Carrying on with my musical theme, something rather cool happened this morning. I was just watching the rugby sevens tournament at the commonwealth games, and I heard Hello by The Cat Empire being played in the stadium. This is only noteworthy because of the fact that it was the first time I heard anything by the Cat Empire being played on British TV. They are still one of my favourite groups, but very few people seem to have heard of them in England.

Of course, this has nothing to do with anything I usually blog about. It’s hardly blogworthy really. But the truth is I don’t think I’ll do any more ranting for a while; I think I went slightly too far writing that letter to CaMoron last week. I didn’t get a reply, of course, but it occurred to me that my name may now be on some kind of government list. It’s not that much of an outlandish thought these days, with everybody talking about terrorism and heightened states of emergency. I therefore think I’ll tone it down, and stop ranting for a while. Besides, there’s plenty to blog about living in London. I stand by everything I wrote in that letter, and still think CaMoron should not be Prime Minister, but now I’ve made my protest it’s time to move on.

I realised earlier that I do not say much about Lyn on my blog. Of course, I often mention that I love her, but not how much. I know it has no connection with things I’ve recently blogged about, but the truth is, Lyn has revolutionised my life: I used to fear I would forever be alone, but now I know how irrational that fear was. Yesterday, we were playing music, and my turn came to put on a song. I chose this – it suddenly popped into my head.. It sums up my love for Lyn very well. The truth is, I could never put into words how much I adore Lyn, but this song, sentimental though it is, came to mind when I thought about it.

Things have been getting rather heated in my online life recently. Offline, of course., things are still rather peachy – I’ve started volunteering at school again, our new Pas are superb, and apart for one or two minor things we need to sort, life in Charlton is great. However, I’ve been getting some flack for what I wrote two days aago: some say posting my letter to CaMoron on here too was self-gratification, and served no purpose; others say it was undemocratic; another guy called it ‘drival’. While they are entitled to their opinions, I stand by my writing. Of course the prime minister won’t see that letter, or at any rate he won’t reply, but that was not my point. I write here to register my opinion – to make it known. The purpose of my writing that letter was twofold. The wonderful thing about the internet is that it is a place where everyone can have a say, and air their views. If people want to stroke their egos, let them stroke them. For many years I struggled to communicate, but now I can communicate to the world that is exactly what I intend to do.

Sir, I write to demand your resignation. You will stand down as Prime Minister and call a general election immediately. It is abundantly clear to anyone who looks at the situation objectively that you are intellectually unfit to run this country, much less help it recover from recession. Your programme of cuts is wholly ideologically inspired: instead of allowing the economy to grow and solving our problems that way, you plan to make us all suffer just so you can reduce tax for your wealthy Tory friends. Thus the idea that these cuts are vital is a lie – a lie for which I demand an apology. I also demand you apologise for trying to blame the previous government for cuts you choose to impose; without the action taken by Mr. Brown, we would now be in an economic depression. You also owe Mr. Brown an apology for attempting to blame the economic crisis on him. The fact is, this crisis began in the banking sector, but you will never admit this as it is where most of your backers ‘earned’ their fortunes.

Moreover, your views on things such as crime are outdated: you cannot seem to understand that people do not choose consciously to be bad, but are influenced by environment. Bad and good do not exist in an objective sense. Thus your mindset is outdated, which is another reason why you and your party should remove yourselves from office immediately.

I am sickened by your entire worldview, your selfishness, your arrogance and your lies. You do not deserve to be in power, and it is only through an act of treachery on behalf of Nick Clegg that you are. Thus I find the fact that you awarded yourself five years in power an act of extreme arrogance; you did not have the backing of a majority of citizens, and thus no right to do this. Nor do you have a mandate to impose your ideologically-inspired cuts on us all.

You do not care about people with low incomes or who receive benefits, only those who already have the ability to look after their selves, and I find your assurance that you do a sickening lie. The idea of ‘compassionate conservatism’ is a laughable, insidious oxymoron. As a person with a disability, I fear for my future well being and the well being of my fellow disabled people: you will cut our benefits in order to serve your own purposes. Your stance on inclusive education dooms many disabled young people to a second rate education.

Thus I repeat my demand for you to stand down as prime minister and call an election; I will not allow you to continue calling yourself leader of the UK. Not only will I be sending this letter to you, but also posting it on my website and showing it to anyone who will pay heed. Your government, sir, cannot be allowed to stand.

Yesterday afternoon I started to muse over quite an interesting question: is it possible to be part of the Disabled community and be a Tory? At first glance, the answer is an obvious yes – you can hold any views you want and still be disabled. But can you hold conservative views and still see yourself as a member of the disability subculture, or still be welcome in it? For m at least, the answer to this is less clear cut.

I think it’s fair to say that most crips are galvanised against Tory cuts. Many in The direct action network have pointed out that their cuts will kill, and DAN members are protesting at the Tory party conference as I write. But the disability community is not Dan, and Dan is, after all, just a loose organisation of like-minded individuals. There does not appear to be a leadership per se, and thus no central ideology. It’s thus hard to define what the disabled community is and what it stands for, so from this perspective the answer to my question is an equally obvious yes.

Yet at the same time I do not think it’s that straightforward. Yes, disabled people are a diverse group of people, and have no universal ideas; as I wrote here, we are an ‘us’ without a ‘them’. But to a large extent that ‘us’ is a self-selecting group of indeviduals which seems to be united along certain lines: a good wealth fare state, inclusive education, and the social model of disability – all of which the Tories seem to be against. What if, say, some guy with CP was idiotic enough to start believing Tory lies and started spouting Tory rhetoric? Would he have a right to see himself as one of us? Or would he, in effect, have ostracised himself from the disabled community?

