I didn’t make this one, but I certainly agree with the sentiment…

If anyone is interested in details of Amazon’s upcoming series based on Tolkien’s writing, they might want to watch this. There’s quite a bit of detail in this video, apparently derived from a leaked synopsis. I won’t comment much on it, although to be honest as a Tolkien fan, I feel a bit of trepidation about where Amazon are heading with this: A series fleshing out the Second Age is fair enough, but the synopsis seems to mention characters Tolkien didn’t create, and what the zark will Sir Lenny Henry be doing in it? It has, though, been a while since I read any Tolkien, and I’m not that familiar with the events of the Second Age, so I better go brush up on The Unfinished Tales before I go much deeper.

I think we should be very, very concerned indeed about this news that a Fox-style, right-wing bullshit spewing news channel is being created in the UK. Of course, I know that freedom of speech and plurality of opinion must be sacrosanct, but the last thing the country needs right now is a soapbox on steroids where far-right nutcases like Nick Ferrari and Julia Heartley-Brewer can mouth their empty, reactionary heads off to a captive, unquestioning audience. The country is divided enough as it is, but GB News promises to air “programming with attitude and strong opinions, serving a conservative, provincial audience supposedly ignored by the liberal metropolitan instincts of the current incumbents in British TV news.” Rather than drawing from a breadth of opinion and properly sourced material, such channels use a set of provocative, outspoken hosts to try to steer viewers towards highly conservative mindsets. Such hosts become almost worshipped or reveered by the audience; their often baseless pronouncements accepted without question. Perhaps even more concerning is the fact that it isn’t entirely clear where this new news channel is being funded from. Having watched a bit of Fox News, and seen the social and cultural problems that kind of reactionary, bigoted, intentionally divisive propaganda pump can cause, I really think this channel is the last thing we need in the UK right now.

I just gave Joe Biden’s inauguration concert a watch, and as relieved as I am that America has a properly qualified president again, I must admit my mind is split. The show was full of the self-aggrandising, self-congratulatory hogwash we now expect from Americans: they seem so eager to pronounce their country the greatest in the world, yet apparently refuse to admit, even to themselves, the massive problems their country has. At one point they lauded their healthcare system (they seem to have nicked our ‘clap for carers’ tradition) but refuse to admit how draconian their system is compared to a properly funded state healthcare system like the NHS. At least now they have a proper, decent person as their president, such issues can begin to be addressed, although I’m not holding my breath.

Although I hear there’s something going on in America later which might be worth watching, if you watch nothing else today, check this groundbreaking documentary out. I’m not sure how I missed it last night, but it seems that the Beeb has at last screened a history of the disability rights movement, as told by disabled people ourselves. I can’t stress how important this programme probably is: while it isn’t perfect – such documentaries never are – it seems the mainstream media has at last made an effort to engage with an aspect of culture almost completely ignored until now. As the doc itself admits, until fairly recently people with disabilities were shut away and hidden from the rest of society. Yet with programs like this we crips are at last getting to tell our side of the story; there’s even a pretty good explanation of the Social Model, and DAN even gets referenced too. While it may be rather overdue, the revolution we were hoping the 2012 Paralympics would bring about having never really appeared, I certainly hope this is only the first of many programmes which engage properly with disability as both a social and political phenomenon.

To tell the truth I’m not totally pleased with my entry yesterday. I’m sure most readers will be able to see what I was getting at, but it wasn’t quite as comic or as impactful as I wanted it to be, probably because I couldn’t think of humorous enough analogues. Yet I still intend to post more of that kind of entry: having now been blogging for about eighteen years, I want a bit more variety in what I post on here; trying to write something in prose every day, however short, gets a little waring. I also think that sort of visual blog entry can make certain points more explicitly. Memes are therefore the way to go. Creating them may take me a bit of time, and I’m still only an amateur at it, but I enjoy the challenge.

I think I mentioned on here a few weeks ago that my brother Luke had kindly given me a subscription to Disney Plus as a christmas present. It was a lovely gift, and I’ve been watching all kinds of things on it. This morning, though, during the weekly family Skype chat, Luke asked me whether I had watched The Mandalorian yet. To my little brother’s great surprise and exasperation, I answered that I hadn’t, but this morning I wasn’t really able to articulate my reasons for not being interested in the Disney-produced Star Wars spin off. Allow me to do so now.

