I’m very pleased to annnounce Lyn has changed her blog. It is now ‘Lyn’s Disability Mac Blog’. She writes ”[My] blog has been reformatted and now is about all things Mac and disability based. As a Mac user with a disability I’ll be looking at the Apple developments and how disabled users can take advantage of the technology.” Apple seem to be putting out some very good Apps right now for people with disabilities. Lyn intends to cover such things. I think it’s well worth a look.

Yesterday evening I made it ten. I was kind of frustrated about missing Generations on sunday thhat I decidsed to go buy a few of the star trek films on DVD. Last night I watched Generations, completing my set of viewings.

To be honest I needed something to take my mind off politics. Ysterday’s budget was a disaster, especially for my felloow disabled people. those on benefits, some of the most vulnerable people in society, will be squeezed the hardest. All ready on Ouch message boards people are already worrying about how they’re going to make ends meet. Mind you, Ouch will now probably be scrapped due to the cuts in the BBC (and if you need anyy more evidence that these cuts are motivated by dogma, look at that!)

The whole thing makes me feel physically sick. these cutts will kill. And, to cap it all, yesterday afteroon the fat cats in the financial sector were all jumping for joy while I was worrying about my benefits. Nothing could piss me off more. the selfishness and narrow-mindedness of the tories and their supporters in the city, who caused this crisis in the first place, appauls me. I know no words that express my contempt and hatred for their actions yesterday; it was no more or less than an act of murder.

I’m not sure what happened here. my blog posted my entry today tthree times. I suppose I should use it as an oppertunity to say something further, buut I can only say how very worried I am. I wish there was some way of removing these assholes from power – I really do. Anyway my coffee is going cold.

This was a double post. it repeated my ‘act of murder’ blog. Instead of you reading it again, I’ll send you here

Late last night, I was talking about politics to my friend James. He also has cerebral palsy, but we seem to take very different political stances. I was trying to explain my political thinking, and why I think as I do, only I don’t think I was succeeding. Perhaps I should explain it here, in a nutshell.

I believe that we are all equal. Not equal in the sense of we all have the same abilities, but we all havee the same potential and worth. At the point that we are born, any baby can go as far as any other. Yet this is not quite the case: some people have advantages others do not; some people are born into rich families, others poor ones; some are girls and some are boys; etc. This makes a difference to one’s potential. It seems a waste to me that a geniious born into a poor family might have his potential unforfilled. I therefore take a left-wing stance: I think the role of the state should be to equalise the chances for everyone, thereby maximizing the potential. If all familes have roughly equal incomes, there would be less waste as everyone would get an equal share of the finite resources we have. After all, why should one child get more than the other, simply due to the circuumstances of his birth?

Having CP, I have just as much value as anyone else, so I feel I should get a more equal share of the resourcees. To become wealthy, you usuallyy need either a swift tounge or steeady hands; I have niether, but that is not my fault. Is it not unfair that I get less money and less of a share of resources simply because I have CP?

My friend was arguing the opposite. Yes, everyone is of equal worth, but society is not and can never be equal. From this it follows that the state should back away, and let the best succeed while others fail. That is just part of human nature. We should not strive for the unachievable task of equuality, but let everyone get on with it. It’s not that he’s totally against state benefits, but I think his point is they’re too liberally awarded. I rather like James, and I think I see where he’s coming from, but something about his logic troubles me.

Star Trek is very cool indeed, but today I have something far more worrying to blog about. According to this article, hate crimes against disabled people are increasing. More and more people are getting beaten and abused, just because they have a dissbility. What makes this even worse is that these crimes are going largely unpunished. Recently, a group of thugs beat a young autistic boy half to death, and got away with iit virtually scott free.

I used to try to disbelieve such things, tellling myself there are other factors invvolved. Thinking oneself part of a hated minority is unhealthy, as it means you see yourself as an outsider, and you get increasingly paranoid. I do not like the idea that people hate ‘us’ for who we are. Yet if the reports are true, disability hate crime is a reality, and is increasing. I find that very worrying indeed: about the reasons for this I can only speculate, but my hunch is that, as the cuts begin to bite, disabled people will be seen as scroungers even more so such crimes will increase.

No longer can this simply be ignored.

Nine out of ten ain’tt bad; I’m quite prouud of myself, in fact. This weekend, I took the oppertunity to watch as many star trek films as I could. As a student off film, and as a Trekker, I felt it my duty. Thanks to FilmFour having a second channel, FilmFour + 1, I was also able to go to the pub for dinner, too, and only miss Generations. Mind you, I regret missing that, as Generations bridges the gap between the originnal six films and the films of the next generation. Alas for my human need for food and fresh air.

I think, however, that what I did this weekend was entirely necessary, as it allowed me to see the ten films as one body of work. Fortunately Iknow generations well enough to ‘fill in the gaps’. Rather than ten separate movies, there are links between them, not only in terms of plot – ie the plot of one leads into the other, such as The Search for Spok leading directly on from The Wrath of Kahn – but thematic links. For example, the symbol of the Whale reoccurs three or four times, not only in and of itself, as in the voyage home, but as a symbol. Kahn quotes Moby-dick extensively, as does Picard. Thus the theme of vengence figures highly: Kahh’s vengence on Kirk, Kirk’s will to avenge his son’s death on the Klingons, Picard’s lust for vengence with the Borg, the Baku’s need to get back at the Son’a, and Shinzon’s lust for vengence on picard and/or the romulans. Thus vengence and the folly of it, it could be argued, is one of the core themes of the series.