I’m not sure of the answer, but from certain perspectives I think I must answer ”Yes’. At the moment, the government is poised to make drastic cuts – cuts which any fool can see are ideologically inspired but which will kill. They will also undo the progress towards inclusion labour made, and Tories are more likely to view disability in medical terms rather than as a social construction. In other words, Tory ideology seems diametrically opposed to the beliefs held by most politically active disabled people, and it is these Political crips who that ‘us’ is more or less composed ofTo a certain extent, to many crip activists the Tories have become the opposing force – the ‘them’ – which I stated didn’t exist in my ‘Us and Them’ entry. In this light, although it makes me a bit uneasy, I do not see how any disabled Tory can have the right to invoke an ‘us’.

I do not like the idea of a community to which I feel I belong casting out anyone upon any grounds, and I certainly don’t like the idea of the disability community having anything as formal as a sanctioned ideology; but I do feel that we must, of necessity, close our metaphysical ranks and defend ourselves against an obviously oppressive force. This may smack of childish ‘clubbism’, and I may be raising divisions where I have no right to, but the fact is this is how the situation may be. Ultimately, though, this is a symptom of the divisions these tory cuts will cause, and I’m only describing a phenomenon which may only be happening from a certain point of view.

I like Skype very much. Last night, for the first time in the best part of a year, I spoke to my entire family at once. It felt wonderful. It turns out that Luke had recently gone to see the Merry Wives of Windsor too, quite coincidentally. Rather interestingly, mark has got into Hemingway – I never had him down for a Papa fan, but he likes the unembellished prose. He is reading a Movable Feast, and it seems, rather coolly, that Hemingway once lived quite near where mark and Kat were living in Paris about two years ago. I find that very cool indeed. When we were there, charlotte and I had dinner one night with Mark and Kat, as well as my uncle and aunt; could it be that we were in a restaurant one of the greatest writers of the twentieth century once frequented? It’s possible, but I digress.

Skype, then, is great. It allowed us all to see each other, and to talk together, a bit like we used to around the dinner table. We decided that we must all get together soon. for one, I want to talk Shakespeare and Hemingway with my brothers. We may now be dotted all over the place, but with things like Skype, family and friends are never that far away.

I just wrote the following to the andrew marr show. It’s probably futile, but I sent it anyway:

”I note, sir, that you have David cameron on tomorrow morning’s show. May I please make you aware of the following: Mr. Camoron has niether my allegence or respect; in my opinion he was not democratically elected, and therefore has no right to call himself prime minister.. His proposed cuts are utterly unnecessary, and will lead many people to desperation if not suicide.

I am a person wit a disability; I intend to marry a woman who also has a disability next summer. We both collect disability living allowance. Yet I fear Mr. Cameron’s cuts will make life hard for us both, if not untennable. Thus I call on cameron to stand aside and call another election. I will not allow him to ruin our lives and others for the sake of ccnservative ideology. It seems that he is letting us all starve to serve the interests of high business. I cannot sit by and let him do this.

No doubt you will ignore this message – you probably get them from nutters all the time. But the fact is I’m scared of what this coalition government will do, and what it means for my fiancee and myself.”

My brothers are home this weekend; or, rather, they’re at my parent’s house. It’s funny how I still think of that place as home, but I guess it’s natural – after all, I was born there, and grew up there. I’m still in south London, at home with Lyn, but I must admit a large part of me wishes I could join mark and Luke with my family. It’s been getting on for eight months since I left home. Don’t get me wrong: I’m still very happy living with Lyn, but part of me says I should be up there with my family. We don’t see each other very often at all these days. But, alas, it has been quite a hectic week, so I was unable to arrange going to join them myself. I’ll just say I hope they have a great time, that I’m thinking of them, and that I hope to see them all soon.

My mind works in weird ways. Our recent trip to the globe got me thinking about different ways of performing Shakespeare, which brought me to wonder weather anyone had actually performed it in klingon. To my surprise, I found a performance of the Klingon hamlet was recently put on by the Washington Shakespeare company. I took this as proof that humanity had definitely gone mad.

But I then found something even stranger: the first entire opera in Klingon premiered in The Hague on 10 September. It is the tale of how Kahless struggles against his enemy, a tyrant called Molor, and makes an epic journey to the underworld. It’s all good fun, of course, but I guess it goes to show how culturally significant star trek has become.

Seldom have I felt so happy before; only once or twice have I felt the combination of happiness, achievement and exhilaration that I do now. Today, we went to the globe; we saw The Merry Wives of Windsor’. Ideally I would like to see one of the great tragedies, but I think it served as a nice introduction to the iambic pentameter to Lyn, Andrez and Natalia. It’s a very funny play, full of vengeance and just comeuppances, performed exquisitely by an excellent cast.

I had wanted to see the globe since I first encountered Shakespeare at school. Back then, I was amazed at the sheer beauty of the language. The sense of wonder I felt then returned today as for the first time I saw that famous stage. It felt like a religious experience – like nothing I’d ever felt before: this was where some of the greatest texts ever written were performed, and some of the most mind-bogglingly beautiful sentences were spoken. I have always been fascinated by writing and language, so today was very special for me indeed. It was the first time I’d seen the inside of that building, and I honestly think what they have done ranks alongside I.M Pei’s Louve in terms of the great modern buildings of the world. Moreover, the space added something to the text, making it fresher somehow, giving it an extra dimension. The entire experience was simply incredible, and something I whish to remember for the rest of my life.

