I just read this bit of background on the bbc website, just to bring myself up to date on all the kerfuffle about Hillary Clinton’s emails, and I burst out laughing. What the hell is all the fuss about?! She just got sloppy and used the wrong email account. It’s a blunder, but hardly criminal. Yet to hear trump talk about it, you would think she had put america in mortal peril. Hoq stupid does Trump think americans are? Is it not blindingly obvious that, behind in the polls, he is trying to make a mountain out of a tiny, irrelevant mole-hill? If I were american, I’d frankly feel insulted to be so patronised: he is clearly trying to fool people into thinking Clinton is some sort of enemy of the state, and using the most base, juvenile, transparent showmanesque tactics to do it. Is this what really passes for American politics these days? Really!?

I just came across something suggested on a Remainer facebook group I read, which I find pretty worrying. I’m not sure how serious it was, but someone suggested we should now have a way to differentiate between those who voted leave and those who wanted to remain, such as wrist bands. As angry as I am about the outcome of the referendum, this scares me. How anyone else voted is none of mine or anyone else’s business. It seems indicative of a worrying trend in our society: we are beginning to divide ourselves into two camps, drifting further and further away from each other. Right now it may be just a joke, but the trend is a serious concern: before we know it, we could have something resembling a civil war. I may be overreacting, but I’m starting to read worrying trends in what people are now saying in relation to the referendum’s outcome.

I think I should flag this video up by Zach Anner. Called ‘A Tribute to Badass Moms’ (sic), anner draws our attention to the role of the mother in current US sitcom Speechless. He makes the point that, as shown in the program, the parents of disabled children often have to be fighters. They are usually told by social workers and teachers that their children won’t be able to learn like other kids; their expectations are deliberately kept low. Parents have to push hard against that if they want their children to have the education they deserve. My parents had to; this is an experience they share. The special school I went to could tell I was fairly bright, yet made no effort to push me. It was only due to the stubbornness of my parents that I got proper GCSEs, then did my A-Levels, then went to uni. Had it not been for them, zark knows where I’d now be. Thus I echo what Anner is saying here; it’s good to see this show playing tribute to parents like ours.

I for one think this news that the work capability assessment is to be overhauled is broadly to be welcomed. I’ve lost track of the number of stories I’ve read of how brutal that assessment was. People were told they were fit for work, had their disability benefits slashed and forced to find jobs after only the most superficial of assessments. Of course, most people with disabilities want to work; we want to be productive, valuable members of society. But the system as it was was inhumane it had even drawn criticism from the united Nations. At least the new system claims it will take one’s personal circumstances into account: ”Ministers want claimants to be assessed in a more ‘targeted and personalised’ way to help more people find jobs.” Some welcome news, then, although whether the Tories make good on these nice promises as ever remains to be seen.

I think I’ve just fallen back in love with my oldest filmic interest. Ahead of possibly watching the third film, I thought I’d give the first two Ghostbusters films a watch. I can’t have seen them for about twenty-five years, since childhood. I want to see how the third film compares to the originals. What I just found myself watching, then, was a great little comedy: one rife with wit and cynicism, but not without pathos. Although it’s supposed to be pastiche, there is some great acting in both films, and the characters and themes aren’t without weight. For example Peter, played by Bill Murray, is a bit of a smarmy little slimeball, yet it is still good to see him in a happy relationship in the end. If anything, I found the second better than the first. I just watched it on Youtube, and thought I saw some nods to cult horror films, and directors like Hitchcock. It’s also a great love letter to New York. How the third film stands up to the first two remains to be seen for me, but truth be told, I’m not holding my breath.

Every now and again, I like to take a glance through my blog archive. I take considerable pride in the fact that I’ve now kept it up for well over a decade now, and intend to continue for as long as possible. For some reason, I take great joy in revealing to the world what I’m thinking and doing. Earlier I discovered that a decade ago today I wrote this entry, about seeing a guy on campus wearing a Timmy Tee shirt and being a strange combination of offended and jealous. I’m not sure I would react so strongly now. For the most part, I think I just wanted one.

To continue the story, I got one in the end. If memory serves, I think my brother Luke got me one for my next birthday. It was my pride and joy for a while: I wore it with great glee around campus, relishing the irony of being a disabled person wearing a shirt with a picture of a character intended to take the piss out of disabled people. I wasn’t supposed to enter in to the joke myself: ‘Special’ was a term of abuse; I wasn’t supposed to use it on myself.

