Rages

I’m still having problems with the anger issues I noted here. In fact, they’re probably getting worse. It’s usually about politics: these days, whenever anyone just mentions brexit, ukip or the referendum, I fly into the most almighty rage. I tend to throw things out of all proportion, so that, rather than simply withdrawing from an international association of states, in my mind brexit becomes the deliberate prevention of world peace and the reassertion of hardline nationalism. That isn’t to say that I’m not actually angry about things: I’m genuinely furious about brexit, and fearful for the future. I just go too far in articulating it; things seem to just erupt, unstoppable, visceral and whuite-hot.

Last night it was about the american election: Lyn and Mitch were explaining how Clinton would be worse than trump, and I just couldn’t take it. I felt a flash of anger, started shouting and had to come here, into my office, to calm down. I should have heard them out, debated like an adult, but instead I behaved like a child. It was embarrassing; Lyn has the patience of a saint to put up with me sometimes. But then, I don’t think I can really help it: I’m told this could be connected to my brain damage, and that lots of people with cerebral palsy have similar issues. In which case, I can only thank Lyn and Mitch for their patience – they had a point about Hilary, and I meant no harm.

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