What more can I say? I go to bed a very happy fellow indeed, having rekindled a love that was starting to fade.

The Tories are probably smirking with glee over the way ed Miliband was elected leader of the labour party;; they probably also think he’ll be a pushover compared to his brother. Yet the fact remains that he has more goddamn integrity in his little finger than the entire Tory party. He seems honest and sincere, which is more than you can say for CaMoron.

With any luck he’ll soon be prime minister. After all it should have been the Tories who had to elect a new leader: they should not be in power in the first place, and it is only through the treachery of Nick clegg that they are. This joke of a government will soon fall apart and we’ll have fresh elections. Hopefully then Mr. Miliband will stop these selfish, unnecessary cuts and we can all get on with our lives.

I think I rather like football matches. Yesterday saw me attending my second ever live game: the local side, Charlton, against Dagenham and Redbridge. Andrzej suggested it might be interesting to go see a game, and, since the ground is only five minutes walk away, I thought it high time I go see Charlton play. Lyn, however, stayed at home – she had better things to do.

We had great fun. I felt very proletarian, sitting and listening to thee crowed. In fact I got carried away and began to gesticulate at the opposition when they equalised. There were some young men sitting behind us saying sum very vulgar things, but I suppose its all part of the fun. I think I needed to let my masculine side out for a bit.

It ended two all; to be honest I think Charlton were hard done by. Dagenham got a penalty late in the first half, making it one all, and scored in the dying moments of the unwarranted four minutes extra time in the second. I couldn’t feel disappointed for too long: I’d had a great time, and I definitely think I’ll go again.

As with most young couples these days, money seems to be getting tighter. Lyn and I were talking it over this morning: she proposed that we should get some cash by selling a few things. I suggested I try to get some kind of job. The problem then is, I’d have to come off benefits and my care would stop. There’s no way I could get a high-enough paid job to earn enough to pay for my care. So, in a way, we are stuck: it’s like Catch 22, only without the planes. Perhaps that makes it catch 23. either way, it’s a problem – one that many people with disabilities face.

I realise I enjoy a staggering amount if freedom: I can go anywhere I please, eat and drink what I like, wear what I like. This is just as it should be: I have no less freedom than anyone else. But last night I was made aware of this. it’s about a twenty year old guy who has had his liberty stripped from him. He has perpetrated no crime save being himself. He has autism, and is said to have ‘challenging behaviour’; but his family want him to come home, and his behaviour is only challenging when he is placed in stressful situations which he does not understand. In other words, all this man has done is act in the only way he knows, for which he has lost his freedom. I find myself wondering what I’d do if placed in his position – it isn’t outside the realm of possibility. The short-sightedness of the council horrifies me. I’m not sure exactly what a ‘deprivation of liberty’ order is, but the inhumanity it’s name implies is chilling.

Perhaps others don’t share my zeal for complete revolution, but I am, of course, not the only one deeply opposed to what CaMoron is doing or intends to do. There are talk of protests at the Tory party conference – protests that will hopefully rival in size the million-strong march against the Iraq war. Lib dem backbenchers are becoming increasingly vocal in their opposition to the proposed cuts. But will it make a difference?

Just as a million people marched against the war but we still invaded Iraq, I think these protests will come to nothing. Dave CaMoron will still be in power – an office to which he was not democratically elected; the Tories will still implement their ideologically-inspired cuts – cuts which, with the coming of winter, will kill. This march, however big, will achieve nothing save to demonstrate our opposition. But since when has any Tory cared about any opinion other than their own?

Indeed, the other day I encountered a Tory with the curious opinion that the left were hypocrites for not denouncing terry Jones’ plans to burn the Koran and yet protesting against the Pope’s visit. I was taken aback by the simplicity of this argument. The point was that, while terry Jones had every right to air his insane views, it is wrong to spend millions of tax payers money just so the pope can air his. The situation is very complex (and I daresay rather intriguing when you think about it), but frankly those on the right don’t seem to be able to handle that level of intellectual complexity. The reason why one level of religious intolerance must be tolerated while the other criticised is to do with the power structures involved. Moreover, it is also a matter of freedom of speech: how could I exercise my right to criticise the pope if I had not defended another’s right to criticise Islam?

These are the type of people currently in power: people who, I fear, see thins so simply. They see things in terms of black and white, moral and immoral; these are not the type of people to steer us out of recession without massive hardships and increasing inequalities. Given that they were not properly elected, and they will not listen to simple protests,; we as citizens have a right, even a duty, to oppose them by whatever means necessary.

Lyn does not blog very often, but I think this entry of hers is worth linking to. It’s about her Ipad, her reaction to it and how she uses it. It’s fascinating to see how something so small can be so revolutionary. Anyway, I think I’ll let Lyn speak for herself. Go read.

It has been quite an awesome couple of days. Friday night saw my first proper night out in ages. I don’t think I’ll go into too much detail, save to say I’m really pleased with how things went and that it boosted my confidence about a thousand fold.

Yesterday, however, was a slightly more cultural day. Our Pas, andrezj and Natalia, are very keen on the arts, and a few weeks ago they suggested we go to a ballet sometime, Lyn and I agreed; I thought it would be a good experience. For all my fascination with tutus and leotards, I’d never seen a ballet before. So, yesterday, rather too early for my liking given my activities the night before, they came. We got up, had breakfast, and on our way.