I think I’ve written here before that Star Wars, as a franchise, no longer has my interest or respect. The first trilogy of films are great; they work well, telling the story of Luke Skywalker and his friends as they rebel against the evil Empire. The second trilogy of films, released in the late nineties and early noughties, felt a little more tacky and childish, involving the character who we knew would become the antihero of the franchise racing tie fighters. Yet it has been argued that, together, these six films could be said to comprise the tragedy of Anikin Skywalker: that is, they tell a coherent, overarching story depicting Skywalker’s rise and fall. The franchise should have been left at that.

Now though, it’s being added to with lots of peripheral series which apparently have little to do with the original story save for being set in the same fictional universe. Forgive me, but that just feels like Disney are tagging on things for the sake of it: they know Star Wars is a popular franchise which makes money, so they’re squeezing it for all it’s worth. I also get the sense that Lucasfilm doesn’t want Star Wars’ cultural position to slip: they know it was once an extremely popular, venerated franchise occupying a unique position in popular culture. Yet that position has now been usurped by franchises like Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings. Star Wars has been forced off the cultural pedestal it once occupied, and I get the impression that George Lucas and his friends are desparate not to let it slip. They therefore keep adding to their creation, trying to keep it current and not let it fade into cultural history, all the while draining away artistic and narrative coherence with every addition. The result is a jumbled cliched mess, churned out by big American corporations in order to make money, which I have very little interest in watching. So Luke, before you accuse me of snobbery, please know that there are valid reasons why I don’t watch The Mandalorian.

With that, I’m off to check out the latest episode of Star Trek Discovery 😛

The Guardian is reporting that Simon Rattle, lead conductor of the London Symphony Orchestra, has decided to apply for German citizenship due to Brexit. ”The Liverpool-born musician lamented the barriers thrown up by Britain’s departure from the European Union to the careers of young musicians who had grown used to performing freely to the continent’s music-hungry public.” I must confess I recognise Rattle best from this part of the 2012 Olympic Closing Ceremony, but, rather more seriously, stories like this raise the rather disturbing prospect of Brexit causing an intellectual and creative drain on the country. Artists like Rattle no longer see the UK as the open, tolerant society where creativity is fostered that it once was, so they are leaving in search of more welcoming, progressive places. They also no longer have the freedom to work anywhere in the EU without needing a visa that they had before 2016. Rattle may just be one of the first, but he certainly won’t be the last unless we do something to reverse the stupidity which is Brexit.

Why oh why do we have to put up with morons like this running the country? Rees-Mogg may think he’s superior to the rest of us because he speaks with a plumy accent, but he’s clearly an idiot.

I’m still a huge Monty Python fan, of course, but one of the often forgotten aspects of classic python is Terry Gilliam’s wonderful animation. Gilliam is now a renowned director, but I think it’s worth remembering he started his career making fantastic stream-of-conscious cut-out animations whose artistic impact is arguably still felt. With that in mind, I think this fascinating little 1974 video about how Gilliam made his videos is worth a watch. If nothing else, it’s a nice little distraction for a bleak Thursday afternoon.

I’ve heard it said recently, more than once, that Boris Johnson is the kind of person who waits to see which way a crowd is running, before running in front of it and shouting ”Follow me!” The charlatan did it again at PMQs earlier in an attempt to rewrite facts which was almost Trumpian. Kier Starmer was rightly criticising the Tory scumbag for not supplying enough food for schoolchildren during lockdown. It’s obvious that the buck stops with the government: if they funded the catering services correctly, people like Marcus Rashford wouldn’t need to campaign to get children adequately fed. Yet to hear Johnson speak, it was all the mean, nasty catering services fault, and he was fighting alongside Rashford to try to get the poor, hungry children fed.

I’m sorry, but I find such hypocrisy sickening. Johnson’s flagrant attempt to rewrite obvious facts and frame himself alongside a man who is fast becoming a national hero makes my blood boil with rage. Kids are going hungry during lockdown because of Tory Meanness alone; if they funded and supported the catering organisations properly, this wouldn’t be a problem. Yet Johnson is doing what he’s always done: claim to be a champion of the oppressed, poor and weak, while in fact only caring about himself. As long as he looks good, others can starve for all that vain asshole cares; and if they do start to starve, he’ll never accept responsibility. He is a self-centred, opportunistic, hypocritical disgrace second only to Trump in my revulsion: neither scumbag should have ever been allowed anywhere near government.