But then, sadly, it went missing. I haven’t seen that shirt since I moved in with Lyn. i don’t think she really approved of it, anyway. It’s a shame, because that was a cool shirt. South Park is not quite so current any more, though, so I suppose it’s just as well. Nevertheless, I still wonder where it went, and whether it will ever turn up.

Would you believe that, despite professing to be a Tolkien fan, like many fans of Tolkien I’ve never read The Silmarilllion. I’ve started it a few times, but the prose was so dense and laborious that I always abandoned the effort after a few pages. A few days ago, however, I decided to put that right, but rather than getting the book out, I wondered if there was an audiobook on Youtube I could listen to. I found one, so for the last few days I’ve been listening to it, a bit at a time. I’ve always found listening to rather than just reading Tolkien’s work adds something to it: since my dad read The Lord Of The Rings to me when I was young, I’ve loved the sound of the words he uses, especially when delivered in a deep, authoritative voice. Thus, not only have I been finally getting to grips with the elder days of Numenor and the creation of Arda, but I have also been lapping up the rich language of one of it’s masters.

I just got back from a lovely coffee with Charlotte, Will and a couple of her friends up at the o2. She invited me to join them there a few days ago, and, the o2 being a short, pleasant walk along the river away, there was no reason for me not to join them. It was splendid to see my old university friend: C is doing really well, and seems in fine health. She commented how well I look now I’ve stopped drinking – I certainly feel far, far healthier. Mind you, she was a bit surprised at how much coffee I drink these days.

The meeting ended all too soon. She had somewhere to go, and I was eager to get back here to see my love. When I’ll see her next is anyone’s guess. Next year marks ten years since we graduated: I can barely believe that it is now almost a full decade since those heady, undergraduate days of discos, drink and house parties. At one and the same time, it seems both like yesterday, and a lifetime ago. I’m just glad things like Facebook allow me to keep in easy contact with my old friends; and that, from time to time, we can still hook up for a coffee.

While a lot of the comments to it really tick me off – it seems outists can’t handle the fact that they were fooled so easily – I’d like to flag this LSE article up. In it, Adrian Low looks at the polling data for the referendum and argues that it cannot be said to reflect the will of the people. Whether such arguments are a case of sore losing or not, they are certainly worth considering. As much as I acknowledge that democracy must be respected, nonetheless as one who passionately believes Brexit is a con sold to us by lies intended to push this country towards nationalism, this adds to my conviction it must be stopped. Next time anyone tries to tell me brexit is the will of the people, I can tell them it isn’t.

Believe it or not, I’m currently seriously considering resitting A-level psychology. I first attempted it fifteen years ago, aged eighteen. I was just out of special school and utterly unprepared for that type of academic thinking. Needless to say, I didn’t do well: the various different approaches confused me; I naively expected facts, and did not like how speculative and ambiguous the discipline was. I was lucky to scrape an E. The irony is, when I then went on to study sociology, I found it much easier, as psychology had prepared me. By then I could think in a much more scientific way.

In the last few days, I’ve been pondering going back to it. I’m pretty sure what once confused me would probably now fascinate me. Human behaviour has always intrigued me. Now I know a bit more of academia, and about how science functions as a discourse, I find myself yearning to go back. I know there’s no reason why I can’t pick up a few books and start teaching myself, but that E still hangs over me. It would be great to learn more about human behaviour, of course, but I also want to exorcise a bit of a failure in my past. I want to prove to myself that I do understand, and I can do it. Whether I’ll actually act on this idea remains to be seen; part of me worries that I’ll be just as confused as I was the first time. And then there’s the question of where – would a nearby college allow me to study it again? At the moment this is just an idea, but I think that studying psychology a bit more would hold a lot of benefits for me.

As the proud employer of four immigrants as personal assistants, I will be proud to take part in the day of action detailed here. Intended to highlight the contribution migrants make to the UK, on February 20 next year there will be a nationwide event calling attention to what migrants do for this country. Of course, this is a response to the appalling rise in xenophobia in this country post brexit. We must send a message that discrimination is never justified, and show how much we all now rely on immigrants and their labour.