Yesterday was also noteworthy for the fact I was in my manual wheelchair for the first time all year. This turned out to be a rather good thing. We were using the surface train, first to London bridge, and then to Wimbledon. We’d booked assistance, but when the train came, nobody arrived with the ramps. However, we decided to get on anyway – we might be waiting for ever. Lyn and I are only light. So, A and N quickly hoisted us on to the train, and with Andrejz exclaiming ‘fuck you and fuck your ramps’, we were soon on our way. Perhaps there is some way to go before we crips achieve true freedom and equality, but with the right PA, we can achieve anything.

We got to Wimbledon in plenty of time. We drank coffee outside a cafe, and then it was time for the theatre. Ballet, it occurs to me, is quite a strange art form: highly aesthetic, very beautiful, but with plots which are hard to discern. We were at a modern adaptation of swan lake, which is a tale of love, adultery and a prince with a thing for swans. To my uneducated eyes, it was all quite weird. On the other hand, I could see how cinematic grammar could owe something to the ballet: they have similar ways of showing things.

After the show, we ate at a very nice cocktail bar, then headed back to the station. I was exhausted. I’ve had quite a weekend so far, but I think today will be quieter,

I am very angry about what is going on in the world right now. Every time I turn on the news I want to throw something at the TV. Three things particularly got my goat yesterday.

Firstly, David CaMoron wants to freeze the license fee, thereby cutting funding to the BBC. It’s no secret that the Tories, and CaMoron in particular, hate the beeb. This is probably because it has a nasty habit of telling the truth. It is the finest broadcaster and probably the most objective news source on earth, yet because it does not portray things from their twisted viewpoint, the Tories accuse the bbc of being left wing. I love the bbc – how dare they trample on it? I firmly believe that, given most Libdem voters have views more akin to Labour, it would have been more respectful to the views of the majority of people if the Libdem had formed a coalition with labour, albeit with a third party. What we have now is therefore illegitimate, and the Tories have no right to impose their unwarranted cuts.

Secondly, why is some stupid old guy with a crappy hat and outdated ideas being a state visit? I hate the way the pope comes over here and starts trying to tell us that we have become too secular. We’re secular for a reason: GOD DOES NOT EXIST! I find the accusation of ‘aggressive secularism’ quite rich too, coming from an organisation which hunted down non-believers and burned them at the steak until not long ago. It really gets my goat how this old man can come over here and tell us what to do, claiming to be the representative of god on earth. Religion, particularly his kind of religion, is repressive. And then we have that stupid bitch Warsi coming on Newsnight last night and telling us that religion is good and makes us more likely to do charitable works. This I find condescending and preposterous, but she claimed to have evidence on her side. A conservative defending religion claiming to have evidence to back up her arguments? What a joke! Anyway, I hope the stupid old man with the hat buggers off back to Italy soon.

The third thing which is really pissing me off is in France. how the hell can sarkozi have the gall to stand up at the EU and accuse it of being ‘disgusting and shameful’ for being straight with France over its persecution of the Roma? This is the biggest case of the pot calling the Kettle black since CaMoron accused brown of deceiving the country over Tory cuts. What is disgusting and shameful as France’s persecution of roma people: destroying their homes and deporting them. How can this be happening in Europe today? Has France not learned the lessons of the past? And how can the French president have the gall to act like he is the victim? I am disgusted and ashamed.

These three things make me very angry indeed. They all stem from forms of conservatism and intolerance: Tory intolerance of the bbc, the Pope’s intolerance of secularism and new ideas, and France’s intolerance of ethnic minorities and other ways off living. All three sicken me.

I had something of an adventure yesterday. I decided to go see if I could find Hugh, brother of Charlie, having recently found out his address. Lyn is very eager to get into the music industry – frankly, she’s more than good enough – and, being the only person I know who works in that area, I thought it would be a good idea to go show Hugh what Lyn is capable of. So off I went, armed with a CD of Lyn’s music and a vague idea of where I was going.

Hugh now lives in Brockley, not far from New cross. On the map, it didn’t look far from here at all. Lyn suggested I take the 54 bus rather than the 53. this turned out to be a mistake: I ended up in Lewisham, in the middle of rush hour, with no idea how to get to brokley. I decided to ask people for help. It always strikes me how kind people sometimes are; a woman with a young daughter helped me find out which bus to get – the 484 – and soon I wwas on my way to god knows where. On the bus, a kind old lady told me where to get off, and even then we had to ask for help from another lady. She got out her London A to Z, and at last I knew where I was going.

Five minutes later, I found the road I needed, then the house where Hugh and a few of his friends from Chester were apparently living. I got someone to knock on the door. I didn’tt recognise the guy who answered, but he recognised me. Hugh was still at work, so he rang him. After all that, it turns out Hugh would be working late tonight. We talked for a bit, and after I explained that I had no idea how to get home, he took me to new cross high street, which turned out to be just down the road. There I caught the 53, which took me straight back to Charlton.

I guess you could say that my excursion yesterday was a bit of a waste of time. I should have found out first when Hugh was in. but such excursions boost my confidence. Also, now I know where they live and how to get there, I can go back. I’ve been missing my friends from uni recently, so this trip went some way to putting that right. There are apparently a few nice pubs in new cross, so I think this will be the first of many trips that way.