Moreover, there are also common reference points that run throughout the films: Romulan ale and it’s supposed illegality and toxicity frequently crops up, as do the subjects of time and age. There is thus a case to be made that these films should be viewed as a series, but not in relation to the Star Trek TV series. They stand apart from television, as principally filmic texts. They are highly cinematic, after all.

They deserve proper filmic analysis. In my research, I focus on the eigth film, First Contact, but perhaps more work needs to be done in examining these ten texts in relation to eachother. This is only a summery, written for my blog, but now I want to do a much dseeper analyysis. My mind is abuzz with questions; I’ve fallen in love with these films all over again, although The Journey home, which I used to love, now strikes me as preachy. Nevertheless, I gained an affinity for Kirk, and now see his death in Generations was meaningless, if poignant: Perhaps now that the eleventh film has reset things, shatner can step back into the role once more and redress that. The possibilities in the star trek universe are endless.

Spending all those hours on the sofa was well worth it. It was like rediscovering something. Most of all, as Kirk said, ‘it was fun’.

Yesterday was probably the geekiest day of my life; it was also one of the coolest. Filmfour are having a Star Trek weekend: they’re showig all ten star trek films (the reboot not having been released on tv yet). The first five aired yesterday, and I watched the lot; from 2pm to 1.25am I was glued to the tv. I know 1, 4 and 5 well, but I’d only seen Wrath of Kahn once or twice, ad I don’t recall ever seing the search for spock. It turned out to be surprisingly good.

The second 5 air today. I dont know whether I’ll do what I did yesterday and plonk myself in front of the tv for 12 hours, or go get some fresh air. I would like to see The Undescovered Country, and I adore First Contact, but I think Lyn would rather like her tv back.

I’m starting to agree with lyn to be hhonest. Yesterday afternoon she started to get irritated at the coverage of the chillian miner rescue. Don’t get me wrong: I still think it’s wonderful that they were all brought out alive, but we live in a media-saaturated world where everything is portrayed cinemataically. Yesterday, we saw the same thing again annd again – the same footage, the same words. Lyn likened it to a soap opera; I guess she’s right. Mind you, this case would be cool to analyse in such terms, given that it ended so happily. Its only a matter of time before the film adaptation comes out!

I cannot be too grumpy today. I’ve just been watching the coverage of the miners being rescued in Chile. At time of writing, eleven have been brought up safe and well to the surface; I can’t help but feel a warm tingle whenever I see another miner arrive at the surface and hug his family.

I’m not so happy with what is going on closer to home. I’ve written before on here about how much I value my time at university: I firmly believe my experiences in higher education brought me out of my shell and made me who I am today. It gave me confidence and firm friendships. Had I not been to uni, I would still be a timid little person living with his parents; I would never have met Steve or charlotte or Ricardio or the rest of them, and I’d have never have met Lyn, as uni gave me the freedom to do so. Thus I am appalled that the government plans to remove the cap on tuition fees. Under labour, anyone who had the ability to desire could go to uni, but now it will be more restricted to your ability to pay. I know of no word which sums up my revulsion at this: it is a move which means a return to education only for the rich. How CaMoron can describe this as ‘fair’ is absolutely disgusting. I can’t help thinking of the many kids who won’t share in the joys I found at university. I’m lucky – not only did I get a degree at uni, but I also got much more in terms of life experiences which, in a way, mean that certificate is worth far more to me than I can possibly put into words. Now, many kids who could have benefited from university as much as I did will be denied that chance due to the Tories’ will to reduce taxes, and I will never forgive them for that.

I just went in to see Lyn in her studio, and found her controlling the mouse of her main Mac computer with her Ipad. The Ipad was blank; Lyn was moving her nose across it and the arrow on her mac was moving. There were no wires involved. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, and thus needed recording!

My friend Ryan sent me a link to a short film he made earlier. It is an interesting little piece about procrastination, so it struck something of a chord with me. To be honest my one criticism would be his choice of colour and lens – to use monochrome seems so passe these days, but I like both his style and sentiment. Anyway, go take a look. I’m still wondering about a follow-up to spastic ballet and Crash-head, so, now I know I know another film-maker, maybe we could collaborate with Ryan in the future.

Carrying on with my musical theme, something rather cool happened this morning. I was just watching the rugby sevens tournament at the commonwealth games, and I heard Hello by The Cat Empire being played in the stadium. This is only noteworthy because of the fact that it was the first time I heard anything by the Cat Empire being played on British TV. They are still one of my favourite groups, but very few people seem to have heard of them in England.

Of course, this has nothing to do with anything I usually blog about. It’s hardly blogworthy really. But the truth is I don’t think I’ll do any more ranting for a while; I think I went slightly too far writing that letter to CaMoron last week. I didn’t get a reply, of course, but it occurred to me that my name may now be on some kind of government list. It’s not that much of an outlandish thought these days, with everybody talking about terrorism and heightened states of emergency. I therefore think I’ll tone it down, and stop ranting for a while. Besides, there’s plenty to blog about living in London. I stand by everything I wrote in that letter, and still think CaMoron should not be Prime Minister, but now I’ve made my protest it’s time to move on.