Thank zark for people like Ken Loach. As our media grows ever more right wing, Loach has criticised the bbc for no longer standing up for minorities and the poor. It is no longer objective.”The BBC is very aware of its role in shaping people’s consciousness; this is the story you should hear about, these are the people worth listening to. It’s manipulative and deeply political.” Mind you, given that there are just as many people who accuse the bbc of having a left wing bias as having a right wing one, you could conclude it must be fairly objective.

I told myself to calm down a bit today and to not get so political, so I think I’ll just direct you to this quite interesting, if slightly oddly presented, video on religion and possible racism in Lord of the Rings. It briefly discusses Tolkien’s take on race, and how the different peoples of Middle Earth could be seen as stereotypical representations of human cultures. As troubling as I find it to see one of my favourite authors cast as a racist, I must say I find it a perfectly valid point, and worth considering when it comes to Tolkien. So much for not getting so political today.

Is it my imagination or are the buffoons of ukip trying tto wind people up? Online, their supporters seem to be trying to rub our noses in it, posting videos with titles like ”Jacob Reese-Mogg schools idiotic Ken Clarke on brexit”, or starting a campaign to get farage knighted. It’s as if they’re deliberately trying to stir people up, or at least gain attention. It’s typical troll behaviour; very, very juvenile. Mind you, they could be thinking the same thing, especially given how frequently outists are now depicted as stupid in the media.

Two or three days ago I came across a guardian article about how one particularly buffoonish tory right-winger wanted to make it an act of treason to propose reentering the EU. Of course, reading that saw my fly into quite a rage. How could these people be so arrogant, so fascist? It was as if they are now trying to control how we think now. Yet once I calmed down and thought it through, what this person was saying was quite telling. Firstly, he was obviously after attention; he said it to get in the paper and provoke a reaction. But, if you think about it, it actually gives the game away. It shows that they know full well that, pretty soon, people will start regretting June’s decision; once the shit hits the fan, everyone will want to go back in to the EU. It’s already beginning to happen. The fact that they’re already trying to prevent that demonstrates they know it is inevitable. (of course, saying it amounts to treason just shows how arrogant they are – to disagree with them is a crime against the country, apparently). It shows us just how insecure they are: people must not be allowed to even think about reversing this decision, upon pain of death; for the moment we do so, their ill-won victory evaporates like the sham it is.

Thus what this neo-kipper has done lets the cat out of the bag. He was seeking attention, but it shows us they know how bad things will soon get, and that people will shortly come to regret ever listening to their xenophobic lies.

I’m still having problems with the anger issues I noted here. In fact, they’re probably getting worse. It’s usually about politics: these days, whenever anyone just mentions brexit, ukip or the referendum, I fly into the most almighty rage. I tend to throw things out of all proportion, so that, rather than simply withdrawing from an international association of states, in my mind brexit becomes the deliberate prevention of world peace and the reassertion of hardline nationalism. That isn’t to say that I’m not actually angry about things: I’m genuinely furious about brexit, and fearful for the future. I just go too far in articulating it; things seem to just erupt, unstoppable, visceral and whuite-hot.

Last night it was about the american election: Lyn and Mitch were explaining how Clinton would be worse than trump, and I just couldn’t take it. I felt a flash of anger, started shouting and had to come here, into my office, to calm down. I should have heard them out, debated like an adult, but instead I behaved like a child. It was embarrassing; Lyn has the patience of a saint to put up with me sometimes. But then, I don’t think I can really help it: I’m told this could be connected to my brain damage, and that lots of people with cerebral palsy have similar issues. In which case, I can only thank Lyn and Mitch for their patience – they had a point about Hilary, and I meant no harm.

I just caught up with last night’s debate – at least the headlines – and think I now need to make something clear. Quite a bit is now being made about Trump saying that, if it doesn’t ho his way, he might not accept the poll result. Of course, this is very childish indeed; but then, I often say the same thing. I have great difficulty accepting the referendum result. The other day I put on twitter that the current popular slogan, Respect the Result, was ”a fascist demand masquerading as a democratic request.” I still have deep, deep issues with that result; yet as narrow as it was, and as much as part of me wants to refuse to do so, respect it I must. I know the poll wasn’t rigged. If it was going to be rigged, wouldn’t it have gone the other way? If the EU was the all-powerful, totalitarian juggernaut the conspiracy theorists make it out to be, surely they could have made sure the result went their way. And think what a fuss people like David Icke would now be making had we voted to stay in.