I’m currently feeling fairly pleased with myself. A while ago – I’ve forgotten exactly how – I got in touch with Christian Keathley, the American academic whose work my Master’s is broadly based upon. I emailed him a copy of my thesis and he said he enjoyed it, and we began to occasionally exchange emails and ideas. A few weeks ago, I decided to email him with a few of my recent ideas about how to develop my thesis: I know I finished my MA over six years ago, but it’s subject, cinephilia, still interests me, and it feels like the concepts I wrote about could be developed. The love of film and it’s manifestations seemed to be developing rapidly, especially online, but I didn’t know whether anyone else had picked up on that and started to theorise it. I thought I’d bite the bullet and ask Dr. Keathley what he thought, and a couple of weeks ago he kindly replied, suggesting two books he thought I might be interested in.

With my parents help (thanks Mum and Dad!) I managed to get hold of the two volumes of one of them, and sat down to read it after breakfast this morning. I usually just read things on my computer these days so I was a little out of practice turning pages; I also often get the screen reader to read things aloud to me, so the going was rather slow. Yet quite soon I found myself immersed in the subject of my thesis again: it all came flooding back. More to the point, I recognised in the book, published two or three years ago, many of the same ideas I had spoken about in my thesis. Others had obviously come to the same conclusions I had in my MA, which is enormously reassuring. Of course, this book goes much further than I did: Cinephilia in the Age of Digital Reproduction is evolving rapidly, and I have a lot of interesting new material to get into.

I spent about three hours reading this morning, and even then didn’t finish the introduction. It was slow going, but even so felt good to reacquaint myself with concepts which still intrigue me. What is it about film we love? How do we express that love? I’m not sure where I’ll go with this, but, having kept my own personal writing up it will hopefully help me develop my own ideas. And who knows: this could eventually lead to my reentry into academia.

Are fictional characters ever truly dead? I just came across this Guardian article about Rowan Atkinson no longer wanting to play Mr. Bean, and Sasha Baron Cohen being bored of playing Borat. As the article itself says, it’s not hard to see where both men are coming from. Atkinson has been playing Bean since I was young, and there’s only so far you can go with a mute, slapstick clown. As we know from programs like Blackadder, Atkinson has much more to say; the same applies to Baron Cohen. At the same time, though, I don’t think you can rule anything out these days. Everyone thought we had seen the last of Monty Python in 1988, only for them to get back together in 2014. I think the most awesome thing about art is that you can never rule anything out, so when their creators say Mr. Bean and Borat have been laid to rest, who knows where that might lead? After all, we have heard others make similar statements before.

It might be slightly on the long side, but I think this New York Times article, contextualising events in Washington this week, is worth a read. I’m sure most people will be as astonished as I was by what happened there: after all, you would expect the seat of American government to be one of the most secure buildings in the world, especially after 9/11. But, as the article explains, American society is deeply, frighteningly divided. Even after Trump goes, the wounds his four years in office are going to take years to heal. When you start playing around with what is real or true, disputing the outcome of an election just because it didn’t go your way, things start to get dangerous.

I received a late christmas present yesterday. Serkan had noticed the trouble I have brushing my teeth, so yesterday evening a parcel arrived containing a strange teeth-cleaning device. It’s a moulded rubber semicircle attached to a motor. You put toothpaste on it, put it into your mouth and it vibrates to clean your teeth. I was in two minds about it at first, but this morning during my shower we gave it a try. I must say I’m impressed – it beats arsing around with toothbrushes no end! It just took around thirty seconds, and didn’t feel that unpleasant; yet my teeth now feel cleaner than they have in ages. Whether it will incentivise me to clean my teeth a bit more often of course remains to be seen – other, more interesting things just seem to get in the way – but cool little gizmos like this certainly give it more appeal.

I was just starting to wonder where to even begin to blog about the obvious subject of today’s entry, but I have just come across something far cooler and more cheerful. After their live shows of 2014, I assumed we had seen the last of Monty Python. Of course, I still count seeing those guys perform live with Lyn that night as one of the greatest events of my life. Yet it would seem we haven’t quite seen the last of Python – not quite anyway. According to this variety article among others, Paramount are now making a film adaptation of Spamalot. Details seem quite sketchy as yet, but Eric Idle has been working on a screenplay. This news cheers me up no end: it might not be the announcement of another live stage show a la 2014, but anything to do with the greatest comedy troupe ever piques my interest. It’s also news of a forthcoming film, so that gets me interested too. It will be interesting to see how they adapt it. After all, basing a film on a stage musical which was itself adapted from a film is rather weird when you think about it – you could almost call it Pythonesque.