I realised earlier that I do not say much about Lyn on my blog. Of course, I often mention that I love her, but not how much. I know it has no connection with things I’ve recently blogged about, but the truth is, Lyn has revolutionised my life: I used to fear I would forever be alone, but now I know how irrational that fear was. Yesterday, we were playing music, and my turn came to put on a song. I chose this – it suddenly popped into my head.. It sums up my love for Lyn very well. The truth is, I could never put into words how much I adore Lyn, but this song, sentimental though it is, came to mind when I thought about it.

Things have been getting rather heated in my online life recently. Offline, of course., things are still rather peachy – I’ve started volunteering at school again, our new Pas are superb, and apart for one or two minor things we need to sort, life in Charlton is great. However, I’ve been getting some flack for what I wrote two days aago: some say posting my letter to CaMoron on here too was self-gratification, and served no purpose; others say it was undemocratic; another guy called it ‘drival’. While they are entitled to their opinions, I stand by my writing. Of course the prime minister won’t see that letter, or at any rate he won’t reply, but that was not my point. I write here to register my opinion – to make it known. The purpose of my writing that letter was twofold. The wonderful thing about the internet is that it is a place where everyone can have a say, and air their views. If people want to stroke their egos, let them stroke them. For many years I struggled to communicate, but now I can communicate to the world that is exactly what I intend to do.

Sir, I write to demand your resignation. You will stand down as Prime Minister and call a general election immediately. It is abundantly clear to anyone who looks at the situation objectively that you are intellectually unfit to run this country, much less help it recover from recession. Your programme of cuts is wholly ideologically inspired: instead of allowing the economy to grow and solving our problems that way, you plan to make us all suffer just so you can reduce tax for your wealthy Tory friends. Thus the idea that these cuts are vital is a lie – a lie for which I demand an apology. I also demand you apologise for trying to blame the previous government for cuts you choose to impose; without the action taken by Mr. Brown, we would now be in an economic depression. You also owe Mr. Brown an apology for attempting to blame the economic crisis on him. The fact is, this crisis began in the banking sector, but you will never admit this as it is where most of your backers ‘earned’ their fortunes.

Moreover, your views on things such as crime are outdated: you cannot seem to understand that people do not choose consciously to be bad, but are influenced by environment. Bad and good do not exist in an objective sense. Thus your mindset is outdated, which is another reason why you and your party should remove yourselves from office immediately.

I am sickened by your entire worldview, your selfishness, your arrogance and your lies. You do not deserve to be in power, and it is only through an act of treachery on behalf of Nick Clegg that you are. Thus I find the fact that you awarded yourself five years in power an act of extreme arrogance; you did not have the backing of a majority of citizens, and thus no right to do this. Nor do you have a mandate to impose your ideologically-inspired cuts on us all.

You do not care about people with low incomes or who receive benefits, only those who already have the ability to look after their selves, and I find your assurance that you do a sickening lie. The idea of ‘compassionate conservatism’ is a laughable, insidious oxymoron. As a person with a disability, I fear for my future well being and the well being of my fellow disabled people: you will cut our benefits in order to serve your own purposes. Your stance on inclusive education dooms many disabled young people to a second rate education.

Thus I repeat my demand for you to stand down as prime minister and call an election; I will not allow you to continue calling yourself leader of the UK. Not only will I be sending this letter to you, but also posting it on my website and showing it to anyone who will pay heed. Your government, sir, cannot be allowed to stand.

Yesterday afternoon I started to muse over quite an interesting question: is it possible to be part of the Disabled community and be a Tory? At first glance, the answer is an obvious yes – you can hold any views you want and still be disabled. But can you hold conservative views and still see yourself as a member of the disability subculture, or still be welcome in it? For m at least, the answer to this is less clear cut.

I think it’s fair to say that most crips are galvanised against Tory cuts. Many in The direct action network have pointed out that their cuts will kill, and DAN members are protesting at the Tory party conference as I write. But the disability community is not Dan, and Dan is, after all, just a loose organisation of like-minded individuals. There does not appear to be a leadership per se, and thus no central ideology. It’s thus hard to define what the disabled community is and what it stands for, so from this perspective the answer to my question is an equally obvious yes.

Yet at the same time I do not think it’s that straightforward. Yes, disabled people are a diverse group of people, and have no universal ideas; as I wrote here, we are an ‘us’ without a ‘them’. But to a large extent that ‘us’ is a self-selecting group of indeviduals which seems to be united along certain lines: a good wealth fare state, inclusive education, and the social model of disability – all of which the Tories seem to be against. What if, say, some guy with CP was idiotic enough to start believing Tory lies and started spouting Tory rhetoric? Would he have a right to see himself as one of us? Or would he, in effect, have ostracised himself from the disabled community?