Thus, as guilty of it as I am, refusing to respect a result just because it doesn’t go your way is juvenile. While there is a case to be made that people were actively and knowingly mislead by the Leave campaign (where is the money you promised us for the NHS, Boris?), democracy is nevertheless democracy. For trump to say what he said last night, as if he thinks some huge conspiracy might prevent him from becoming president, surely shows the true calibre of this vile little man.

At last my first ‘proper’ film is finished, so it is with enormous pride and pleasure that I direct (pun very much intended) you here. Working with the guys at Chocolate films these past few weeks has been an amazing experience, and I feel I have learned so much. We edited the film together on Monday afternoon, in a two hour session which blew my mind. My facilitator, Ross, was so expert with Final Cut Pro: watching him splice the film together from it’s component parts, then adding the required effects and music, made me fall in love with film and film-making all over again.

I couldn’t help thinking back to my university days, and all that time I spent thinking about whether film was a language. Yesterday, I decided, it is: what Ross was doing was using a form of language, constructing sentences and statements from it’s component parts, tailoring them to achieve the effect he wanted. Yet unlike ordinary writing, which I use so much and so often that it is now mundane, this to me was a brave new world, made up of thousands of other diverse, exciting elements. Here was a new way of expressing myself, of saying what I wanted to; one which opens the door to a thousand more possibilities. It whetted my appetite, and now I long to do more.

The resulting film, I think you’ll agree, is brilliant; at least, I’m very proud of it. I wrote it a few weeks ago: I decided what I wanted to say and how I wanted to shoot. Yet my script was quite rough: in reality, it all came together in the edit; that’s where the film was created. To watch that process on Monday afternoon captured my imagination, inspiring me. I’ve already bought and began to play with Final Cut Pro, for now I’ve seen what you can do with decent editing software, I’m dying to see what else I can make, what I can say, with this marvellous new form of communication.

I just came across this online petition, from which I infer some truly heartbreaking news: MMU Cheshire, the university campus I owe so much to, might be closing. MMU have apparently got a company in to look at it’s viability. Words cannot say how much that place means to me; it made me who I am, and it’s where I made most of my best friendships. The closure of the Alsager campus was bad enough, but for them to close the entire Cheshire faculty would mean the destruction of a very important part of my personal history, and that of many others. Please sign and share this petition.

While I must confess to feeling a tad jealous, I think I’ll flag this story up today. Australian journalist Marlena Katene has become the first person in the world with cerebral palsy to base jump. She jumped tandem from a building in Kuala Lumpur, and from the video, it looked like great fun. I know Marlena from facebook, and she is something of a rising star in the cp community. A base jump is something I would love to do – it might be even more fun than helicopter rides – but it seems I was beaten to it.

If, like me, you fancy just getting away from it all; if the current political situation is getting too much, and is pushing you closer and closer to madness; if you just need a break in a charming city, or at least want to watch a John Cleese narrated video about one in a great piece of Python I hadn’t seen before, then I think I’ll just direct you here. I warn you, though: watch out for those fucking gondolas!

I came across something yesterday which really sparked my interest. I’m not that much of a Harry Potter fan, but I was intrigued to learn that a new film, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, will soon be released. What interests me is the change in media: instead of writing a book first, JK Rowling is writing the script and it’s going straight to film. It strikes me that this changes the dynamic: potter is no longer a literary phenomenon, but a filmic one. It’s also pretty telling that these new films – there will be several – will be set in 1930s New York rather than somewhere around the contemporary uk; it’s as if rowling and Warner Brothers are trying to reorient the Potter franchise towards America. That’s why they’re going straight to film, as it’s much more amenable to americans. Rowling is obviously just going where the money is, and who can blame her? Yet one could also accuse her of selling out, deserting her origins as a novelist and letting her creation become the moneyspinner of a massive media corporation.

My opinion has done a 180 on Scottish independence. I used to oppose it for fear of nationalism and the meaningless re-erection of borders, but now the people of England have shown themselves to be so shortsighted, I can hardly blame the scots for wanting to stay part of the international community. In fact I fully support their ambition to stay part of the EU, and should they split from the UK to do so, I might seriously consider moving up there to join them.