I am really unsure what to make of ofsteds claim today that too many kids are being described as having special needs. It says most kids just need better support and teaching. This might well be true: it may be the case that the SEN label is being used true liberally, and then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

With kids with physical disabilities, I guess it’s simpler. I have moderate to severe cerebral palsy, but no learning disabilities, so my needs at school were quite obvious: a lightwriter to communicate and a computer with a keyguard and rollerball, and I was pretty much fine. I know it wasn’t quite that simple, but you get the idea. With the right equipment and a half decent PA, I could do anything. I think it’s slightly more difficult fore those with problems which areen’t so physical and more to do with thought, intelligence and emotion.

This I have less experience and knowledge of. My gut says it’s an entirely different kettle of fish. I kind of think that such kids should be dealt with by an entirely different body, and not placed in the same broad category as kids with physical disabilities. Two bodies serving two separate categories of children could be more focussed. Indeed, I think disability itself has become too broad a term; part of me thinks it should refer only to physical conditions like CP or MD, and a word like impairment should be used for those with things like autism. The problems both groups face are often vastly different. The fact is, part of me thinks that the disability rights movement has become, to a certain extent, hijacked by people with things like autism.

This will strike some as tantamount to blasphemy, of course; but the fact is there are two types of disability – physical and non-physical – with different requirements. On the other hand, many people span this divide, having both physical and non-physical conditions. It is certainly true, too, that two split the disability rights movement into two groups would be folly: it would lead to fights over resources and political leverage – or at least escalate the fights there are already. To spit one civil right movement into two movements would mean that neither achieves its goals. Yet, to go back to where I started, if too many kids are being labelled as having SEN, perhaps one solution would be to treat physical and non-physical disabilities as entirely different entities. The thing is, this would have a semiotic effect, on certain levels, of splitting one community into two.

As usual, I need to ponder this further.

Thusfar my life has been a pretty comfortable affair. I grew up in a reasomably well-to-do household, where I had all the food, clothes, toys and so on that I needed. University was just as comfortable: I was well fed, had money to spare and coud enjoy myself. Down here with Lyn, I’m living as I’m accustomed to: independent, secure and very happy indeed. Yet I genuinely fear this could be about to change. If the proposed cuts to the benefit system go through, money will become much tighter. Lyn and I both get DLA, and if that is cut, I don’t know what we’ll do.

I’m very worried about what is about to happen, both to me and other disabled people. some have predicted suicides. The galling thing is, according to the head of the unions, these cuts aren’t even necessary. If we invested both in private and public industries, we could stimulate growth and cut thee deficit that way. It’s been done before, but I suspect it would mean raising tax rates. Thus the idea that these cuts are ‘vital’ is a lie: a barefaced sickening lie which threatens the wealth fare, and indeed the lives, of millions. And all to keep the taxes of wealthy tory donors and voters low.

In my blog entry yesterday I attempted tto locate some common themes on both sides of the so-called war on terror; I found two. Both sides are vehemently religious,, and both sides can be said to be ultra conservative. By conservative I mean restrictive, prescriptive, and intolerant of other views. I think these two stances are largely to blame for most of the world’s woes.

Yet, as a liberal, I have already contradicted myself: I should be tolerant of other peoples views, and try to protect their rights. This includes a right to be intolerant. I call this the Paradox of Liberalism, and it has been swimming around my head for years. Is there a point at which liberalism takes on the attributes of conservatism?

It brings to mind the old maxim: ”I do not agree with what you say, but would defend to my death your right to say it” I do not agree with religion – I think it repressive and judgemental. Yet people still have a right to believe what they will. This is why I think preventing the preacher in the states from burning the Koran is folly. My point yesterday, however, was to suggest that it was intolerance itself that was the problem. To ban an intolerant act is itself intolerant. I guess the problem stems from things being taken tto their extremes, as they are in ammerican religious conservatism.

I sometimes think it would be nice to be a conservative, and to see the world in such simplistic, binary terms. But the world does not work like that: it’s much more complicated. Things are never black or white but – as the cliche goes – shades of grey. There are points become tolerance becomes intolerant. All we can do, I suppose, is negotiate such philosophical eddies when we come to them the best we can.

We are all well aware of what day it is. Nine years ago, we all saw the images of planes being thrown into buildings; we all saw those buildings fall. We all know how many died. Yet it occurs to me that it was not that event in itself, but what was done after, which has blighted the world. Those planes were sent by a lunatic eager to kill and maim to achieve his own ends, but the true lunacy, if you think about it, lies with America’s reaction to it. Bush acted as though a sovereign nation had declared war on the US; immediately he deployed troops to Afghanistan, and almost immediately he added the word ‘Islamic’ to the word ‘terrorist’.

It’s this last act which was the most dangerous, because it instantly brought religion into the equation. We didn’t call Hitler a Christian dictator, just a dictator. In other words, it was bush who made this a religious war: indeed, it should never have been called a war in the first place. The result is the growth of religious fundamentalism in the states, including this moron threatening to burn copies of the Koran. Everything has been put into a religious context; everything has become black or white: Christianity and America good, Islam and foreigners bad. Conservatism good, liberalism bad.

The problem with the preacher in America is the second we prevent him from doing anything, society becomes slightly less free. On the other hand, by burning the Muslim holy book, he is in and of himself committing a profoundly intolerant act. Thus we have a paradox. I, as a liberal, believe people should be free to act as they whish, yet what this man proposed to do was profoundly illiberal, not to say highly reckless. But if this man was more tolerant of other people’s faith, he would not be burning the Koran; and if people were more tolerant of such actions, bbut simply saw it for what it is – some idiot trying to stir up trouble – it wouldn’t be a risk. In other words, it is because of conservatism that there is a problem.