I’m not sure of the answer, but from certain perspectives I think I must answer ”Yes’. At the moment, the government is poised to make drastic cuts – cuts which any fool can see are ideologically inspired but which will kill. They will also undo the progress towards inclusion labour made, and Tories are more likely to view disability in medical terms rather than as a social construction. In other words, Tory ideology seems diametrically opposed to the beliefs held by most politically active disabled people, and it is these Political crips who that ‘us’ is more or less composed ofTo a certain extent, to many crip activists the Tories have become the opposing force – the ‘them’ – which I stated didn’t exist in my ‘Us and Them’ entry. In this light, although it makes me a bit uneasy, I do not see how any disabled Tory can have the right to invoke an ‘us’.

I do not like the idea of a community to which I feel I belong casting out anyone upon any grounds, and I certainly don’t like the idea of the disability community having anything as formal as a sanctioned ideology; but I do feel that we must, of necessity, close our metaphysical ranks and defend ourselves against an obviously oppressive force. This may smack of childish ‘clubbism’, and I may be raising divisions where I have no right to, but the fact is this is how the situation may be. Ultimately, though, this is a symptom of the divisions these tory cuts will cause, and I’m only describing a phenomenon which may only be happening from a certain point of view.

I like Skype very much. Last night, for the first time in the best part of a year, I spoke to my entire family at once. It felt wonderful. It turns out that Luke had recently gone to see the Merry Wives of Windsor too, quite coincidentally. Rather interestingly, mark has got into Hemingway – I never had him down for a Papa fan, but he likes the unembellished prose. He is reading a Movable Feast, and it seems, rather coolly, that Hemingway once lived quite near where mark and Kat were living in Paris about two years ago. I find that very cool indeed. When we were there, charlotte and I had dinner one night with Mark and Kat, as well as my uncle and aunt; could it be that we were in a restaurant one of the greatest writers of the twentieth century once frequented? It’s possible, but I digress.

Skype, then, is great. It allowed us all to see each other, and to talk together, a bit like we used to around the dinner table. We decided that we must all get together soon. for one, I want to talk Shakespeare and Hemingway with my brothers. We may now be dotted all over the place, but with things like Skype, family and friends are never that far away.

I just wrote the following to the andrew marr show. It’s probably futile, but I sent it anyway:

”I note, sir, that you have David cameron on tomorrow morning’s show. May I please make you aware of the following: Mr. Camoron has niether my allegence or respect; in my opinion he was not democratically elected, and therefore has no right to call himself prime minister.. His proposed cuts are utterly unnecessary, and will lead many people to desperation if not suicide.

I am a person wit a disability; I intend to marry a woman who also has a disability next summer. We both collect disability living allowance. Yet I fear Mr. Cameron’s cuts will make life hard for us both, if not untennable. Thus I call on cameron to stand aside and call another election. I will not allow him to ruin our lives and others for the sake of ccnservative ideology. It seems that he is letting us all starve to serve the interests of high business. I cannot sit by and let him do this.

No doubt you will ignore this message – you probably get them from nutters all the time. But the fact is I’m scared of what this coalition government will do, and what it means for my fiancee and myself.”

My brothers are home this weekend; or, rather, they’re at my parent’s house. It’s funny how I still think of that place as home, but I guess it’s natural – after all, I was born there, and grew up there. I’m still in south London, at home with Lyn, but I must admit a large part of me wishes I could join mark and Luke with my family. It’s been getting on for eight months since I left home. Don’t get me wrong: I’m still very happy living with Lyn, but part of me says I should be up there with my family. We don’t see each other very often at all these days. But, alas, it has been quite a hectic week, so I was unable to arrange going to join them myself. I’ll just say I hope they have a great time, that I’m thinking of them, and that I hope to see them all soon.

My mind works in weird ways. Our recent trip to the globe got me thinking about different ways of performing Shakespeare, which brought me to wonder weather anyone had actually performed it in klingon. To my surprise, I found a performance of the Klingon hamlet was recently put on by the Washington Shakespeare company. I took this as proof that humanity had definitely gone mad.

But I then found something even stranger: the first entire opera in Klingon premiered in The Hague on 10 September. It is the tale of how Kahless struggles against his enemy, a tyrant called Molor, and makes an epic journey to the underworld. It’s all good fun, of course, but I guess it goes to show how culturally significant star trek has become.

Seldom have I felt so happy before; only once or twice have I felt the combination of happiness, achievement and exhilaration that I do now. Today, we went to the globe; we saw The Merry Wives of Windsor’. Ideally I would like to see one of the great tragedies, but I think it served as a nice introduction to the iambic pentameter to Lyn, Andrez and Natalia. It’s a very funny play, full of vengeance and just comeuppances, performed exquisitely by an excellent cast.

I had wanted to see the globe since I first encountered Shakespeare at school. Back then, I was amazed at the sheer beauty of the language. The sense of wonder I felt then returned today as for the first time I saw that famous stage. It felt like a religious experience – like nothing I’d ever felt before: this was where some of the greatest texts ever written were performed, and some of the most mind-bogglingly beautiful sentences were spoken. I have always been fascinated by writing and language, so today was very special for me indeed. It was the first time I’d seen the inside of that building, and I honestly think what they have done ranks alongside I.M Pei’s Louve in terms of the great modern buildings of the world. Moreover, the space added something to the text, making it fresher somehow, giving it an extra dimension. The entire experience was simply incredible, and something I whish to remember for the rest of my life.

