence with the queen ‘normal’, banal. I don’t want that to happen – I want this sequence to remain unique, fascinating and important. I suppose that was the danger in making it in the first place, as if others take up the meme, it becomes a joke and the original is stripped of it’s boldness. Mind you, if as I say the 007 franchise is indeed unique in world culture, that probably won’t happen – it takes a very special set of circumstances (an event like the olympics, a well-loved long-reigned monarch and an extremely well established film franchise known to all yet part of the cultural identity of a nation) to allow one to perform such a stunt. Should that happen, however, something special about last year’s opening ceremony, british culture, the queen and James Bond would be lost. The paradox, however, is that this sequence almost begs to be copied, in a way saying ”if we Brits can use our cultural iconography in this way, what can others do?”, while in a way knowing that, should that happen it would render that very iconography a joke. I see it as a brave admission to the fact that the monarchy is just as much a cultural construct as anything else; if that is so, this scene looses its boldness and is rendered onto the same level as any other piece of media. And yet the meeting of bond and the queen will live on as a unique, special moment in our cultural memory for decades. It is anything but normal. Thus at the same time as it rereads the monarchy it also maintains it’s status as something unique and special. Ultimately though, the meeting of Bond and the queen will always remain unique and iconic, as surely no other country has a similar combination of monarch and cultural megalith.

I still feel a warm glow, then, when I think about what happened a year ago today. In a way these ceremonies also strike me personally. Not only did they have my favourite filmic character securing his position in british and world culture, but my favourite wizard, physicist and song. I love how they celebrate things like british children’s literature, and the NHS in a bold, somewhat left-field statement to the world. Best of all, my wonderful fiancee starred at the very climax of the final ceremony! I still think that is something very special indeed, and want it to remain special. Yet when I enthuse about it to Lyn, when I mention how wonderful it was to see her and the Paraorchestra perform that night, she tells me off, pointing out that, while what happened last year was unique, for me to constantly go to about it is to forget that even greater things are yet to come. Lyn is right: last year was last year; as great and as unique as it was, what matters is the future. To dwell upon past glories is to stop moving forward. When Lyn pointed that out to me, I felt both ashamed and excited: ashamed that I had thought things had somehow peaked, and excited to realise that we are still climbing.

And indeed we are! We will never see a summer like last year again; we will never feel the same excitement we felt at the ringing of that bell. I don’t want to – I want 2012 to remain unique, lest it becomes ‘normal’. But in no way does that mean the greatest things are over: even greater things will come, necessarily different, building on but not repeating the glories of a year ago.

I daresay Lyn’s productivity puts me to shame: if she isn’t creating music she’s writing or doing something else constructive. My main output these days is this blog, although I do have one or two ideas for films I’m working on. Anyway, I just wanted to flag this up tonight – L’s blog entry about the new music software she is using with her instrument. I think you can glimpse a bit of it in the photo she includes.

I think I touched upon this subject a while ago, but I think it’s worth returning to. I noticed recently that what could be called ‘crossover films’ are becoming increasingly common. A crossover is where a character from one fiction is made to enter into another, such as having Harry Potter go to Middle Earth. They are a staple of fanfiction: many fans like to draw together their favourite characters from their favourite fictions. Until quite recently, though, such crossovers have been unheard of in the so-called mainstream. Obviously, this was probably due in large part to copyright, yet I also suspect there was a sense that fictions had to be kept separate to maintain their artistic integrity, and that merging fictions was somehow puerile or childish.

This has obviously now changed. A couple of days ago it was announced that Batman will soon appear in a film with Spiderman, and that The Simpsons will soon meet the Griffins. Thus the mainstream seems to be taking on aspects of fandom. I find that quite interesting: my masters is about the merging of fandom with cinephilia, but it also now appears that fan culture is seeping into the mainstream too. As I wrote here, textual play is becoming mainstream: old barriers between texts are being broken down. What was once the province of the fan is becoming legitimate. I’d be interested to see the pretexts given for such mergings, and how it works narratively.

What, then, do all these textual merging mean? What are their artistic implications? Truth be told I do not really know. As with my musings concerning the meeting of bond and the queen a year ago today, I have an overall sense that this new phenomenon is somehow important; yet I cannot put my finger on how. That I must say worries me – is my brain losing the acuity it once had? Am I harping on about things nobody else is interested in? Are these crossover films really exciting new evidence that mainstream film is branching out into postmodernity, or merely a gimmick designed to excite fans and deprive them of their money? Have I been away from campus too long? do I need to read more? Possibly. Yet I am Still intrigued by this new phenomenon, as a scholar of fandom and as a cinephile. I find it interesting to see the mainstream taking on aspects of fandom. What I need to do now is to start looking deeper. It raises questions over where this departure will lead: if mainstream film is indeed now taking cues from fan culture, that implies the birth of a totally new aesthetic for film, one in which the old rules no longer apply.