Indeed, I think conservatism is a problem, and particularly the American brand of religious conservatism so fermented by Bush’s actions. Branding Bin Laden as an Islamic terrorist and then declaring war upon him, rather than discreetly dealing with him like the lunatic he is, drove people further into fundamentalism, intolerance and hatred. Now we have people saying that it is insulting to build an Islamic prayer room near ground zero; we have people throwing pigs into mosques; we have American bloggers frequently railing against Islam and espousing the most obscene and stupid things. From the pulpits more and more fundamental, intolerant readings of the bible are being preached, so that reason and science has given way to superstition and myth; the story of creation has pushed aside logic and evidence.

I look at all these things in horror

All this is because of religion and conservatism. Combine the two, and you get to a state where people hate each other just because they read different books. It is exactly what bin laden thinks, and by banding him a religious terrorist, Bush brought us all down to his level. Bin laden may have wanted a religious war, but it was George W. Bush that made it so, and his conservative followers who are carrying it on. Thus I think it is American religious conservatism, and conservatism in general, which is the biggest threat we face, not some lunatic in a cave. This problem stems from religious intolerance on both sides; the problem is not terrorism or democracy, Islam or Christianity in and of themselves, butt when such ideas are taken so far that they are pitted against one another. In short, the problem is a lack of tolerance on both sides. Without tolerance and understanding – without liberalism – there is only hatred, division and folly. And if that prevails, we are all lost.

Some say that it is possible to be too old to hug your parents – I just found out how very wrong they are. My parents just visited. They couldn’t stay long because they needed to get back to my grandmother, but as soon as he saw me my dad gave me a good, warm, fatherly hug. The type of hug which makes you feel five again; the type of hug which reminds you of being tucked up in bed listening to a thousand bedtime stories; the type of hug which made the world feel all right again.

My parents also brought stuff with them – my stuff. I now have many of my most prised possessions: the pictures Charlie gave me;* my Hitchcock, Lord of the rings and James bond DVD box sets; my Hemingway books and so on. I’m now very happy. the only problem is, where do we put everything?

Anyway, my parents didn’t stay too long, but they promised they’d be back in a few weeks. As I keep saying, I love life with Lyn, but I’m still close to my parents, and it feels wonderful to know that they are there for me.

*speaking of whom, I’d like to wish her a very happy birthday.

I was just flipping through Blair’s autobiography. Once I got over his nauseating writing style, it occurred to me what a masterstroke of PR it’s publication was. It serves to remind us all what a breath of fresh air New Labour was; how the entire country was once besotted with a fresh-faced young prime minister. One who, unlike our current one, you felt really believed in what he was saying. Of course, history will not be kind to Tony Blair, and rightly so. Dragging us into an unjust war was unforgivable, and Ricardio is right to label him a scumbag for it. Yet this means that history will forget the good he did: the thirteen or so prosperous years, the new schools, the beginnings of inclusion. I’ve only just started reading, but I hope this book reminds us of the good New Labour did.

I do not think I would be much of a blogger if I didn’t send you all here, to an excellent Guardian article spelling out precisely how damaging the government cuts to the benefit system are. One woman, who had lost her job, car and house due to stress was told she would have her benefits cut just because an assessor, who had just met her, said she could ”walk, talk and dress nicely”. These cuts are making people suffer; they are draconian; they remind me of thee ‘poor laws’ of the nineteenth century. I refuse to believe this is all part of an effort to cut the deficit, but an attempt to implement Tory philosophy at its harshest. And what is more sickening is that the Liberals, who under Asquith and Lloyd George fought so hard to end the poor law system, are complicit in all this.

There is nothing linking me to the guy mentioned at the end of this video. I deny everything. You can prove nothing. Would I ever say such an offensive and outrageous thing?

[insert spastic chuckle of mirth here]

I said something really REALLY stupid in my entry yesterday. I mean calamitously, cringe-enducingly stupid. So much so that I had to delete the offending paragraph. I slagged off ‘Red Jesus’. I originally thought it was another egocentric crip artist, without realising that Red Jesus was David W. Morris, a man of extraordinary talents in whose memory the festival was dedicated. A little research has made me realise that Morris was a leading light of the disability rights movement: an artist, filmmaker, chef and musician – indeed, a man of many talents. I intend to look into his work more closely, and I apologise most profusely for my error.

Lyn and I had a great day yesterday. As I noted two days ago, it was the annual Liberty festival – a day-long festival for disabled people in Trafalgar square. For starters, I was pleased with myself for using the tube on my own for the first time. Lyn was in two minds about going, so we agreed that I’d set off on my own, and she would catch up with me later if she wanted. So, I caught the bus to the dome, then the tube to Westminster.

Or, rather, that was the plan. The tube was shut from waterloo onwards. I kept my head, though, and asked for assistance. Pretty soon I was on another overland train to charring cross, and then it was a simple zoom down to Trafalgar square. Nothing very complex, but it boosted my confidence.

When I got there, the festival was in full swing. I bumped in ,my old friend Katie, whom I know from Onevoice. We saw some wheelchair dancers, which were rather kitsch and quite amusing. I then milled about a bit, at one point going over to see the guys from BBC Ouch – getting to talk to them, after reading their website for all these years, was rather cool. It seems to me that ouch is one of the ‘hubs’ of the disability community, although I might need to investigate that in greater detail.

An hour or so later, Lyn and Kasia arrived. We had a bit of trouble finding each other in the crowd, but it sure is handy being able to text now. I think L and K had had the same problems with the tube I did. In fact I was very glad to see them, as I was worried about how to get home.