You see, while I wrote here that, when you think about it, you don’t need to be in the EU to be part of the world, I still think that on another, more profound level, we have indeed cut ourselves off. We have told not just europe but the world that we don’t want to participate any more; that we think ourselves above everyone else’s rules. Culturally, this will have a huge impact: we’re already seeing it in the rise in xenophobia. Thus while nothing changed in june, everything did. We ceased to be the outward looking nation I love and became something wholly darker.

I adored this land for it’s culture: the land of Monty Python, London 2012, James Bond and a thousand other awesome things. But after june, this somehow stopped being that land any more. I keep trying to tell myself that we have only left a union of countries, so nothing has changed – such awesome things still exist – yet it doesn’t seem to work. This place does not feel free, open and liberal any more. Scotland seems to want to remain that kind of place, though, which is why I thoroughly support it’s ambition for independence.

Am I being manipulated? I frequently come on here and vent my anger at the outists, spewing all sorts of bile at what they and their lies have done. Usually it happens after I’ve seen or read something on the news, detailing something else going wrong. Yet it occurs to me that I may have fallen into a trap, and I’m supposed to get angry. It is possible that this is all part of a giant plan; that, with the help of the media, public opinion will eventually turn and we will rejoin the EU. Those who hold to such theories say that the union is behind all this, and it is a nefarious, all-powerful organisation intent on dominating our lives. To be honest, one has to concede that that is a possibility. Yet if that is so, it is just as possible that those who promote such theories also have ulterior motives: they could be the ones trying to manipulate us. They create elaborate conspiracy theories which might even sound left-wing; yet by convincing people the EU is evil, we walk straight into their rightwing trap, allowing our rights to be stripped from us etc. For instance I heard one internet radio presenter try to tell people not to worry, the European convention on human rights would be replaced with a British bill of rights, but surely he knew that one of the main reasons outists were campaigning to leave the e u was because the ehcr got in their way. I suppose it boils down to who you believe: someone is trying to manipulate us, but whom?

I fully and passionately support Gina Miller in her high court challenge to brexit. While I’ve been trying to come to terms with it, I don’t think I’ll ever fully support it. For me, being part of the EU is about the bigger picture: it’s about humanity outgrowing tribe and state to work together. The union might have had it’s faults, but it ensured us our rights – rights which are now at risk. Two months ago, the people of this country were lied to: they were fed bullshit by xenophobes, intent on turning this country into their capitalist playground. They wanted to be free to persecute us, unfettered by the safeguards of the EU. Given how quickly their lies began to unravel, it is clear the referendum result is not an accurate reflection of how people of this country feel. Moreover they are using the result as an excuse to turn this country into a place where racism and xenophobia are acceptable. Thus for the outists to try to invoke democracy, for them to cling to their slim, ill-gotten majority, for them to try to impose their views upon us while claiming it represents the will of the people, is an insult to democracy. While I don’t want to deprive anyone who voted leave of their right to hold a view, as far as I’m concerned the referendum result is void – it cannot stand, and I support any and all challenges to it.

This is quite a moment. Lyn and I just got back from a long lunch in the park to find a package waiting for me: my new keyboard. As I noted here, a while ago, I noticed my expanded keyboard starting to play up. Keys were either repeating, or not registering at all. At worst, whole sentences would be deleted before I could stop it. To begin with I thought it was something to do with the settings on my Mac, but I couldn’t find anything to put it right; the best I could do was get it to register one key press at a time, so I could stop it printing strings of letters. I then began to suspect it was the keyboard. After all, it is thirteen years old. I got it when I was at Macc college, and it has served me well: I wrote my A-level essays on it, then my Bachelor’s work, and then the 40,000 words of my master’s thesis. On top of that, the vast majority of my blog entries have been written on it. Thus, while most of the paint on the letters – especially the vowels – has been worn away, and one of the space keys is completely missing, I’ve grown rather attached to this old keyboard. Given the amount of stuff I’ve written on it, part of me is sad to see it go. It seemed only apt to compose this last blog entry on it, before swapping them over.

I think I better flag this Guardian article up today. I thoroughly agree with it, as alarming and disheartening as it is. It’s about how england is being remodelled an recast; being changed from an outward-looking, tolerant nation to one of xenophobia and paranoia. Post-Brexit, the country seems to have taken a nasty turn towards somewhere truly dark. I don’t like where we are now headed. Bigotry is becoming acceptable: it is lauded on the front pages of rags like the Express and Mail, and championed by scum like farage. The problem is, I don’t see how we can pull ourselves back from this point. How can we reclaim the green, pleasant, tolerant and outward-looking land this country should be?