Just to follow up on yesterday’s entry, I got an email from the NHS last night to say that I’m perfectly fine and don’t have COVID. Serkan received the same message. At the same time, the news was unexpected and quite a relief. Of course, with the country entering another lockdown, it doesn’t change much: I still can’t really go anywhere, and there’s nowhere open to go to if I could. Nonetheless it’s reassuring to get the news that we’re both bug free.

I’ve had a bit of a cough recently, so yesterday Serkan and I decided to go get tested for coronavirus. It seemed to make sense, as at least then we could be sure we didn’t have anything more dire than the normal little coughs I get from time to time. It meant a short, these days rare, bus ride to Plumstead, serkan following on his bike. It was a quick, straightforward process involving little sticks being rammed up my nose, and we’re expecting the results to arrive soon. Nothing to worry about really, but I just wanted to note it for one thing: while on the testing site, in a tent set up on a car park, I had to wear a surgical mask like everyone else. It was my first real experience of wearing a mask because I’m usually exempt, and I now know why. That thing was a pain in my arse! It got soaked with dribble almost immediately, and was constantly slipping down over my mouth and chin so that I was forever trying to pull it back up over my mouth and nose. Within five minutes I couldn’t wait to take it off. After so many months of not having to wear one I now see why some people are so resistant to them. Mind you, other people don’t dribble so their masks don’t get so infuriatingly damp; and they don’t have to stop driving their powerchairs every few metres in order to pull their mask back up.

As I wrote here yesterday, I haven’t been having many absences recently. I’m pretty sure at least part of the reason for that is the fact I take a daily vitamin pill. They have been a part of my daily routine for ages, accompanying my breakfast just as much as my morning coffee. That isn’t to say that my diet might otherwise be low on vitamins, but I think it’s good to make sure I’m topped up in that department. Of course, a result of that is that I feel fit and perky in general: I feel strong and well, and seem to stave off bugs and colds fairly quickly. That, of course, makes me wonder whether this could have had an effect on my reaction to Coronavirus: here I am living in an epic metropolis during a global pandemic, with infection rates rising to worrying levels, but so far, touch wood, I seem to have fought it off. Naturally that’s just speculation, but nonetheless it’s all the more reason to keep taking my vitamins.

Mind you, another consequence of those pills is that they cause my beard to grow. That isn’t much of a problem until you have a few days worth of itchy stubble, your PA is about to give you a much-needed shave, and you realise that you have forgotten to buy shaving foam.

It’s not really worth noting here, but I just checked the log I keep of my absences, and I just had ten in the whole of 2020. The vast majority of them were mild, and I often had long periods when I didn’t have any. I’m quite pleased with that – they currently seem to be behaving their selves. I know it’s not much to blog about, but at least I have something good to say about last year.

I just came across this rather sad news that ”Irish Eurovision singer and frontman of the rock band Bagatelle, Liam Reilly, has died aged 65” and was pondering making some sort of crude joke about elves being mortal after all – an obscure reference to a pronouncement my dad made one Eurovision night over twenty years ago, having had one too many rums. However, I decided to look up Reilly’s entry into the contest, and what I found was oddly pertinent: Somewhere in Europe is a rousing anthem of European unity. Containing the lyrics:

It’s been a long time since we were together
I’m back in Ireland and I miss you more than ever
In early spring we parted and I’ve been here since then
But if I could only see you once again

It’s obviously about Ireland, but I daresay it could easily be adapted into a theme for the UK Remain/Return movement. With lines like ”Meet me in Paris on a Champs Élysées night / We could be in Rome again, ‘neath the Trevi fountain light” it would remind us us of the glories of Europe, and what we have so foolishly lost.

Open any history book and you will probably find it full of narratives about one group of people fighting another: of disputes between countries or cultures so profound that they go to war with one another. Wars in which thousands if not millions of people died. I have believed for a long time that the only way to avoid such conflicts is for humanity to come together and work as one. We need to stop seeing ourselves as members of different groups and see ourselves as human: hugely, fantastically varied, but all equal. That is the only way to end the tribalist, nationalist disputes of the past. The European Union is a body which worked towards that goal: an organisation which spanned a continent, bringing people together, guaranteeing them their rights, and making sure the conflicts of the past were not repeated.