As I noted here, a new instrument has been designed for Lyn. It arrived today! it is essentially a midi input device made of eight joined pieces of card big enough for L to hit. these can be paired to individual notes or snatches of music which L can pre program. She just got it working, and, although we still need a way to stop it siding over the table, I have a feeling this is the start of something great! More on this amazing device soon.

A couple of days ago I mentioned that I had smashed the screen of my Ipad. Coming down the hill the other night, it slipped from my lap and went under my wheel. Of curse, I was horrified – I was so disgusted with myself for letting it happen, I couldn’t even look at the broken screen. After all, that was the Ipad which Lyn used to perform before the entire world! Thus I thought Lyn would be angry, but in a combination of cheek and wisdom that only m wonderful girlfriend possesses, she had predicted it would happen some time and had planned for it. Lyn knew exactly were to order replacement screen, and did so.

That arrived this morning. We ha looked up videos on how to swap the screen ourselves, but it looked very complicated, so this afternoon I scooted off. According to google, the nearest Ipad repair store to us is in Bermondsey, just a short tube ride away. I’m now used to having a map on my lap, though, so it took me a while to find it. I asked in one computer repair store with no luck, but the staff in the second couldn’t have been more helpful. After I had explained that I needed my Ipad to communicate, their promise to have it fixed by tomorrow became an attempt to fix it in an hour; and indeed when I returned an hour later, there it was, as good as new. I was very impressed, and very thankful. I hereby fully endorse London Laptops Ltd, and will probably be going there again, ‘though hopefully not for a while.

Now I need to find a way of securing the Ipad to my lap or my chair properly.

It being far too hot to write anything more constructive, let me just direct you here tonight, to a view of Earth taken from Jupiter’s rings. In a way, Every human that has ever lived is in this photo; that certainly puts your life in perspective.

Waiting for a royal baby.

Does it matter? Maybe.

So much for just one child

Royal sprogs send the press wild

So we all wait out in the sun

For a princess to drop her bun But I don’t much care about the we’en

For I just scratched my Ipad screen.

It has been another of those lazy sundays. Lyn had a bath, and, having gone out every day this week, I decided a day at home was in order. Yet that decision now seems ironic: while L was doing her ebullitions, I decided to watch A Test of love. I have been intending to watch it ever since I read Annie’s Coming Out, upon which the film is based, at uni. It is a gut-wrenchingly harrowing story of discrimination against a young lady with cerebral palsy, and th woman who fought so hard to free her from her prison. To think that Annie spent fourteen years in an institution, nobody believing she had normal cognitive abilities, turns my stomach and fills me with rage. Yet her story also inspires me: annie never gave up, and cared too about her fellow long stay patients.

I keep thinking ‘that could have been me’; fuck, Lyn grew up somewhere similar. I find that thought chilling. Yet there’s irony in the fact that a bloke with athetoid cp would chose to spend a Sunday afternoon watching such a film: that, while his fiancee – who also has cp – was in the shower, he used an ipad to go onto youtube to access such a film. There is a scene where these children were taken off the ward into the hospital garden for the first time in fourteen years, and there was I, choosing to stay in. Times have changed, but I can’t help thinking that it is only because of people like Annie that Lyn and I can live here, now, in this splendid little house of ours like any other couple. The generation of crips before mine went through hell, but then set themselves free; and in doing so they freed us all. I now feel humble and grateful – even slightly guilty. I don’t think I can explain why I am so taken by this story, but I think I have a new favourite film. Above all, it inspires me to keep fighting.

Stratford is a disappointment. I was just up there: still being somewhat obsessed with the olympics, I was hoping to explore some of the olympic park. I was up there yesterday, too, but given I didn’t stay very long I thought I’d give it a second chance today. Lyn has a new music app to get to grips with, and since it isn’t difficult to get to, I thought I’d whizz up there. What I found, however, was hellish; the place is utter bedlam, full of people who don’t think twice bout walking straight in front of my chair. Of course, the olympic park is connected to a huge shopping mall, so I had expected it would be busy. What I did not expect, however, was that level of utter chaos! On top of that, I didn’t actually get into the park: I hear the parkland around the stadium is quite pretty, but somehow I couldn’t find it, the place was so crowded. Oh well – there are plenty of other places in this vast, maddeningly intriguing metropolis to explore.

I think I better clarify my entry yesterday: I may have been too eager to condemn that which I should have supported. After all, finding ways to get people with disabilities into work must be a good thing, regardless of which political party launches it. I would love a job, and know I’m capable of holding one down, assuming the right support structures are in place. This conference was about creating those support structures – why should I have condemned that? Rather, my objection was more about the tone and context of the conference: it comes in a climate of harsh cuts, most of which are just beginning to bite. Disabled people are among the hardest hit: People out there really are suffering, and all the government can say, apparently, is ‘go get a job’. That is what I objected to, why I felt insulted. Employment is a good idea, but for this government to hold this conference right now was to rub salt into a wound. I wanted to go up there and tell them just that yesterday, but failed somewhat, as you know.