How can the United States of America be even contemplating electing Donald Trump? I just watched the highlights of last night’s debate with growing astonishment: it was like I was watching a sketch from a satirical comedy show. Trump’s behaviour, for one, was horrifying. There are certain amounts of decorum and respect one expects from candidates – modes of behaviour which have become the norm. Yet Trump seems to think that such norms don’t apply to him, and that he is above them. Hence he interrupts, talks over people, and makes comments to the audience. I think that is his strategy, though: he seems to want to cast himself as an outsider; a person from outside the normal political sphere, for whom the normal rules do not apply. Thus he makes asides about everyone ganging up on him, as if to present himself as a victim, standing up to the elites.

Scratch the surface of this trickery, though, and it’s clear he’s woefully ill-equipped to lead the most powerful country on earth. Imagine that, if he was elected, Trump was to use the same tactics he used last night at the united nations or some other international forum? Talking over everyone, sneering, acting as though the rules did not apply to him. There would be total outrage. Last night, while Mrs. Clinton was trying to give more substantial answers to her questions, trump was talking over her, sneering, making comments, and generally behaving like a schoolboy. If he behaved like that when negotiating with international competitors, say Russia or China, and I despair to think what the consequences would be. Surely, then, America can’t be realistically contemplating electing this joke.

Huge congratulations are in order today for my old university friend Marcie and husband Mike, who are today celebrating the birth of their son Barnaby yesterday. I know they have been trying for a baby for some time, and it hasn’t always been easy, so I’m now thrilled for my dear old friend. I know she will make an amazing mother. I wish her, Mike and Barnaby all the happiness in the world; I can’t wait to see them.

Lyn and I had another great night last night. We were at the o2 to Jean-Michel Jarre, godfather of electronic music. When I saw the gig being advertised there a few months ago, I thought it would be great for Lyn to go see him – he is straight up her street musically. As for myself, I’ve always been a bit of a fan.

We got there in plenty of time, meeting Paul en route. At first I thought there would be empty seats, but these soon filled. The warm-up dj didn’t really impress me, but from the moment Jarre himself began to play, I was captivated. What took my breath away the most, though, were the visuals projected to the back of the stage: they were extraordinary, swirling images like nothing I had ever seen, timed to perfection with the music. And when the lasers began, it felt like all my Star Trek related dreams had come true.

In short, it was a great night, and well worth going. To hear Oxygene performed at the O2 (his line, not mine, but one I just had to steal) was awesome. The godfather of electronica puts on a great gig, and I’d thoroughly recommend going if you can.

I just watched the bbc lunchtime news. They ran a story on one ukip moron hitting another. Well, what do you expect from that bunch of thugs? They might laughably protest that such behaviour does not define their ‘party’ (they insist on calling it a party, although doing so mocks real political parties), but it tells us all we need to know about this group of half-brained xenophobes. Their lies brought us out of the eu, they got what they wanted. We should now leave these insults to humanity to their own devices; why should we give a fuck when one of those idiots hits another? That’s what thugs do – that’s all they know. It’s hardly national news.

When I was filling out the online forms to buy my greenday tickets yesterday, I noticed the site would suddenly go back to the beginning every few seconds for some reason. I couldn’t work out why, but it got very frustrating. I was being as quick as possible, yet I thought the site was timing out on me. This situation repeated several times, and I was getting quite angry. And then I realised: it was going back every time I hit the backspace/delete button. Oh the irony! After I was so pleased with myself for getting back the ability to use backspace to go back on chrome, the very issue google were trying to resolve by disabling that function cropped up.

Now I understand why they changed it. Oh well – I got there in the end, after I realised what was going on. I just won’t be so quick to dismiss such ‘fixes’ in the future.

It would seem that my pessimism in this entry was premature. Last night, just before heading to bed, I noticed the quite awesome news that Greenday would be playing hyde park next year. The venue might not be quite as convenient for us as the o2, but I thought it would be cool to try to get tickets. With any luck, it wouldn’t sell out quite so fast. Having learned the lesson from last time, I’m happy to say I just ordered two tickets for the wheelchair viewing platform from the comfort of my computer desk. The website didn’t give me an option of buying a third, for Lyn, but I’m hoping that can soon be rectified.