For the United Kingdom to have left that body is nothing but an act of historic vandalism. Brexit is nothing but a crime perpetrated by liars and charlatans, voted for and backed by nationalist halfwits too stupid to see the big picture. It was always about stripping us of our human and consumer rights, safeguarded by the EU, so we can be exploited by capitalists more easily. Things will now get far harder and nastier. Brexit turns the UK into an inward-looking, nationalistic irrelevance refusing to cooperate with it’s neighbours, like a spoiled brat in a playground refusing to play with the other, more mature, children.

I find the fact I am now forced to live in such a society sickening. I want to live in an open, tolerant, multicultural world, working together with our neighbours, but that dream has been stolen from me by bigots too stupid to see past petty national divisions. To them, the human rights the EU safeguarded got in their way; they can now be done away with, opening the door to the cruelty and persecution of the most sickening form of capitalism. That such selfish, arrogant embarrassments to human civilisation now have their way makes my blood boil with rage. The stupidity that is Brexit must not, can not, be allowed to stand.

At about this point every year or so, I often like to post a summary of everything that happened in a particular year, just to round it off. Years like 2012, 2014 and 2017 were particularly awesome and needed recapping. This year, though, I find myself struggling to find even one positive thing to say. It has been a downright miserable year for everyone, to be honest: I haven’t done anything or been anywhere nice; it was mostly spent either here at home, or trundling around South-East London. And as I’ve said before, Lyn’s death in April was a blow I doubt I’ll ever get over.

I suppose the only good thing about this otherwise wretched year was having Serkan around. When he moved in in February it was only supposed to be temporary, but as the year wore on and the pandemic grew worse, it made more and more covid sense for him to stay. I frankly don’t know what I would have done without his company or support: being here alone most of the time would have been unbearable. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank him from the bottom of my heart.

I think I need to thank my parents too. Of course I haven’t physically met mum and dad in months, but we now chat every morning over the web. They’re usually just brief, simple calls just to check up on each other – I think they just want to make sure I’m still alive and haven’t done anything too stupid – but it’s reassuring to know they’re looking out for me.

I suppose it just goes to show that, even in the bleakest of years, you can still find positive things to say. I’d like to end this entry on a high note, and assure everyone that 2021 will be much better than 2020. But I don’t think I can: it looks like the pandemic isn’t going anywhere, and Brexit is going to make things even harder and nastier. The truth is I don’t feel very optimistic at the moment. Then again, if life has taught me anything, it is never to rule anything out: something incredible could be just around the next corner.

As incandescently furious and exasperated as I am at what is happening politically today – and the Brexit battle isn’t over, not by a long shot – I think, just for perspective, I’ll just direct everyone here. Sometimes we just need to chill out a bit, and be reminded of our place in this amazing and expanding universe.

Whenever life gets you down, Mrs.Brown
And things seem hard or tough
And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft
And you feel that you’ve had quite enough

Just remember that you’re standing on a planet that’s evolving
And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour
That’s orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it’s reckoned
A sun that is the source of all our power.

I won’t go into much detail about it here, but I rolled home this lunchtime to discover that I have been blocked from posting anything on Facebook for three days. Basically I posted the meme I made yesterday onto an anti-Brexit Facebook group, and needless to say it caused quite a stir. Most of the responses were favourable it must be said, but a few people took offence. One particularly stupid blonde woman demanded the post be deleted, and when I defended myself things became increasingly shirty and she reported me. Needless to say I’m not happy, and have lodged an appeal with Facebook. That she had the gall to accuse me of bullying her when she was the one completely out of line only adds insult to injury.

I realise that the comparison I drew yesterday might not be to everyone’s taste, and for some it might go too far. Yet I think it’s time for the gloves to come off; we need to make people realise the potential consequences of what is now happening in the uk. All our rights now stand to be eroded. Yesterday I attempted to show people the potential destination of our country’s current course, albeit in a particularly emotive way, but it seems some people can’t accept that.

I put this together this afternoon. I know it may be a bit emotive and controversial, but to be honest I think that was the point. Of course I know nobody’s lives are under direct threat as a consequence of brexit, but the rights of people, especially people with disabilities, now stand to be eroded as British society becomes far more self-centred and neoliberal. I’m now genuinely concerned for my ability to, say, use public transport or even live independently. Sometimes you need to be provocative to make people think.