What more can I say? I go to bed a very happy fellow indeed, having rekindled a love that was starting to fade.

The Tories are probably smirking with glee over the way ed Miliband was elected leader of the labour party;; they probably also think he’ll be a pushover compared to his brother. Yet the fact remains that he has more goddamn integrity in his little finger than the entire Tory party. He seems honest and sincere, which is more than you can say for CaMoron.

With any luck he’ll soon be prime minister. After all it should have been the Tories who had to elect a new leader: they should not be in power in the first place, and it is only through the treachery of Nick clegg that they are. This joke of a government will soon fall apart and we’ll have fresh elections. Hopefully then Mr. Miliband will stop these selfish, unnecessary cuts and we can all get on with our lives.

I think I rather like football matches. Yesterday saw me attending my second ever live game: the local side, Charlton, against Dagenham and Redbridge. Andrzej suggested it might be interesting to go see a game, and, since the ground is only five minutes walk away, I thought it high time I go see Charlton play. Lyn, however, stayed at home – she had better things to do.

We had great fun. I felt very proletarian, sitting and listening to thee crowed. In fact I got carried away and began to gesticulate at the opposition when they equalised. There were some young men sitting behind us saying sum very vulgar things, but I suppose its all part of the fun. I think I needed to let my masculine side out for a bit.

It ended two all; to be honest I think Charlton were hard done by. Dagenham got a penalty late in the first half, making it one all, and scored in the dying moments of the unwarranted four minutes extra time in the second. I couldn’t feel disappointed for too long: I’d had a great time, and I definitely think I’ll go again.

As with most young couples these days, money seems to be getting tighter. Lyn and I were talking it over this morning: she proposed that we should get some cash by selling a few things. I suggested I try to get some kind of job. The problem then is, I’d have to come off benefits and my care would stop. There’s no way I could get a high-enough paid job to earn enough to pay for my care. So, in a way, we are stuck: it’s like Catch 22, only without the planes. Perhaps that makes it catch 23. either way, it’s a problem – one that many people with disabilities face.

I realise I enjoy a staggering amount if freedom: I can go anywhere I please, eat and drink what I like, wear what I like. This is just as it should be: I have no less freedom than anyone else. But last night I was made aware of this. it’s about a twenty year old guy who has had his liberty stripped from him. He has perpetrated no crime save being himself. He has autism, and is said to have ‘challenging behaviour’; but his family want him to come home, and his behaviour is only challenging when he is placed in stressful situations which he does not understand. In other words, all this man has done is act in the only way he knows, for which he has lost his freedom. I find myself wondering what I’d do if placed in his position – it isn’t outside the realm of possibility. The short-sightedness of the council horrifies me. I’m not sure exactly what a ‘deprivation of liberty’ order is, but the inhumanity it’s name implies is chilling.

Perhaps others don’t share my zeal for complete revolution, but I am, of course, not the only one deeply opposed to what CaMoron is doing or intends to do. There are talk of protests at the Tory party conference – protests that will hopefully rival in size the million-strong march against the Iraq war. Lib dem backbenchers are becoming increasingly vocal in their opposition to the proposed cuts. But will it make a difference?

Just as a million people marched against the war but we still invaded Iraq, I think these protests will come to nothing. Dave CaMoron will still be in power – an office to which he was not democratically elected; the Tories will still implement their ideologically-inspired cuts – cuts which, with the coming of winter, will kill. This march, however big, will achieve nothing save to demonstrate our opposition. But since when has any Tory cared about any opinion other than their own?

Indeed, the other day I encountered a Tory with the curious opinion that the left were hypocrites for not denouncing terry Jones’ plans to burn the Koran and yet protesting against the Pope’s visit. I was taken aback by the simplicity of this argument. The point was that, while terry Jones had every right to air his insane views, it is wrong to spend millions of tax payers money just so the pope can air his. The situation is very complex (and I daresay rather intriguing when you think about it), but frankly those on the right don’t seem to be able to handle that level of intellectual complexity. The reason why one level of religious intolerance must be tolerated while the other criticised is to do with the power structures involved. Moreover, it is also a matter of freedom of speech: how could I exercise my right to criticise the pope if I had not defended another’s right to criticise Islam?

These are the type of people currently in power: people who, I fear, see thins so simply. They see things in terms of black and white, moral and immoral; these are not the type of people to steer us out of recession without massive hardships and increasing inequalities. Given that they were not properly elected, and they will not listen to simple protests,; we as citizens have a right, even a duty, to oppose them by whatever means necessary.

Lyn does not blog very often, but I think this entry of hers is worth linking to. It’s about her Ipad, her reaction to it and how she uses it. It’s fascinating to see how something so small can be so revolutionary. Anyway, I think I’ll let Lyn speak for herself. Go read.

It has been quite an awesome couple of days. Friday night saw my first proper night out in ages. I don’t think I’ll go into too much detail, save to say I’m really pleased with how things went and that it boosted my confidence about a thousand fold.