I am writing this on the bus home from Westminster, feeling rather irritated with myself. When I got up this morning, I checked the news as usual. The first thing I saw was that there was a conference about getting disabled people in to work on today at the queen Elizabeth conference centre. Sensing an opportunity to do some direct action, I set off into london shortly after one. I got up there in very good time, but it was then that I made my big mistake. I assumed it was invitation only, so I stayed outside. I was happy enough chatting to the reporters from the beeb, telling them what an insult it was that a government inflicting such harsh cuts on disabled people is now figuratively saying ‘just get a job’. While I do think that people should be encouraged and helped to work, something about this conference just smacked of hypocrisy and patronisation: reducing benefits means it is harder to enter the workplace – thinking it will incentivise work is false logic. The guy said he would use my comments, but unable to get myself on tv, I decided it wax too hot to hang around. I thought I would just have a walk then go home.

I was just going up mill bank.though, when it occurred to me that I could at least try getting in to the conference. I turned back and, predictably, was told I could have gone right in, but that – even more predictably – there was no point as everyone was about to go home. I could have kicked myself! Dejected, I set off home, sad that I had missed an opportunity to meet so many big whigs of the disability world, but happy that I had caught the ear of the bbc reporter. In a way, that is just as good.

I just stumbled over* this news that in Gothenburg, Sweden, bars and restaurants with good disability access are being rewarded with beer instead of a certificate. I love that idea! Apparently, The Gothenburg Cooperative for Independent Living has started to give bars which have good access batches of a specially-brewed beer, called CPA. It is said to be a hybrid of Indian pale ale and American pale ale and has a picture of a woman with cerebral palsy on the front. I might be trying to cut down on my alcohol intake right now, but that is something I have to try.

*pun wholeheartedly intended!

Continuing yesterday’s ‘gay culture’ theme, and not having much time to write anything substantial, let me just direct you to this odd, almost absurd article. It concerns a group of gay neo-nazis. I’d have thought that any such oppressed group would know better, but it just goes to show that sexuality is no barrier to bigotry. A fascinating read, anyway.

I heard on the BBC local news today that london is planning to bid for the 2018 ‘Gay Games ‘, and I ust want to say that the idea struck me as very stupid indeed, yet is on I fully support. For starters the very idea of a gay games is foolish: why would LGBT people need a games just for theirselves? There is no reason why they can’t compete with straight people. We crips need our own games, the Paralympics, because the playing field would not be level. Just imagine a race between runners and wheelchair users, and the carnage that would inevitably cause. The two events must be kept separate for obvious reasons, then, and even then I would favour greater integration between the two. My preferred option would be to get rid of the two week gap between the Olympics and Paralympics and run the two simultaneously, as that gap, however big, implies difference.

Why, then, would gay people need or want their own games? They compete like everyone else, so the segregation is unneccesarry and artificial. Why deliberately create a division? On that level I find the idea repugnant. And yet I love it. How great would it be to revive the spirit of 2012, to host another monumental sporting event in this great city? Let’s face it: we aren’t going to see another Olympic games here in our lifetime. Even if we do bid for the games of 2032, we will be bidding against new York or Paris. They both intend to bid for the 2024 games, and since no city can bid for two games in a row, whoever looses in ’24 will bid in ’32. Given that London has hosted the games three times and so recently, it would be unfair for the IOC to choose London over either of those two. Thus these gay games might be our only chance to host such a party for a very long time.

And party it would be! Take the Olympics and multiply it by mardi gras! We in the LGBT comunity know how to put a show on, and a little pride right now would not go amiss either. The segregation debates aside, along with reservations about the cost, i really think this is a great idea. Indeed, maybe then it will be the other kind of queen which parachutes into the stadium with James Bond.

Yesterday was another awesome day, although I drank a little too much. In the afternoon took a roll to the park, where I caught the cricket match. I introduced myself to the local cricket team last year, and they remembered me. I sat with them, watching the game: it was a great afternoon, despite the fact ‘we’ lost. After the match, they invited me back to their club house, and, after whizzing back to check with Lyn, I went with them. Needless to say, I woke up this morning rather hung over and very tanned, but pleased that I’d made some good friends and looking forward to the next match. Now all I have to do is get Lyn into the game.

Yesterday turned out to be quite a day. A friend of mine had told me about a cool-sounding gay/drag bar up in London I wanted to go investigate, so at about three I took a roll up to charing cross. The place in question, Half Way To Heaven turned out to be very easy to get to, and even after ten minutes in there I had decided I liked it. I now want to take Lyn up there as soon as possible: the atmosphere was just so relaxed, open, friendly and free.