Maggie Simpson was a baby when I first watched the Simpsons in the mid nineties. I hadn’t watched an episode in years, until earlier today when I decided to try out the subscription to Disney plus Luke got me for Christmas (thanks bro!) by watching the first episode of the latest season. The program was as amusing as I remembered it being, packed with all the contemporary cultural references it has always had. Yet what struck me as strange was the fact that Maggie was still a baby, and none of the characters had aged at all from when I first encountered them, despite the program still feeling very contemporary. As I began to explore a couple of years ago here, this is obviously only possible because program is a cartoon; the cast would have visibly aged had The Simpsons been live action. Yet it is odd to see characters we have known for about thirty years seemingly occupying the perpetual present. In the episode I watched earlier, for instance, there were references to YouTube, a website which didn’t exist when the show first aired; yet the characters speaking about it were the same age they were thirty years ago when they were referencing things like Bill Clinton being president. To put that another way, I find it strange to think that, were the Simpsons a real family, Maggie would have grown up, graduated from university and got her own family by now; yet she still sucks the same red dummy that she did when we first ‘met’ her. Only a program like The Simpsons can constantly comment on the contemporary world, using the same set of unageing characters.

My Christmas day was rather quiet yesterday. It was very different to any I have spent before. I’m glad Serkan was here, or it would have been very lonely indeed. We enjoyed each other’s company, and I think he liked the fluorescent cycle jacket I gave him. I took a roll over to Charlton in the afternoon, just to pay my respects to Lyn’s place. There’s currently no grave I can visit, so passing by the old bungalow every now and again seems a good way to keep my memories alive. The highlight of my day, though, were the group chats I had with my family and extended family over webcam: it was great to speak to everyone all over the world. As pleasant as that was, needless to say I’m already really looking forward to one of my mum’s Christmas dinners next year.

Is it my imagination, or hasn’t her majesty cheered up over the years?

I have now decided upon my New Year’s resolution: learn how to clean my own glasses. For some reason, whenever I try to clean them, they always end up dirtier than when I started. The problem is, poor old Serkan seems to be getting fed up of me asking him to clean them several times a day, so there must be some way for me to clean them myself. After all, how hard can it be compared to, say, doing a Masters or living in one of the world’s greatest metropolises during a global pandemic?

It interests me to read today that the comedian Eddie Izzard has elected to use the pronouns ‘she’ and ‘her’ from now on. On the one hand, this is an incredibly bold move which is to be welcomed and celebrated. I have long thought that society should be more open to and welcoming of this form of gender diversity. Yet another, perhaps more cynical part of me, is just a tad concerned that this might just be another instance of the kind of cultural usurpation I sometimes write about on here. As I know from my former partner, being transgender is a serious psychological process; transpeople often go through severe trauma, including years of hormone replacement, to become who they always believed themselves to be. These days, though, the idea of transitioning between genders seems to be taken more and more flippantly, as if the idea of being trans is fashionable; or that gender is no more fundamental to a person’s identity than a game to be played by swapping pronouns. In the article, I note that there is no mention of Izzard starting to take hormones or having gender reassignment surgery; merely that she wants to use female pronouns from now on. I also note that she still seems happy to be known as Eddie. While that choice has to be respected, it feels to me a long way from the profound life changing decision of transitioning. To be honest there is a kind of flippancy to it, as if it was more motivated by politics than anything more innate. She says she has boy and girl ‘modes’ – well, don’t we all? As I wrote here, I sometimes dress up and have a fascination with womanhood, but I’m perfectly comfortable with my pronouns as they are. It seems to me that surely the politics of gender are too serious to be played around with, yet more and more people seem to be doing so.

On one level, of course, such a decision simply has to be accepted, before we all give ourselves permission to start judging everyone else. Yet on another level, this strikes me as one more example of a hitherto straight, white able bodied person feeling embarrassed of their relatively privileged cultural position and seeking entrance into a minority. That might be fine, but it just seems to me to steal something from those for whom being transgender is far more profound and painful.

Many readers probably won’t find this as interesting or amusing as I do, but anyway…

I just came across this video on Facebook, and it intrigued me enough to want to flag up here. It’s a clip from 1981 of a man doing rhythmic gymnastics dressed as a woman. It’s clearly supposed to be a piss-take, but it soon becomes obvious how much skill the guy actually has. ‘Pauletta’ Hunt is wearing quite a tight purple leotard, and flips and falls like a clown, but beneath that, if you look at the guy’s actions, it is clear he’s a very skilled gymnast. I suspect he was trying to highlight the overt sexuality of rhythmic gymnastics, but I think this warrants looking into a little deeper.