Yesterday, however, was a slightly more cultural day. Our Pas, andrezj and Natalia, are very keen on the arts, and a few weeks ago they suggested we go to a ballet sometime, Lyn and I agreed; I thought it would be a good experience. For all my fascination with tutus and leotards, I’d never seen a ballet before. So, yesterday, rather too early for my liking given my activities the night before, they came. We got up, had breakfast, and on our way.

Yesterday was also noteworthy for the fact I was in my manual wheelchair for the first time all year. This turned out to be a rather good thing. We were using the surface train, first to London bridge, and then to Wimbledon. We’d booked assistance, but when the train came, nobody arrived with the ramps. However, we decided to get on anyway – we might be waiting for ever. Lyn and I are only light. So, A and N quickly hoisted us on to the train, and with Andrejz exclaiming ‘fuck you and fuck your ramps’, we were soon on our way. Perhaps there is some way to go before we crips achieve true freedom and equality, but with the right PA, we can achieve anything.

We got to Wimbledon in plenty of time. We drank coffee outside a cafe, and then it was time for the theatre. Ballet, it occurs to me, is quite a strange art form: highly aesthetic, very beautiful, but with plots which are hard to discern. We were at a modern adaptation of swan lake, which is a tale of love, adultery and a prince with a thing for swans. To my uneducated eyes, it was all quite weird. On the other hand, I could see how cinematic grammar could owe something to the ballet: they have similar ways of showing things.

After the show, we ate at a very nice cocktail bar, then headed back to the station. I was exhausted. I’ve had quite a weekend so far, but I think today will be quieter,

I am very angry about what is going on in the world right now. Every time I turn on the news I want to throw something at the TV. Three things particularly got my goat yesterday.

Firstly, David CaMoron wants to freeze the license fee, thereby cutting funding to the BBC. It’s no secret that the Tories, and CaMoron in particular, hate the beeb. This is probably because it has a nasty habit of telling the truth. It is the finest broadcaster and probably the most objective news source on earth, yet because it does not portray things from their twisted viewpoint, the Tories accuse the bbc of being left wing. I love the bbc – how dare they trample on it? I firmly believe that, given most Libdem voters have views more akin to Labour, it would have been more respectful to the views of the majority of people if the Libdem had formed a coalition with labour, albeit with a third party. What we have now is therefore illegitimate, and the Tories have no right to impose their unwarranted cuts.

Secondly, why is some stupid old guy with a crappy hat and outdated ideas being a state visit? I hate the way the pope comes over here and starts trying to tell us that we have become too secular. We’re secular for a reason: GOD DOES NOT EXIST! I find the accusation of ‘aggressive secularism’ quite rich too, coming from an organisation which hunted down non-believers and burned them at the steak until not long ago. It really gets my goat how this old man can come over here and tell us what to do, claiming to be the representative of god on earth. Religion, particularly his kind of religion, is repressive. And then we have that stupid bitch Warsi coming on Newsnight last night and telling us that religion is good and makes us more likely to do charitable works. This I find condescending and preposterous, but she claimed to have evidence on her side. A conservative defending religion claiming to have evidence to back up her arguments? What a joke! Anyway, I hope the stupid old man with the hat buggers off back to Italy soon.

The third thing which is really pissing me off is in France. how the hell can sarkozi have the gall to stand up at the EU and accuse it of being ‘disgusting and shameful’ for being straight with France over its persecution of the Roma? This is the biggest case of the pot calling the Kettle black since CaMoron accused brown of deceiving the country over Tory cuts. What is disgusting and shameful as France’s persecution of roma people: destroying their homes and deporting them. How can this be happening in Europe today? Has France not learned the lessons of the past? And how can the French president have the gall to act like he is the victim? I am disgusted and ashamed.

These three things make me very angry indeed. They all stem from forms of conservatism and intolerance: Tory intolerance of the bbc, the Pope’s intolerance of secularism and new ideas, and France’s intolerance of ethnic minorities and other ways off living. All three sicken me.

I had something of an adventure yesterday. I decided to go see if I could find Hugh, brother of Charlie, having recently found out his address. Lyn is very eager to get into the music industry – frankly, she’s more than good enough – and, being the only person I know who works in that area, I thought it would be a good idea to go show Hugh what Lyn is capable of. So off I went, armed with a CD of Lyn’s music and a vague idea of where I was going.

Hugh now lives in Brockley, not far from New cross. On the map, it didn’t look far from here at all. Lyn suggested I take the 54 bus rather than the 53. this turned out to be a mistake: I ended up in Lewisham, in the middle of rush hour, with no idea how to get to brokley. I decided to ask people for help. It always strikes me how kind people sometimes are; a woman with a young daughter helped me find out which bus to get – the 484 – and soon I wwas on my way to god knows where. On the bus, a kind old lady told me where to get off, and even then we had to ask for help from another lady. She got out her London A to Z, and at last I knew where I was going.

Five minutes later, I found the road I needed, then the house where Hugh and a few of his friends from Chester were apparently living. I got someone to knock on the door. I didn’tt recognise the guy who answered, but he recognised me. Hugh was still at work, so he rang him. After all that, it turns out Hugh would be working late tonight. We talked for a bit, and after I explained that I had no idea how to get home, he took me to new cross high street, which turned out to be just down the road. There I caught the 53, which took me straight back to Charlton.