We didn’t stay too long: I wanted to be home before ten, preferably sober. I’ll hopefully be getting acquainted with that place soon. We stayed about an hour before getting some dinner and heading back to the station. However, it was there that something much less cool happened: we had to wait for our train, so we took the opportunity to grab one last beer. We headed into the station bar, and asked for two beers. To our utter astonishment, the barman refused to serve me on the grounds that he didn’t know my medical condition. That has never happened before – I was not drunk, but even after we explained that it was fine, he still point blank refused. To be fair there may have been some kind of misunderstanding, as the guy clearly was not born locally, but I still felt quite patronised and insulted. We caught the train in a foul mood – it had been a great evening, rather spoiled by that small incident. Oh well, at least I have somewhere to take Lyn now.

As you might be able to tell from yesterday’s poem, I have been fretting about my thesis this week. My submission date is fast approaching so I have spent a lot of time tidying it up. Yet, after reassuring words from lyn, dad and my tutor, I feel far happier about it now. Time, then, for a break: time to see a bit of London in the sunshine. I am writing this on a bus – the great thing about iPads is the ability to blog on the move. I do feel sorry for lyn, though: I left her working at home, somewhat stressed over her own deadline. Mind you, again thanks to my IPad we are still in constant contact, and she might appreciate not having me in her hair for the afternoon.

I wake up in despair

But roll over to you lying there. When I think the roads too long You remind me to keep strong.

When I Skype nonsense with dad

You chuckle and things are less bad

When I fret about nothing real

I look at you and suddenly feel

As happy as I should be

Now that I have you to love me.

I just came across this little piece of incredibleness on the One Show. They just had a short segment about a young lady called natasha lambert, who, despite having what appears to be quite profound cerebral palsy, just sailed the english channel solo. Now, I don’t want to sound over romantic or patronising, but…seriously….Holy shit! We often hear al sorts of crap about ho brave we crips are, even for going to the shop, but this young woman is far braver than I’ll ever be; she must surely be an inspiration, absolute proof that all dreams are possible. I really am in awe. What an achievement!

Murder is murder, abhorrent to all sensible people, but like any crime it can and must be forgiven. The moment we start refusing someone’s right to appeal, and insist that life means life, then surely we have lost part of our humanity. Yet earlier saw Chris Grayling do just that: he went on tv to denounce a european human rights ruling that said lifers should have the prospect of release. He was speaking as if certain criminals should just be locked up and left to rot, and that this was a sensible,popular and civilised thing to do. It is the very opposite! It shows a lack of faith in and understanding of humanity; a willingness to subjugate and punish; an arrogance and inhumanity that I find disturbing. How dare the tories refuse a man hope, the opportunity to redeem himself? It is their ‘we know best’ attitude I can’t stand; the way they think they are the arbiters of justice, and that criminals are scum to be locked up at their will. Indeed, it was pointed out that they only allowed the end of capital punishment on the understanding that ‘life meant life’. Is this the kind of arrogant, judgemental snob we want running the country.

All I have to say today is this: rugby – won. Wimbledon – won. Now, how about those Ashes!? I’m not usually a sporty person, but I must say this is fast turning into a great british sporting summer, the second in a row! Surely it is impossible not to get carried away, ever for us cripples.

Go Andy Murray, go!

Last night I found myself remembering the day when I fed myself dinner for the first time. I was eleven or twelve when my parents got me a neater–eater. Before then, of course, I had to be fed my food, but my sudden ability to feed myself made me ecstatic. It was so much fun: my mum and dad were quite amused when, one night shortly after,, they caught me playing with my food.

I thought of that day last night. We were at a charity event in a pub not far from here raising money to get my friend Luke a Neater-eater. I got mine through school, but luke is funding his privately; he also needs the electric version, whereas mine s manual. It was a great night; Lyn was with us for the first part, but then came home, a bit tired. I felt it important that I stayed, having used a neater eater for most of my life and knowing how liberating it was for me. I suppose few people can understand the feeling one gets the first time you scoop a spoonful of ice cream and put it in your mouth – for me it was sublime. Thus I stayed, Luke’s mum sally kindly driving me home about midnight. I had great fun, singing a little karaoke for the first time since uni, talking to people and partying in general; yet I know that feeling will be nothing compared to te one Luke gets the first time he feeds himself, or plays with his food.

Tories in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Just remember who pays for their second homes Labours relationship with the unions is nowt compared with those who hypocritically shout of underhand dealings and illegality: it is the tories who are the ones hiding the stories.

So next time you see a tory cackle about Labour’s affairs

Ask yourself whether the problem is Labour’s, or theirs.