Anyway, we spent the rest of the afternoon talking and observing. Lyn bumped into a few friends of hers, and I got talking to a guy from Dan. They were handing out leaflets concerning the coalitions benefit cuts. I am now seriously considering going to the protest at the forthcoming Tory party conference: the damage CaMoron and his party will do to disabled people is huge. DLA will be cut by 25%, and disabled people will be placed under pressure to come off benefit – the target is one in five.

By then, it was getting dark. We decided to go up a street to find somewhere to have dinner, then we went home. This turned out to be much easier than coming, as the 53 bus runs from Whitehall to plumstead, passing the end of our road. On the bus, I had chance to ponder what a great day it had been, and how beautiful London looks at dusk.

Tomorrow should be cool, all being well. Lyn and I are planning to go to the Liberty Festival in Trafalgar square. To be honest, apart from that it’s a disability pride thing, I do not know too much about it. But Trafalgar square is only a tube ride away, so I reckon it’s well worth a look.

I feel I kind of live on the periphery of the disabled community. Although I have quite a few friends with disability, and am indeed engaged to a woman with CP, I still feel something of an outsider when it comes to the community. I just try to voice my perspective on my blog, but no longer get involved with things like Ouch. Indeed, I’m still not even sure there is a community per se.

I think that needs to change a bit. I think I need to get involved more in crip culture; I need to understand it a bit more. I also think Lyn and I could do with a few more contacts. Either way, tomorrow, if we do go, should be cool: a chance to celebrate who we are, network, and perhaps bump into a few old friends.

I just gave the bbc interview with Tony Blair a watch. Lyn was watching it last night, but I was too tired to concentrate. I think better in the mornings. I still can’t decide what to make of Blair though: I can understand why so many people hate him, and I too was against attacking Iraq, yet I still respect Blair. I think his intentions were both honourable and genuine, if nave. He wants to make the world better for others, and in removing saddam he thought that he was doing just that. But I don’t think he realised that simply to go around imposing our views on others, however well-intended those views may be, is folly. After all, the British empire justified itself with similar reasoning.

Yet I still like Blair. I still remember that feeling of euphoria that morning in 97 when we woke up to find the dark days were over. I remember the feeling of things gradually getting better. People had more money and more optimism. Now those days are over, and I fear that we are now about to return to those dark days, under a prime minister who is neither honourable nor genuine. CaMoron may attempt to appear nice and open and tolerant, but he is nothing of the sort. He is no Tony Blair.

I just want to record a thought today. I was outside last night, pondering life, the universe and everything. Lyn was in the living room, on her Ipad. At one point, I began to wonder if I should go in to be with her. But then I thought, ”No, we have the rest of our lives together; we have all the time in the world to be with each other.” In that moment, I realised there was no time limit, that Lyn is going to be the person I’ll spend the rest of my days with. And that realisation feels incredible.

My father was, of course, right when he said it was ridiculous to deny CaMoron’s legitimacy as prime minister. It did indeed make me ” sound just like the wingnuts in the States who refuse to accept Obama as President.” The last thing I want to do is sound like one of those lunatics. Yet I was writing yesterday from a position of absolute powerlessness: we have a government which I cannot stand, poised to wreck the benefits system. It has arrogantly awarded itself a five year fixed term, during which time life will become increasingly worse for disabled people and the working classes, just so taxes can be lowered. I cannot abide their lies, arrogance and selfish worldview. To deny CaMoron’s legitimacy as PM may be folly, but what I can deny is his claim to rule for the benefit of all. His policies benefit only the wealthy, upon which basis, given government should work for the good of all, I also deny conservatism’s claim to rationality itself.

I do wish the media would stop referring to David CaMoron as the prime minister, because he isn’t. at the risk of sounding a bit of a lunatic, given that he was not elected by the majority of people in this country, I refuse to recognise CaMoron as my PM. I have many objections to his policies – I think they are backwardslooking, insular, and Neoliberal. Behind his ‘austerity measures’, one can easily detect the individualist, ‘I’m all right Jack’ attitudes that have always been Tory hall marks. And it is precisely these attitudes that are going to send us straight back into recession, and probably depression. Moreover, within the conservative party, there have always been non-progressive, xenophobic attitudes intent on repressing immigrants, ethnic minorities and anyone different from ‘normal’. I strongly suspect these attitudes are still there, however much Tories try to hide them.

This is why I still refuse to recognise CaMoron as prime minister. The fact is he does not have my respect. I know it won’t achieve anything, and is purely a symbolic act, butt if I convince other people to do the same, maybe we can get the asshole out of a place where he has no right to be.

Lyn and I spent yesterday at home, for the most part. I did some work on my thesis, and Lyn composed music in her studio. I did, however, get to watch some TV, and boy did I get a treat. At around midday, Howard Hawks’ ‘His Girl Friday’ (1940) was on. To me, this film is an exemplar of Hollywood of classicism: shot magnificently and highly efficiently, the dialogue almost crackles with greatness. There was one long scene where the whole film comes together – its almost totally dialogue driven, with almost no extra diagetic music. I only whish I could write a fraction as well as that. I’d forgotten how magnificent that film could be – no wonder Hawks was a favourite of the Young Turk writers of cahiers du cinema.