I guess you could say that my excursion yesterday was a bit of a waste of time. I should have found out first when Hugh was in. but such excursions boost my confidence. Also, now I know where they live and how to get there, I can go back. I’ve been missing my friends from uni recently, so this trip went some way to putting that right. There are apparently a few nice pubs in new cross, so I think this will be the first of many trips that way.

I am really unsure what to make of ofsteds claim today that too many kids are being described as having special needs. It says most kids just need better support and teaching. This might well be true: it may be the case that the SEN label is being used true liberally, and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

With kids with physical disabilities, I guess it’s simpler. I have moderate to severe cerebral palsy, but no learning disabilities, so my needs at school were quite obvious: a lightwriter to communicate and a computer with a keyguard and rollerball, and I was pretty much fine. I know it wasn’t quite that simple, but you get the idea. With the right equipment and a half decent PA, I could do anything. I think it’s slightly more difficult fore those with problems which areen’t so physical and more to do with thought, intelligence and emotion.

This I have less experience and knowledge of. My gut says it’s an entirely different kettle of fish. I kind of think that such kids should be dealt with by an entirely different body, and not placed in the same broad category as kids with physical disabilities. Two bodies serving two separate categories of children could be more focussed. Indeed, I think disability itself has become too broad a term; part of me thinks it should refer only to physical conditions like CP or MD, and a word like impairment should be used for those with things like autism. The problems both groups face are often vastly different. The fact is, part of me thinks that the disability rights movement has become, to a certain extent, hijacked by people with things like autism.

This will strike some as tantamount to blasphemy, of course; but the fact is there are two types of disability – physical and non-physical – with different requirements. On the other hand, many people span this divide, having both physical and non-physical conditions. It is certainly true, too, that two split the disability rights movement into two groups would be folly: it would lead to fights over resources and political leverage – or at least escalate the fights there are already. To spit one civil right movement into two movements would mean that neither achieves its goals. Yet, to go back to where I started, if too many kids are being labelled as having SEN, perhaps one solution would be to treat physical and non-physical disabilities as entirely different entities. The thing is, this would have a semiotic effect, on certain levels, of splitting one community into two.

As usual, I need to ponder this further.

Thusfar my life has been a pretty comfortable affair. I grew up in a reasomably well-to-do household, where I had all the food, clothes, toys and so on that I needed. University was just as comfortable: I was well fed, had money to spare and coud enjoy myself. Down here with Lyn, I’m living as I’m accustomed to: independent, secure and very happy indeed. Yet I genuinely fear this could be about to change. If the proposed cuts to the benefit system go through, money will become much tighter. Lyn and I both get DLA, and if that is cut, I don’t know what we’ll do.

I’m very worried about what is about to happen, both to me and other disabled people. some have predicted suicides. The galling thing is, according to the head of the unions, these cuts aren’t even necessary. If we invested both in private and public industries, we could stimulate growth and cut thee deficit that way. It’s been done before, but I suspect it would mean raising tax rates. Thus the idea that these cuts are ‘vital’ is a lie: a barefaced sickening lie which threatens the wealth fare, and indeed the lives, of millions. And all to keep the taxes of wealthy tory donors and voters low.

In my blog entry yesterday I attempted tto locate some common themes on both sides of the so-called war on terror; I found two. Both sides are vehemently religious,, and both sides can be said to be ultra conservative. By conservative I mean restrictive, prescriptive, and intolerant of other views. I think these two stances are largely to blame for most of the world’s woes.

Yet, as a liberal, I have already contradicted myself: I should be tolerant of other peoples views, and try to protect their rights. This includes a right to be intolerant. I call this the Paradox of Liberalism, and it has been swimming around my head for years. Is there a point at which liberalism takes on the attributes of conservatism?

It brings to mind the old maxim: ”I do not agree with what you say, but would defend to my death your right to say it” I do not agree with religion – I think it repressive and judgemental. Yet people still have a right to believe what they will. This is why I think preventing the preacher in the states from burning the Koran is folly. My point yesterday, however, was to suggest that it was intolerance itself that was the problem. To ban an intolerant act is itself intolerant. I guess the problem stems from things being taken tto their extremes, as they are in ammerican religious conservatism.

I sometimes think it would be nice to be a conservative, and to see the world in such simplistic, binary terms. But the world does not work like that: it’s much more complicated. Things are never black or white but – as the cliche goes – shades of grey. There are points become tolerance becomes intolerant. All we can do, I suppose, is negotiate such philosophical eddies when we come to them the best we can.

We are all well aware of what day it is. Nine years ago, we all saw the images of planes being thrown into buildings; we all saw those buildings fall. We all know how many died. Yet it occurs to me that it was not that event in itself, but what was done after, which has blighted the world. Those planes were sent by a lunatic eager to kill and maim to achieve his own ends, but the true lunacy, if you think about it, lies with America’s reaction to it. Bush acted as though a sovereign nation had declared war on the US; immediately he deployed troops to Afghanistan, and almost immediately he added the word ‘Islamic’ to the word ‘terrorist’.