So there we have it: I’m going to see greenday! I have a feeling it is going to rule. I daresay some of this is in order!

Things are getting quite obscene politically. Although I’m trying to slowly come to terms with brexit, trying to justify why so many sensible people voted out (TTIP etc), part of me is still very angry about it. I still feel we have cut ourselves off from the world, and played straight into the hands of xenophobes like farage with their ‘us and them’ mentality. On top of that, we have a government intent on bringing back grammar schools, in so doing reinforcing class devision. The tories, for all their bullshit about ‘working for everyone’, won’t be happy until we’re back to a 1950’s status quo, the rich lording it over the poor. They seem to be becoming more aristocratic, more arrogant, and more unfair.

And where is labour in all this? Where are those with a sense of justice and fairness, who’ll stand up for those who cannot defend theirselves? Nowhere! Nowhere to be seen, squabbling amongst theirselves. It is heartbreaking, soul-destroying stuff. People like me are watching our country go to the dogs, descend into nationalistic irrelevance, and there’s nothing we can do about it but despair.

It has been a long, awesome afternoon working on the Londoners films – the second in a row. I cannot tell you how lucky I feel to have all of a sudden found myself working on this project: not only does it utilise the very art form I wanted to get into – film – it also focuses on the city, which also captivates me. Today we began the process of editing down the footage we shot last week in the park. It was pretty slow going, yet I found it exhilarating. At last I’m working on films; at last I’m part of a team, helping to create something. I’m using the art form I love to help create snap-shots of the metropolis, filmic fragments of London which, once online, will combine to form a portrait of the maelstrom. I love this project because it harks directly back to Walter Benjamin, echoing my love and fascination for the city. The brevity of each film reflects the fragmentation and alienating effect of city life benjamin wrote about; yet these films as a whole form a picture of life in london. As I wrote yesterday, it is thus precisely what I was looking for: a chance to get out and film, using the art form I love and have written so much about to contribute something quite fascinating. The good news today is, there’s a chance I will be able to continue working on it after the current films have been completed. I cannot believe my luck.

It has been quite an awesome afternoon.Although it began rather late – half two – I feel as though I’ve done a full day’s work. Today, filming began on my individual ‘Londoners‘ film, and I feel as though we got through quite a bit of it. I was rather ambitious when I wrote the script, it seems: it didn’t occur to me that setting scenes in several places would mean us trying to dart from Charlton to the cinema to Greenwich park in the space of a single afternoon, or how hard that would be.

Nonetheless, we had a good go at it, and only have the scene in Greenwich Park to finish off next week. Then it’s on to the editing, and before you know it I’ll have a cool little film to show everyone. My only concern is ‘then what?’ This project was precisely what I was looking for: a chance to make films. There must be some way for me to continue doing so after this project is over.

I think I’ll jus flag this blog entry by my mate Chris up because I think it is pretty sound. In it, Dr. Whitaker writes of his experience as a disabled man, and how he has been able to use that experience to contribute to various boards and schemes. For example, he writes of how, at university, he was able to point out to people how things could be improved in terms of accessibility. I’ve had similar experiences myself. Yet, as chris says, one must always be conscious not to allow ones self to become a token; a stand-in for all disabled people. ”To take my own impairment of cerebral palsy as an example, there are different types of CP and the degree to which it can impact on the lives of people who have it can vary enormously. This means that I always try to speak with care when talking about impairment, as I can only speak with authenticity about my own lived experience, and there will be many other different takes on things out there.” Thus he raises a very interesting point: to what extent can a disabled person speak on behalf of other disabled people. In the case of cerebral palsy, no two people are alike: CP effects everyone slightly differently. Our needs will therefore differ, calling into question the extent one can generalise. To take that a step further, though, it has implications for the old ”us and them” debate: given ‘we’ all have different needs and requirements, and one disabled person cannot necessarily speak on behalf of another, can we really be seen as a coherent group? If not, where does that leave disability politics and culture?

It gives me the greatest pleasure to announce that I am now an uncle for the second time. Elise Marguerite was born yesterday afternoon to my brother Mark and sister-in-law Kat. both mother and daughter are fine. It’s wonderful news: Oliver has a little sister, the family is really beginning to grow. I can’t wait to go and meet my new niece.