If that wasn’t enough of a treat, in the evening I stumbled onto another gem, this time in terms of comedy. I found a show called ‘Roger and Val have just got In’ on BBC2 (I think). It had Dawn French in. while I like French’s work anyway, I was amazed by this show. The entire episode was composed of just one scene with two characters. Again, it was totally dialogue driven, yet the dialogue was used to create an entire scenario, an entire world with characters who had discernable personalities. For the second time yesterday, I found myself very impressed.

It just goes to show there’s hope for telly yet. There is usually so much dross on, but there are still some gems which you can stand up next to the Hollywood greats.

We recently employed two new personal assistants – a polish couple who recently migrated. I must say how impressed I am with Andrzej and Natalia; I think they have previous experience of personal assistance work. Today, for example, we had a very successful shopping trip. We had a good conversation about British culture in Costa; I was trying to expand Andrzej’s English vocabulary. Rather mischievously, I told him about the phrase ‘smeg head’. Mind you, although I know it’s from Red Dwarf, I’m not entirely sure what smeg is, apart from something obscene. So, in that spirit, I’ll send you here.

I already really like Andrzej and Natalia; they strike me as highly intelligent people. We’ve already had some fascinating conversations, about subjects as diverse as the Russian revolution to the status of disabled people in Poland. Hopefully they’ll be the first conversations of a great many.

One of my online associates contacted me with quite an interesting idea last night. She wrote: ” tactics Matt, split the Lib Dems more than they are split already and the coalition falls. Too lat to stop all the damage but best case scenario. Bigger the protest better for splitting already disenchanted Lib Dems.” As far as I am concerned, this coalition is bad for the country and so must go. The liberals are now effectively the Tories lap-dogs; they seem to have betrayed their instincts in return for power. Yet ttheir support is crucial to CaMoron’s premiership. In other words, take out the lib-dems and the coalition falls. Given that it is doing so much damage to our economy and society, this government must be overturned as soon as possible. Yet, the question is, how do we make Nick clegg put aside his lust for power, and realise that he is playing into the hands of the Tories?

Last night I watched quite an interesting piece on Newsnight about Muslim women wearing the hijab or niqab. It is, of course, a very complex issue, but these women were essentially arguing that they wear it as part of their identity. As I wrote here, I think anyone has a right to wear what they want, and these women have a right to wear veils if they wish. But if this is so, then so do I. given my dress sense often crosses gender boundaries, and given my attitude to religion – that it is just another grand narrative to be deconstructed – why shouldn’t I be allowed to wear a veil? I think it would be a strong statement. If these women feel it liberates them, might it not liberate me?

I will, of course do no such thing. There’s a feeling in the pit of my stomach saying this might be a step too far. Pink party frocks are one thing, but donning a niqab is another. Wearing a dress might get a few odd looks, but nobody will kick my head in, which is what I suspect will happen if I put on a veil. Yet this begs the question why. If we really live in an open and tolerant society, why shouldn’t the same rules apply for everyone, or doesn’t transvestism cross religious boundaries?

It is true that it is only in hindsight that one sees with clarity. For example, I was recently wondering about the best meals of my life: for some reason, I began to wonder, which were the best meals I’ve ever eaten. I came up with a list of three: firstly, there was the seafood buffet I had on new years eve 06/07, in Sydney with my family. We had flown in from the ‘red centre’ that evening, and were lucky to get spaces for the festiivities in our Sydney hotel. The seafood was delicious, and the fireworks made it one of the most memorable evenings of my life.

Then there was the Cuban risotto I had in Paris. When I went there with charlotte, two years ago, we found a little Cuban place near the champs Elysess. I remember it vividly for two reasons: it was there that I drank my first authentic daiquiri, and it was there that charlotte tried to learn to dance Cuban style. I remember it being a truly amazing evening, and one of the best of my life.

The third meal on my list is the least recent, and the most special. In 1994, my parents tool me to the west coast of America. We rented a van, and we toured California, Nevada, and Arizona before going back into California. On one of the last nights, we were up in the Rockies, in Yosemite. Despite the incredible natural beauty, I was miserable, as the chalets we were staying in didn’t have any TV sets. That evening, despite me being in a preadolescent huff, I remember my parents, my brothers and I sitting, up among the redwoods, playing Chinese whispers over a pizza. The sky was so clear that we could see Venus between the mountains. I was young and in a huff, but, looking back, I think that was one of the most magical evenings of my life.

My point is, I think retrospect is the key; none of my favourite meals felt significant at the time. You cant grasp the significance of an event until enough time passes that you can look back on it. Maybe this is the case with politics: Gordon brown is currently portrayed as inept, but I suspect retrospect will show that he saved us from a worldwide depression. I know the two examples are worlds apart, but it is only through hindsight that one can realise the significance of anything, from your three finest meals to the efficacy of a prime minister.

It would seem that hung parliaments are now in fashion. The exit polls of Australia are currently showing that that country too is headed for the type of political turmoil that we went through. I like Australia and Australians, and I really hope that they are spared the shambles we are in, where an essentially far-right party is hiding behind a liberal junior partner in order to make it look respectable. Somehow, though, I don’t think the aussies will stand for that; for the most part, they seem to be a friendly, liberal bunch. On the other hand, its interesting to note ask why elections are so close these days? Is it a sign of insecurity? Might it betray some major worldwide trend – a trend showing widespread unease and indecisiveness? As the societies of the world become increasingly mixed, with people and ideas flowing more freely, I think it’s a sign of the times. The one place we’re not seeing this is the united states, where political views seem to be becoming more polarised, more extreme and less tolerant. What this all means I don’t know, but I cant help wonder where it will lead.