It’s this last act which was the most dangerous, because it instantly brought religion into the equation. We didn’t call Hitler a Christian dictator, just a dictator. In other words, it was bush who made this a religious war: indeed, it should never have been called a war in the first place. The result is the growth of religious fundamentalism in the states, including this moron threatening to burn copies of the Koran. Everything has been put into a religious context; everything has become black or white: Christianity and America good, Islam and foreigners bad. Conservatism good, liberalism bad.

The problem with the preacher in America is the second we prevent him from doing anything, society becomes slightly less free. On the other hand, by burning the Muslim holy book, he is in and of himself committing a profoundly intolerant act. Thus we have a paradox. I, as a liberal, believe people should be free to act as they whish, yet what this man proposed to do was profoundly illiberal, not to say highly reckless. But if this man was more tolerant of other people’s faith, he would not be burning the Koran; and if people were more tolerant of such actions, bbut simply saw it for what it is – some idiot trying to stir up trouble – it wouldn’t be a risk. In other words, it is because of conservatism that there is a problem.

Indeed, I think conservatism is a problem, and particularly the American brand of religious conservatism so fermented by Bush’s actions. Branding Bin Laden as an Islamic terrorist and then declaring war upon him, rather than discreetly dealing with him like the lunatic he is, drove people further into fundamentalism, intolerance and hatred. Now we have people saying that it is insulting to build an Islamic prayer room near ground zero; we have people throwing pigs into mosques; we have American bloggers frequently railing against Islam and espousing the most obscene and stupid things. From the pulpits more and more fundamental, intolerant readings of the bible are being preached, so that reason and science has given way to superstition and myth; the story of creation has pushed aside logic and evidence.

I look at all these things in horror

All this is because of religion and conservatism. Combine the two, and you get to a state where people hate each other just because they read different books. It is exactly what bin laden thinks, and by banding him a religious terrorist, Bush brought us all down to his level. Bin laden may have wanted a religious war, but it was George W. Bush that made it so, and his conservative followers who are carrying it on. Thus I think it is American religious conservatism, and conservatism in general, which is the biggest threat we face, not some lunatic in a cave. This problem stems from religious intolerance on both sides; the problem is not terrorism or democracy, Islam or Christianity in and of themselves, butt when such ideas are taken so far that they are pitted against one another. In short, the problem is a lack of tolerance on both sides. Without tolerance and understanding – without liberalism – there is only hatred, division and folly. And if that prevails, we are all lost.

Some say that it is possible to be too old to hug your parents – I just found out how very wrong they are. My parents just visited. They couldn’t stay long because they needed to get back to my grandmother, but as soon as he saw me my dad gave me a good, warm, fatherly hug. The type of hug which makes you feel five again; the type of hug which reminds you of being tucked up in bed listening to a thousand bedtime stories; the type of hug which made the world feel all right again.

My parents also brought stuff with them – my stuff. I now have many of my most prised possessions: the pictures Charlie gave me;* my Hitchcock, Lord of the rings and James bond DVD box sets; my Hemingway books and so on. I’m now very happy. the only problem is, where do we put everything?

Anyway, my parents didn’t stay too long, but they promised they’d be back in a few weeks. As I keep saying, I love life with Lyn, but I’m still close to my parents, and it feels wonderful to know that they are there for me.

*speaking of whom, I’d like to wish her a very happy birthday.

I was just flipping through Blair’s autobiography. Once I got over his nauseating writing style, it occurred to me what a masterstroke of PR it’s publication was. It serves to remind us all what a breath of fresh air New Labour was; how the entire country was once besotted with a fresh-faced young prime minister. One who, unlike our current one, you felt really believed in what he was saying. Of course, history will not be kind to Tony Blair, and rightly so. Dragging us into an unjust war was unforgivable, and Ricardio is right to label him a scumbag for it. Yet this means that history will forget the good he did: the thirteen or so prosperous years, the new schools, the beginnings of inclusion. I’ve only just started reading, but I hope this book reminds us of the good New Labour did.

I do not think I would be much of a blogger if I didn’t send you all here, to an excellent Guardian article spelling out precisely how damaging the government cuts to the benefit system are. One woman, who had lost her job, car and house due to stress was told she would have her benefits cut just because an assessor, who had just met her, said she could ”walk, talk and dress nicely”. These cuts are making people suffer; they are draconian; they remind me of thee ‘poor laws’ of the nineteenth century. I refuse to believe this is all part of an effort to cut the deficit, but an attempt to implement Tory philosophy at its harshest. And what is more sickening is that the Liberals, who under Asquith and Lloyd George fought so hard to end the poor law system, are complicit in all this.

There is nothing linking me to the guy mentioned at the end of this video. I deny everything. You can prove nothing. Would I ever say such an offensive and outrageous thing?

[insert spastic chuckle of mirth here]

I said something really REALLY stupid in my entry yesterday. I mean calamitously, cringe-enducingly stupid. So much so that I had to delete the offending paragraph. I slagged off ‘Red Jesus’. I originally thought it was another egocentric crip artist, without realising that Red Jesus was David W. Morris, a man of extraordinary talents in whose memory the festival was dedicated. A little research has made me realise that Morris was a leading light of the disability rights movement: an artist, filmmaker, chef and musician – indeed, a man of many talents. I intend to look into his work more closely, and I apologise most profusely for my error.