It’s really awesome to know that, even in such mucked up, chaotic times, there are still some constants we can rely upon. Not even a global pandemic, it seems, can hold back the greatest ever broadcaster. Sir David Attenborough will soon be appearing on our TV screens once again with a new series, Perfect Planet, focussing on humanity’s impact on the natural world. Filmed largely using drones, the series promises to transport us all to far flung corners of the globe, but also to give us an idea of the effect we’re all having upon it. To be honest I think it’s a little of what we could do with right now: after a year mostly stuck at home, I reckon we all need a glimpse of the exotic. Attenborough’s programs afford us an insight into life on earth we get from no other broadcaster. Yet what I find most staggering is that Sir David has been supplying us all with such fascinating glimpses for almost seventy years – since before my parents were born – and still shows no sign of stopping.

I just had a pretty pleasant afternoon. After bumping into Charlotte’s sister Poppy in February, we didn’t manage to meet up again, perhaps for obvious reasons. A couple of days ago though, I received a message from her suggesting we meet sometime this week. Of course I gratefully agreed, so this afternoon we had lunch together by the Cutty Sark at Greenwich. It felt good to see her and to just be doing something social again. Pops is doing well, working at an infant school in Eltham. Like me she loves life in the city, but can’t wait for thing to return to normal. Sat by the river, we talked about this and that over a beer and a sandwich. We began to make a few sketchy plans before the tIme came to part; yet sat there, a few glimmers of blue sky breaking through the clouds, it just felt good to meet someone I knew from before the world went haywire.

I certainly think something much more upbeat and positive is in order today, and this fascinating article fits the bill nicely. In it, Srinidhi Raghavan argues that simply viewing access issues as a matter for those with impairments limits our perspective. Better access to things like buildings can benefit everyone, not just disabled people. ”If we began to see access in society as a starting point to build from, it would benefit not just disabled folks but so many of us, both on the margins and at the centre. For instance, though ramps are meant to ease movement for wheelchair users and others, I know that dragging my suitcase through a ramp is much easier for me than carrying it up a flight of stairs.” I think that is a very good point indeed; one which, if acted upon, could make the world generally much more accommodating for everyone.

I suppose it isn’t just politics I get worked up about, although as I wrote a couple of days ago, it often makes me lose control. It has been a long, awful year, the likes of which I hope we never see again. Other than online, I haven’t seen family or friends in months; I have barely been anywhere. Most of all, Lyn’s death this year was a blow like no other. Even thinking about her these days is enough to trigger a maelstrom of emotion: pain, anger, regret, loss. The thought of that empty bungalow will haunt me always. Of course I try to keep my mind on other things, but every so often the fact that I’ll never see or speak to this wonderful, vibrant person, part of my daily life for a decade, again hits me like a pain worse than any other. On top of everything else, that simple fact is for me what is so fucked up about this year, yet it amplifies my fury at all the other things to a point where my frustration goes beyond words. I think that’s why I get so worked up about things like politics. Lyn and people like her put up with so much; if only the self-entitled, arrogant scumbags running the country had a fraction of her patience, humility and wisdom.

I couldn’t agree more.

My rages are currently worse than ever, at least where Brexit is concerned. I have mentioned my rages on here before: momentary spasms of white hot anger when I just seem to loose all control of myself. Apparently such emotional outbursts are common in people with athetoid cerebral palsy, but these days whenever a Brexiteer appears on the news, I just feel an intense, absolute fury the likes of which I have never felt before. These selfish, lying disgraces to humanity would rob me of everything I hold dear, and for a moment I begrudge them every breath they draw into their worthless chests. They stand counter to everything I see as good in the world – peace, unity, equality, tolerance – and seek to establish a world of division and greed, where the few are given free reign to lord it over the many, the strong are allowed to persecute the weak, and people are judged simply by where they come from or what they look like. I loathe their arrogance and selfishness with all my heart, and I seem to loose control for a moment. It got so bad earlier, I was so visibly angry, that it scared Serkan; yet whenever I see any of these selfish scumbags speak all I feel is intense, raw fury. My body shakes with rage, and I just want them to shut the fuck up and keep their baseless, xenophobic opinions to theirselves. I know I shouldn’t get like that, and that it probably looks stupid, but at the moment such arrogant, lying scumbags seem to be getting their moronic way, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.